The History of Pompey the Little: The Life and Adventures of a Lap-dog

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i.

THE

HISTORY

OF

Pompey the Little:

OR, THE

Life and Adventures

O F A

L A P-D O G.

^— •

I

— grejfumque Canes comitantur berilem.

ViR. Bxi^

--^—mutato nomine de te
Tabula narratur. s HoR.

Tthe Second Edition.

L N D O N:

Printed for M. Coo p b r, at the Gloh
mPaternofier-RQW. MDOil^v

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2r^2577B

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t.

CONTENTS.

BOOK. I.

.•ta

C H A P. I.

I • • ■

jj Panegyric upon DogSj together wi'tb

•^^ fom^ Olifervatims on modern Novels

and Romances.

Page I

CHAP. IL

3*be Birtb^ Parentage^ Education^ and
^Travels cfa Lap-Dog. p. lo

C H A P. ffl.

'Our Hero arrives in England. A Conver-

/at ion between two Ladies concerning his

• 1 Mqfter. p. 20

\ A 2 CH^?.

UP COT^TET*ITS.

CHAP. IV.

AMtber Cornier fatiou ^^/t&^or. H|Uark> and
a celebrated Lad; of polity. Page 29

CH A P. V.

Tbe CbataSler of Lady Tempeft, with
fome Particulars of her Servants and
Famihf. p. ^9

C H A P. YL

Our Hero becomes a Dog of the Townj and
Jbines in High-life. p. ^2

CHAP. VII.

Containing a curious Difpute on the Immor^
iality of the Soul. ?• 58

CHAP. VIII.

Containing various and fundry Matters.

p. 69

CHAP. IX.

Containing what the Reader wilt know ^ tf
he reads it. p. 77

C H A E.

Ill II III iw.ni I-"

\The Geneakgx rf-^ Cdtj omi other oM
Matters^ which the great Critics of the
Jgemll call improbable and unnatural.

Page. 86

: CH A P. XL

^fbe Hifiory fif a moii/h Marriage \ the

' Defcription of a Cpffee4>oufey and a very

grave political Debate an the Good of the

Ifaiim. p. 94

CHAP. XII.

-A Defcription of Counfelkr Tanturian,

P 107

C H A P. XIH.

jljhort CbafteTy containing all the Wit^
and all the Spirit, and aU the Plea fur e .«/
ef modem young Gentlemen. p. 113

t: H A F. XIV.
^Our Utro fails into great Msfortmes.

9

v( CONTENTS.

B O O K II.

C HA P. I.

j1 Dijfertation ifpm Nothing. Page :

CHAP. M.

Fortune, grows favourable Uf our Beroj <
reftores him to HigbJife. * p. j

CHAP. III.

AMg Chapter ,of CbaraSfers. p. . j

CHAP. IV.

The Cbara^ers of the foregoing Cbap

exemplified. An irreparMe MEsfortt

iefah our Hero. p. *\

C H A P. V.

Relating tbe Hijiory of a Millioer. p. i<

* ^

<: H A p. VI.

Another Chapter of CbaraSltrs. p. i;

C H A

CO N TEN T5. vii

»

CHAP. VII.

A [ad Dffa/ier hefaJs Sir Thomas Frip-
pery /» the Nigbti ania worfe in the
Day. p, 183

CHAP. VlIL
A Defcription df a Drum. \;p. 1^1

CHAP. IX. -

Jn wUcb fever al things ere touched upon.

p. 200

Zkfirihing the Miseries of a Garreteer
Poet. p. 20^

C H A P. XI.

Shewing the iU EffeSls of Ladies having
the Vapours.. p. 220

C H A Pf XII.

• * .

Our Hero goes to the Univetfity of Cam-
biidge* • w wp. 230

^ -co N^'%''K%'%.

C H A'P. Xltl.

'v

■'. '••'-^'-" '.M X \-\ .\

Um'erfiiy. Page(-i4a

CH A K' XIV).

t ■

nfdmp^ ier/i)»9^j.^ jt^d<|i;ii atti^^^qfs
( ::tf rsmarkable Difpute in the MalU^^54,

which brings bis Hiftorytija ^nf^on.

p. 260

»j *

\ :k

CHAP. xvin.

Sie.-^C 6 If CLUSioir, k; 268

THE

THE.

HISTORY

. Pom p E Y ?^^ L I T T ue.

BOOK I.

; ; e H A P. I.

\4 Panegyric upon Dogs \ together vaithfeme
Oi/fryations vunuderm Novels and
Romances. ,-

^ ARiousandwondcrful, inall
J Ages, have been the Aftions
I c^ Dogs ; and if I (hould iec
I myfclftocoHeft, from Poets
i and HiEb3rians> the many
Pafiages that make honourably men^tion
of then), I ihould compofe a Wotk vicniE^

$ ne H'lsrqRY of

toohxge and voluminous for the Patieni
of any modem Reader, But as the P<
lititians of the Age, and Men of Gravii
may be apt to cenfure me for mifpenc
ing my Time in writing the Adventiun
of a Lap-dogt when there are fo mac
modem Heroes^ wl^fe illullrious Aftioi
call loudly for the Pen of an Hiftorian
It will not be amif? to detain thT Roadc
inthe^otranceof this Workt with ^iho
Panegyric on Utit^xanini Rfi^e^ to juftil
my undertaking it; . .

And can we, with6ut the ' baleft Ii

fratitude, think ill of an Animal, th
^ ever honoured IV^nkind with E
^fe ompany an d FriendJbip, fi«m the B
fanning of t^e Wprld ^thf; prefent M
ment? While all. omc^ wreatprcs arejn
State of Enmity with as, ibmc %irig in
* Woods and WiIdcrntffe8^ to efcape o
Tyranny, and others requiring to be r
ftrained lyith Bridles and Fences in clo
^Confinement J pog^ alone enter into Vi
%ntary Fritndfep with us, and of the
own gcpoj'dffwHetheir^Rifidence.flimoj

Nbtt do tfiey trouble us^^ only WJih<J
'6dous Fideiity» apf ul^els 'G6od^wiI

POMPEY THE LITTLE, t

fx]t take care to earn their Livejibood
by many iperitorious Services: They
guard our Houfes, fupply our Table*
with ProviiSon, amufe our leifure HoiirF,
and diicover Plots to the Government.
Nay, I have heard of a Dog's making a
Syllogifm 5 which cannot fail to endear
him to our two famous Univerfities,
where bis Brother-Logicians are fo ho-
noured and diftinguiftied for their Skill
in that ufeful Science.

' • Ar TTB % thefe extraordinary" Inftancei
pf Sagacity and Merit, it may be thought
too ludicrous, perhaps, to mention the
Capacity they have often difcovered, for
playing at Cards, Fiddling, Dancing,
and othy polite Accomplifhments ; yet I
cannot help relating a little Story, which
formerly happened at the Play-houfe in
Uncolns-Inn-Fields.

There was, at that Time, the fame
Emulation between the two Houfes, as
there i§ at prefent between the great
Com mbn- wealths of Drury'Lane and Co-
vent-Garden^ each of them ftriving to
amufe the Town with various Feats of
'Aftivity, when they begart' to grow tired
ofSenfe, Wit, and Adtion. At length,

B2 i^^

k

4 ^e History (?/

the Managers of the Houfe at Uncolns-^
Jm-Fieldsj poffeflcd with a happy Turn
of Thought, introduced a Dance of Dogs ;
who were dreffed in French Charafters,
to make the Reprefentation more ridicu-
lous, and acquitted themfelves for feveral
Evenings to the univerfal Delight and
improvement of the Town. But one
unK)rtunate Night, a malicious Wag be-,
hind the Scenes, threw down among them
the Leg of a Fowl, which he had brought
rij^ther in his Pocket for that Purpofe.
Infbntly all was in Confufion ; ' the Mar-
quis fhook off bis Peruke, Mademoifelle
dropped her Hoop -petticoat, the Fidler
threw away his Violin, and all fell to
faambling for the Prize that was thrown
among them. — ^But let us return to graver
Matter, '.

If we look back into ancient Hiftory,
we Ihall find the wifeft and moft cele-
brated Nations of Antiquity, as it were,
contending with one another^, which
fhould pay the greateft Honour to Dogs,
, The old Aftronocn^rs denominated Stars
^ after their Name j and the Egyptians in
'particular, a fapient and venerable People,
worflbippcd a Dog among the principal
' of their Divinities. The Poets reprefent

POMPEY THE LITTLE. 5

Diana^ as fpending great Part of her Life
among a Pack of Houixls, which I men-
tion for the Honour of the Country Gen-
tlemen of Great-Britain \ and we know
that the ilJuftrious Tbefeus dedicated much
of hi$ Time to the fame Companions.

Julius Pollux informs us, that the
/iirt of dyihg purple and fcarlet Cloth
was firft /bund out by Hercules*^ Dog,
who j-ovuig along the Sea-coaft, and ac-
cidentally eating of the Filh Murex^ or
f^urpura^ hi^ Lips became tinged with that
Colour; from whence the Tyrians firft
took the Hint of the purple Manufafture,
and ro this lucky Event our fine Gentle-
men of the Army are indebted for the
Scarlet, with which they fubdue the Hearts
of fo many fair Ladies.

• But nothing can give us a more exalt-
ed Idea of thefe iliuftrious Animals, than
to confider, that formerly, in old Greece^
they founded a Se£t of Philofophy ; the
Members whereof took the "Name of Cy-
mcs^ and were gloriouQy ambitious of af-
limtlating themfelves to the Manner^
and Behaviour of that Animal, from
whom they derived their Title.

& ^e History cf

And that the Ladies of Greece had as
great a Fondnefs for th^in as the Men^
inay be collefted from the Story which
iMcian relates of a certain Philofbpher;
who in the Excefs of his Complaifance to
a Woman of FaSiion, on whom he de*'
pcnded for Support, took up her favoi^^
tite^ta^^g one Diiy, arid attemptfed f6
eareft and kifs it j but the little Cr^ture^
not being ufed to the rudeCripe of phi-
lofophic Hands', Foiind his Loins afFcfted
in ;ueh a manner, that he wa^ obliged td
uater the Sage's Beard, as he held hinl
jto his Mouthy which fa difcompofed
that pfmcij^alf if not onrly Seat of his
WifdQ'm, as excited .LaiJ^ter in alf thii
Beholders.

Such was the Reverence .paid to them
among the N^tfions of >flLrniq.uir}r ; and if
Ve dScend to laicer ITithes^ *^e flxall x\oi
w^nt E<amplcsrin\oar own Days andNa-
tioii,^ of gre^.t Merits devoting themfelvei
to Dd^5. King Char'les the Second, xji
piousr ^od ionfiortal MemrorV, cattie tll-

his Bretd/zti&^JcanerM'itJ Jina^i^o^
fie l^ndt almpft as extenfiveiy as his
^* -* Z - Royal

Hoyai Mafter. His Succeflbr, King
James^ of picHis and iminortal Memory
likewife, was diilinguiflied for tbe iamp;
AttajChmcnt tp tbcfe , foqr^footcd f Wof?
thies ; and ^tis reported of him, that be?
oiice in a dangerous Storm at Sea»
^t^lifi^d tQ.gyitjthe Ship for his Life,
]}^ rp4r'd aloud ^tb a moft vehement
Vc^OQy a% his. jpripcjp^l Concerjn, Ja.favs,
^\ i^l W thjR^I^uke. of M — ^ But,
w<tyF' nee^ we opuh^ly Examples? The.
gfe^ceft Heroes^ and BeaMties haye not
been afhamed to tece£fc Monuments to^
them in their Guirdens^ , nor the greauft
wits and Poets^ to write their Epitaphs^
]|iJ[]iops ba^ inii];u$ed thep^ with theii^
Secrets, aind. Prjinoe-Minii^e^ deigned ta
receive Informatipn £i:om^ themi, :wben>
Tccafon and Confpiracies where hat£hii>g|
dgainfb the <jovecnmeDt. Itlands like*
wif^> as well aa Starts, ba^>e been, calle4j
^|ec t;h|eir Namef ;• Ip^at I hope no one^
vf)^, dare tp ^^n]|:^ me idly employefd ia
cpm^pofing t^: fo^wing W^ork : or ir
qny (^uid, let Ifiop. own lun^lf ignpranc-
of lan^^ent a^ mpdj^ra iibftpry., let hiov^
CQ^s^J^i^^viG5lf;^lJ gp? my ,^;j?is Cowntty,

a^d WgWte!C^^. V>.. ;^. ^cn^^rs of

^••^•.^ "V* *• •* •'' '^ '^

3 4 <w^>.

g 5i# H I 5 T O R T ^

And as no Exception can rtaSonzbtf
be taken againft the lenity of my Hero»
ihuch lefs can I expert any vill arife
againft the Nature of this Work.which one
of my Cotemporarics declares to be u\ E^e
Poem in Profi \ and I cannot help pro-
inifing myfelf fome Encouragement, in
this Life-writing Age efpecially, where
no Charader is thought too inconfiderabfe
to engage the public Notice, or too aban-
doned to be fet up as a Pattern of Imi*
ration. The loweft and mbft contemptible
Vagrants, ftrifli-Girls, Chamber-Maids,
Pidk-Pockets, and Highwaymen, find
Hiftorians to record their Praifes, and
Readers to wonder at their Exptoits :
Star-Gazers, foperannuated Strumpets,
quarrelling Lovers, all think themlclves
authorized to appeal to the Publick, and
to iimte Apokgits for their Lives. Even
the ' Prifons and Stews- are ranlacked to
find Materials for Novels and Romances.
ThiB, I am toM, that illuflrious Mimic
Mr. F—t, when alt other Expedients fait
him, and he Ihall be no longer able to niife
a Kind of Tax, if I may fo call it, from
Tea; Coffee, Chocolafei and Marriages,
defigns, as the laft Effort of his Wit,
to oblige the World with an accurate Hif-

POMPEY THE LITTLE. 5

tory of his own Life ; with which View
one may fuppoie he takes care to chequer
it with fo many extraordinary Occur-
rences, and felefts fuch Adventures as
will belt ferve hereafter to amaze and
aftonifh his Readers.

This then being the Cafe, I hope the
very Superiority of the Charafter here
treated of, above the Heroes of common
Romances, will procure it a favourable
Reception, altho' perhaps I may fall (hort
of my great Cotemporaries in the Ele-
gance of Style, and Graces of Language.
For when fuch Multitudes of Lives are
daily offered to the Publick, written ly
the faddeft Dogs^ or of the faddefi Bogs
of the Times, it may be confidered as
fome little Merit to have chofen a Sub-
je<3: worthy the Dignity of Hiftory ; and
in this fingle View I may be allowed to
paragon myfelf with the incomparable
Writer of the Life of Cicero^ in that I
have deferted the beaten Track of Biogra-
phers, and chofen a Subjedt worthy the
Attention of polite and daflkal Readers.

Having detuned the Reader wifh
this little neceflary Introduftion, I now
pr^^eed to open the Birth and Parentage
of my Hero.

B 5 C\VK^

ffy The HiiTORY •/

C H A P. n.

tliff Births Parentag€j Education^ and
TraviU of a LajhJD^.

ipbMpETr the Son of Julio zni

Phyllis 9 was born A. D. 1735 at

bologna in Italy ^ a Place famous for Lap*

X)pgs ajid Saufages. Both his Parents

were of the moft illuftrious Families;^ de-

fcended ffom a long Train of Aneeftors,

'who had figured in maiiy Parts of Eu-

j<>ytj and lived in Intitp^ with the

creatcft NXen of the Tim^es. They had

K'equented the Chambers of the pro^ideft

Beauties* and had Accefs to the Clofets

of the greateft Princes ; Cardinals, Kings,

Topfes^ and Emperors were all happy in

'their Acquaintance; and 1 am tbld the

elder Branch of the Family now lives wiqjh

his prefent Hblineis in the papal Palace

"at Rome.

* . ' ' . '

'''Bv'i Julio, the Father of my Hero,
/being a younger Brother of « MKMroua
\ Family^ itll to the Share of eb ffa^an
ZiiMtxhztL zt Bologna % from WkSh I

heard a Story of him, r^do^mdrag fo
/ - .16 much

POMPEYth* LITTLE. i$

muc^ CP hk Cr^4iCs tfa^jc it WQuIdbe ai^
iQlury %Q Im M^m>tY fip( to relate it ^
cfpccially as it is the Duty of an Hifto-
ma totterivc. Wft H««J fwfli jkongUjrfble
i9u)ceftocs^ ar)d to iotimMce him ip^o the
Wodd w^Bi aU the Cdat ^ ^eof^^a hq

It fi*W^ the City cJF JN^w bffi"«
grratijr ovcr-Apck^d with Pog% th^ In-^.
lisri^tato of lh0 Plac$ ^ t^ pbliged zf
certain Seaibi^ bf the Te^.FQ ^^er poi^
foncd SaufageK gp and dowfi the Street^
ff2r their De^ru^iori v ^^ which tnesii^
the M^kkude <^ them i$ r<:duced to s|
more tokrable NmmUen Now 7*% lis^v^
>f^ got abroad P9e M<)^i)ing by the CJare«
leunefi of Servants ioto the Streets, was
OBwifcly tempted to ^at of thefe pernici^
ous Gates ; which immediately threw hin)
into a violent Fit of Illnefi : But being
fcafonably rdie^ed ^ifife Ewetics, and l^v*

irt& a good Qdf^itum^ bfi .(^msM
fhro* tte Piftempw^i und ev^a|c^w^rd#
rcmcmberir^ what Jbiwfclf badefc^pec^
biitof Pity tx>;hittBffi|h|ep, 1?^ jnigt)f
polfibly undw'gft ji» ftfnc jpate, he wa#
obfery«d la ^n\ploy Mmf^Jf dmripg thp
vtkok ^f^5t*»fp% p. i^rryipg the^^

poifouous; JBatt* ^way iBPCt by epe in hi>

ii The HistoVy «/.

MoQth, and throwing them into tbe RI-;
Tcr that runs by the City. Bot to return.

' The lia'lian Nobleman above-mcn-
tiohed had an Intrigue with a celebrated
Courtefan of B*Ugm$t md little Julie ohm
attending him when . he made his Vifits
' to her, (as it is the'Nature of alJ Servants
to imita'te the Vices of theii* Matters,). he
alfo commenced -an AfFair of GaUantry
with a Favourite Kttie Bitch named Phyl-
lis, at that Time the Dadifig of this J^il/t
tie Joje. For a long while flie rejefted
his Courtfhip 'with Difdain, and received
him with that Coyftefs, which Beauties of
her Sex know very wcH how co counter-
feit; but at length in a' little Clofet dcT
voted toVenus^ the happy Lover accom-
pKfhed his Dcfires, ^adPhjfllis loon gave
Signs'of Pregnancy.

' i HA v£ not been able to team whether
iny Hero was irttroduced into the World
with any Prodigies -preceding his Birth j,
■nd tho* the Pradice of moft Hiftorians
might authorize mc to invent them, I
ihtnk it moft ingenuous to confefs, as
well as moft. probabre to conclude, that
•Nature did not put herfelf to aiiy mira-
culous Expcnce on this Occafion. Mira-
cle*

POMPEY THE LITTLE. ly

cles are unqueftionably ceafed in this Cen-
tury, whatever they might be in fome
fornper ones ; there needs no Dr, Middie-
ti>n to convince us of this ; and I fcarce
think Dr. Cb'^-^^n himfelf would Jiave
the Hardinefs to fupport me, If I (hould
Tenture to relate one in the prefent Age.

B £ it fufficient then to lay^ that on the
25th of Aftfy N. S. 1735, Pompey made
his firft Appearance in the World at B$^
Ifgna ; on which Day^ as far as I can
learn^ the Sun fhone jufl: as ufual^ and
Nature wore exaftly the fame Afpcdt as
upon any other Day in the Year.

About this Time an ^nglijh Gentle-
man, who was making the Tour of £«-
rope^ to enrich himfelf in foreign Manners
and foreign Cloaths, happened to be refid*
ing at Belogna. And as one great End
of modern Travelling is the Pleafure of
intriguing with Women of all Nations
and Languages, he was introduced to vi-
lit the Lady above-mentioned, who was
at that Time the fafhionable and foremoft
Courtefan of the Place. Little Pcmpey
having now opened his Eyes and learnt
the Ufe of his Legs» was admitted to
frolic about th^Room^ as his Mifttels iat

^-

14 The History 0/

at her Toilet or prcfided ai her Tea-Table.
Q0 thefe Occafions her Ga}laoc$ never
failed to ptay with him, and noaoy pretty^^
Dialogues ^ften larpTe /coacermDg hm
ythkch perhaps tmight make a FijffPft in a
miodeto Comedy. Every one had Ibme^
thifik ta fty to the little Favourite^ whc^
feemed proud to be taken Notice of, and
by many (iigniBcant Geftures would offen
make bdteve he ufKlerftpod the CfOnjipli^
ments that were paid ^tn*

But nobody diftinguifliedhinif^l^nio^e
on this Sl)bjed than our Engli/b UilUrio \
who had now made a oonfiderahle Pro-
grcfi in the ' AflFedions of his Miftrefs :
For partly the RecooHoem^tion of his
Pcrfon, biit chiefly the ProfoliMMi of hi^
Expenccs made her think him a very de-;
fireable Lover; and as ihe faw that his
ruling Paflion was Vanity, fee wajj toq
good a DiiTembler, and loo. much a M^Ti
trefs of her Trade, not to fl^cr tbi?
Weakncfs for hjcr own pnds* This iif
elated the JSphnts <i BiWirip^ that he fur^
vcyed iumfiJlf every Day with Inpreaie Qf
Pieaiure it his QhJa^ and. took a Pridq
Dnali OcQftfi(>fis to /bew ho)y ^uchvl^
<was diftinguiftted, a$ he ;thpqghr/ fbov^
any trf her awtient Adnwre^- Refolvi«)g [

there-*

idiittaftM

POMPEYtas LITTLE. 15

t}ierefore to ouc*do them all as much in
Magnificence^ as be imagined he did in
the SuGceis of bis hove^ Jie was cpn^inu^
aJly nuiJbtng ber the mcil coftJy Prefemts,
and am(H)g other Xhin^, prefented M^*
ter Pompef with a Collar iludded with
Diamonds. This fo «ic4ded the jiulf
Aniouirs Vanity, beiog the firfi Ornar
ment he had ever worn, that he would
eat Bifcuit fyom HiiUfrh^s Hands with
twice the PIcafure, with which be re-
ceived it Irom any other Perfon's ; and
Hillario made him ithe Occa(fioii of con-
veying indireft Comptni^nts to bis Mif-
ftf efs, Someiknes he would fwear, ^ ke^
ik%Hdit wss inb^ Powtrii^ impart Beamy
to ber 'vety JDegs^ and when fhe finiled at
the Scalene^ of the Conceit, be, ims^ning
iter dblrmed with his Wii, would grow
tranfported with Gaiety^ and pra<5tile aU
the fa&JQnaWe Aksttbat Cuftwn prejferibca
4x> an JjMrigiie* :

»
B wT the Tifil!5 ca«ie.at leiigtb that this
^ay <5^ndetoan w»s to^uit ibis Scene qf
rfefe Plqifiw^f, 4nd gp V. qu^ftof Ad-
vien^jres ii> jfotme (O^^er P^r? rof /^.
JfetWng dflay^d him Jtwt the Fear of
hf&9kmgh\$ Miftre)^*! Heart, whicii his
ioma jgmt hv^ 9f htofeJf* y^md wk^

i6 72>f HisTOR Y */ j

the feeming Love fhe exprefled for himjJ
made him think a very likely Confe-
quence. The Point therefore was to re-_
veal his Intentions to her in the moil ten-
der Manner, and to rccondte her to ibis
terrible Event as well as he could. Thry
had been dining together one Day in her
Apartments, and HiUario after Dinner,
iirft infpiring himfelf with a Glafs of
Tokay, began to curfe his Stars for oblig-
ing him to leave Bolegna^ where he had
been fo divinely happy ; but he faid, he '
had received News of his Father's Death,
and was obliged to go to fettle curfed
■Recounts with his Mother and Sifters, who
were in a Hurry for their confounded Fef
iHHti ; and after many other Flourifties,
concluded his RhapTody with requeuing to
take little Pompey with him as a Memo-
rial of their Love. The Lady received
this News with alt the artificial Aftonilh-
ment and counterfeited Sorrow that La-
dies of her ProfeJTion can affume when-
ever they pleafc ; in fhort flie jJayed the
Farce of Paffions fo well, that HiUario
thought her very Life depended mi his
Prefence: She wept, intreated, threatened,
-fwore, but all to no Purpofe % at length
ihe was obliged to fubmic on Condition
that Hilkrio Iho^d ^ve her 4 Gold-wacch

"•^N

FONfPEYTilBLITtLE. ly

ift Exchange for her Favourite Dog, which
he confented to without any Hefication.

TrtE Day was now fixed for his De-
parture, and having ordered his Poft-
Chaife to wait at her Door, he went in
the Morning to take his lad Farewell.
He found her at her Tea-Table ready to
receive him, and little Vompey fitting ih-^
nocently on the Settee by his Miftrefe*^
Side, not once fufpe&ing what was about
to happen to him, and far from thinking
himfelf on the Point of fo long a Journey^
For neither Dogs nor Men can look into^
Futurity, or penetrate the Defigns of Fate,
Nay, I have been told that he eat his^
Breakfaft that Morning with more than
ufual Tranquillity ; and tho* his Miftreli
contmued to carefs him, and lam^t his
Departure, he neither underftood the
Meaningof herKifles, nor greatly returned
her Affeftion. At length the accom-
plifiied Hillario taking out his Watch,
and curfing Time for intruding on his
Pleafures, fignified he muft be gone
that Moment Ravilhing therefore an
hundred KifTes ^ from his Miftrefe, and
taking up IxvAt Pompe>^ \n his Arms, he
wentoflF lUimmihg an Italian TunCj and
with an Air of affected Concern threw

faiofifelf. oufciofsl^ into irii! Cb^fe I^iiinM:
whence iookin^ lip iHtli ta; fimiAlC^ljf
Shrug to her Window, and fhcwing the
Ikcid F^vetO-itt^ m hi» /orfj^con r M^npfss
be was interrupted by the Voice of ther
Poftiiion, defiring tp be informed of the;
Bout he wais to cake ^ wbich lit()e:^ar^]
Qular fKi0 -weUibi^ G^ntlcinanib^;^ |^
Htimy foijgiBiV A^s, ^iu^i^g, it m^WhSfi
<i9^^mt/Q)nfQH^epoe. B(|^ iK^w«,<n»H^^
the EcJlow: fi^/ not Jiixowing; b^ MinA
without fmttiBft hina;, tp the Tiiouble; qij^
explaining it, J}apm y^ih ^^^ h^^ driv^

iff ^t \D^H Y< y^^ ^^''A M ^ jW^ ¥^Kn

c»itefting l^fclf : l^H^vflr -wpgn fec^^
Thoughts, 9t)d/ thifiik^ it ^ we|l tOrUe^^
fcr th«t Journey tp foo^ futwr^ %19^j
twnicy* he gftwst b» Orders foiw--fc~4 a«4)
then lookirig i^p ^in fit d^e Win^ovidi
alcdibcwing, iheP^tCh^i^bDrried awaj;.^
wjiile/bis Char^ef ftoo^laug^g dft^ t^^
niickiog bisiOoftuves*

t M hfit Aff^ion, for Ymk w^^ wbo%
InrilttDalnwttiflb'Cif qeig^ it ?f>ded(thfl y^j)
MonvaWiflit lofticlMj^bfeOliifei m^{

ibiich. iwffrCiliJtiwaf^-j l!iii nipfev^l^^

fttttding. :6hc. yv^^im^ bfi 'wt^c^jo^

; keep*

POMPEY THE LITTLE, ig

keeping her Dog for ever in Remembrance
of her, litth^Pompeyh^d like to have been
left behind in the very firft Day's Stage.
Hillario after Dinner had TcpofedhimrfelFti!!
fJeep on a Couch in the Inn 5 ftom whence
being waked with Information that his
Chaife was ready and waited his Pleafure
it the D6br, he ftarted up, difcharged
hl^' BHJ, and was* proceedingoivhis; Jdutoejr
trklibut one* Beftowitig i Thought-011 tht
jicglcftedFafvoufite. His Servant however^
bein^ itaorc cwifideratey brought hini
and. delivered him at the Chatfe Dbor fd
fiisiMfaftbr; wtio cried irtdelently, Begaii
thfrt^s^^dHhcu^bMn^ called him a Hftk
Dri^ff^ ^i^ngf<^ ^HkbTrouilfi and then
drove away whh the utmoft Unconcerned-*
hcfs. This I mehtion to flieW how v^ery
ftort-lived art Che Aflfeftionsof proteft-
ing Lovert',

#

. - /

to riff H I s T R V e/

CHAP. III.

Our Hero arrha in England. A Conver-
fation belvseen two Ladies concerning his
Majier.

BUT as it is not my DeGgn to follow
this Gentleman through his Tour»
we muft be contented to pafs over great
jiart of the Puppyhood of little 'Pontpey,
till the Time of his Arrival at Londoit:
onJy it may be of Importance to rcmem-
ber, that in his Paflage from Calais to
Dover he was extremely Sea-fick, and
twice given over by a Phyfidan on board »
but fome medicinal Applications, toge-
ther with a Week's Confinement in his
Chamber, after he came to Town, rc-
Aored him to his perfect Health.

' HiLLARiow^^fooner landed, than
he difpatchcd his nmch Valet to Londen^
with Orders to provide 1^ handfome
Lodgings in Pall Mally or fome other
great Street near the Court ; and himfelf
fet forwards the next Day with his whole
Retinue. Let us therefore imagine him
arrived and fettled in his new Apartments j
let us fappofe the News^iters to have
per-

POMPEY THE LITTLE. 21

performed their Duty, and all the im-
portant World of Drefs bufy, as ufual,
in reporting from one to another, that
Hillario was returned from his. Tra^
vels.

As foon as his Chefts and Baggage
were arrived in Town^ his Servants were
all employed in letting forth to View ill
his Anti-chamber, the feveral valuable
Curiofities he had colleftcd ; that his Vf-

mm ^

liters might be detained as they paiTed
through it, in making Obfervations on
Che Elegance of his Tafte. For tho*
Drefs and Gallantry were his principal
Ambition, he had condcfcended, in Com-
pliance with the Humour of the Times^
to confult the Ciceroni at RomSj and other
Places, , as to, what was proper to be pur-
chafed, in order to eftabliflia deputation
for Ferfu : and they had fumifhed him
accordingly, at a proportionable Expence^
with all the neceffary Ingredients of mCH
dern Tafte ; that is to fay, with Fingers
and To.cs of ancient Statues,* Medal*
bearing the Name of Roman Emperors tai
their Infcriptions, and copied-originalVio
tures of all the great Matters and Schools
of Italy. They h^d likewife taught him
a Set of Phrafes and Obfervations ijto^r

%i SRt^ His T or.y sf

to be made, whenever the Converiacipa
(houtd turiv Ujponfueh Subjedts; which,
by the Help ot a good Memory, he ufed
with tolerable Propriety: he could dc*
(cant in 'Terms df Art, on Rufts and Var?
nilhes ; and defer ibe the Air, the Man-
ner, the Charaftenftic of difl&reat Pa^n^
ters, in Language almoft as learned s\^
the ingenious Writer of a late KiT^y^

* Here, he wpuld .obferve, the Draw^

* ing is incorreft; there the Attitude

* ungraceful^— The C(j/?w»if ill-prcfervc^

* ,the Contours^^ liarlh, the; Ord©npai;ice
^ irr^^lar-rtbe Light too Af?ong-r*f.

* the Shade to deep,'— r^ith many
other afFefted Remark, which may be
found in a very grave fpntenrious Book
i)f Morality*

•-■-^. -I.S.J.

But Drefi, as we , before , pbferved,
was his darling iVanity,. and confequently,
his Rooms were more plfa(i fully fcattered
with Cloaths than any othb- Curiofity.
There all the Pride of Paris was exhibit-
cd to'Viewi Suits of Velvet and Em-
^ broidery, Swordrhilts, red-heel'd Shoes,
.and Snuff-boxes, lay about in negligent
■ Confufion, yet all artfully difpoTcd to
catjch the Eyes of his Female Vi(iters.
J^ordid he appear with leis Eclat with-
out

Qot poors i'fqr ht bad now ihewn J>is

file Qhariot add bay Horfc^ in all the
^^ ueets of gay Refort, and was allowed to
iiskyt (lie iDpft fplendid brilliant Equipage
iiiyLM40n.\ The Club at U^lnt^s foon
H/fotftd iiipT ^ IVfcnabcr of ^ their Fraternitjf,
§^ thei^; b^gan a jcind of Rivalry among
^ ladiea^pf Faftaon, .who ilu;)uld firft
Pf^g^B^ him to their ^itemblies* At all
^'X^iletc^ apd Parties in the Morning*
J9jiik9 ibvC: Hifi^M ^ At aijl Drums and
^ES^ft»BSiWT^e K^^ who]biit\;^/;*

Jtfimil Np-^fMijUGswnff inipt the Side-b<«
(ftt.a I^J^yr^ioufe ¥rit^*ib;«acefoLa Nq^li-
jB^c^ i r^nd i& wa&pn all Han^s conlef&d*
(hat lie h^d the . nsoil ^LccompUfl^ed \ Way
n^f !»lkfo)g)IJw^Nfe of'^ny Maao£"Qua-
licy io i^Wffeffrr ; ,
. -^ ^ .. ■ ' ..

AiS: tficfjaihionalplc.ES^rt of the World

-grci^drof jiny frefti Tppic of Gonverfa*

tioiU th«t M^iU not imuch fatig\?? their Un-

d^^rftpndiog^ i andr jfhs ATriyal of anew

,FqP^ rij{ S«btipf. A ij(cw Chaiiot, or tl^e

lAppwiaiMPProftaTjefw FaAiion, areaHA?-

• ciclda^of the> h'ffih?^ fli^^pprt^ce to thcni j

i it . jCQuJid. HQt be otberwiie, bpt ^at ^ the

.^ew and F^gpre^ which J^illario mad?,

ttxixh fupply all the polite Circles wi^ .

'^^imv -m Q^ffmend^iw m Cenfure.

^4 9^ History «/

As a little Specimen of this kind of Con-
verfations may, perhaps, not be difagree*
ablr, I will beg the Reader's Patience a
Moment, to relate what pafled on this
Subjeft between Cleantbe and Gietfra^ two
*Ladies of Eminencte and- DUtinftion in
'^hc Commonwealth of Vanity. « Thfc
former was a young Lady of about Fiftyi
who had out-lived many Generations of
Beauties, yet ffill preferved the Airs and
Pehaviour of Fifteen ^ the latter a cele-
brated Toaft now in the Meridian of hw
Charms, and giddy with the Adimiration
Ihe excited. Thefe two Ladies had been
for fome Time pad engaged in a ftrifit
Female Frienifhipy and were now fitting
down to Supper at Twelve o*Clock at
Night, to talk over the Important Follies
of the Day. 'They had play'd at Cards
that Evening at four different AijTerhBlies,
left their Names each of them at near
Twenty Doors, and taken half a Turn
roiind Ranelagby where the youngeft had
bieb engaged in a very fmart Exchsinge
^f\^ows. Smiles, and Compliments with
' Millario. This had been obfcrVcd 1:^
Qeantbe^ who was at the (ame Place, and
envied Ker the many Civilities fhe re-
ceived from a Gentleman fo fplendidly
drefs'd^ whofe Embroidery gave a pecu-
* liar

POMPEYtheLITITLE. 25

liar Pb^nancy to bis Wit. , Wherefore
^t Supper fhe began to vent her Spite a«^
gainft him, telling Cleora^ (he wondered*
how fhe could liften to the Impertinence^
of fudh a Coxcomb: ^ Surely, faid (be,

* you cannot admire Wm -, for my Pait,

* I am amazed at People for calling him
^ handibme*-^ you really think him,

* my Dear, fb agreeable as the Town. ge-

* nerally makes him?' Ckora fecfitathig
a Moment, replied, ^ Slie did not well

* know what Beauty was^ in a Man : To

* be fure, added ihe, ifone exahiineshis

* Features one. by one, one fees nothing
« very extraordinary in him ; but akogCf
f ther he has an Air, and a M^nncrV and

* a Notion of Thii^s, my Dear— he is
« lively, and airy,"^ and engaging, and all

* that — ^and then his Dreffcs are quit«

* charming/ * Yes, iaid C/w«/M that

* may be a very good Rccommi^hdation

* erf his Taylor, and if onc'deGgns to
« marry a Suit of Velvet, why No body

* better thai! fliT&nc— How fhould yon
^ like him for a Jiufband, Ckora ?^
■^ Fakh, laid C/^^rafmiiing, I never once
*. thought ferioufly upQn\the Subjcft in

* my Life \ but furcly, my- Dow, tiicR:
^ is. fuch a thing as Fancy and Tafte in

** Drefs I m my Opinion, a Man Ihcws

z6 ithe History of

f his Parts in nothbg more chad m the
^ Choice of his Cloaths and Equipage.'.

< Why tobefurcj (aid CledniJbe^ the Man

• has fomething o£ a Notion at Driefs, I

• confefs it — yet methinks I could make

• an Alteration for the better in his Live-*

< ries.* Then began a rery curious Can-"
verfation on Shoulder*knotSy and they ran
over all the Liveries in Town,, commend-'
ing one, and didiking anodier, with
great Nicety of Judgment. From Shoul*
der-knots they, proceeded to the Colour
of Coach«>horfes ; and Cleantbey refol ving
to diflike Hillario*s Equipage, alked her
if (he did not prefer Greys to Bays? C/^-*
era anfwered in the ' Negative, and the
Clock ftruck one before they had decided
this momentous Queftioh*, which was
conteftedwith fo much Earneftnefsy that
both of them were beginning to grow
angry, and to fay ill-natured Thin^, had
not a new Topic arifen tp divert the Dif*
courfe. His Chariot came next under
Confideration, and then they returned to
peculate his Drefs ; and when they had
fully exhaufted all the external Accom-

5>li{hments of a Huiband, they vouch-
afed, at laflr, to come to the Qualities of
the Mind. Cleora preferred. a Man who
had travelled^ [ Becaufe, faid flie, he .has
. • ' " -" * feen

t 4,

PpMPET THE LITTLE, ar

^ feeri the World, and iriyfl: be ten thour

* fand times more agreeable an(J ehteftainn

* ing tlian a dull home-bced FeUow, wh<i
-* h^ls/ never imprqved hiliifelf by T^^/^jg

* Things ;' But". Cteanthe' wa3 ,(;i( i different
Opinion, alledgirig that: this vi^o^Id ;pnVg
give him a greater VCJJ^ohccil pf ^higQp^l^
and make hiiA leG' manageable by^-a.^W^^
iThen^^they fell to 'abufnig"NlatnrTianj^^
numbered over the many unhappy
Couples of their Acquaintance, and both
of them for a Moment refolved to live
fingle : But thofe Refolutions were foon
exploded ; * For though, faid Cl'eanthe^
^ I ihould prefer a Friendfhip with an
^ agreeable Man far beyond marrying

* him, y-et you know, my Dear, vje
^ Girls are under fo many Reftraints,

* thdt one muft wi(h for a Hufband, if it
' :b6- diily^ for the Privilege of going into

* public Places, without the Proteftion of

* a married Woman along with one, to

* give one C6untenance.* Cleora rallied
the Ej^preflion of we Girlsj which again
had like to have bred a Quarrel between
them •, and foon afterwards happening to
fay, fhe ftiould like to dance with Hil-
lario' at the next Ridotta, Cleanthe could
not help declaring, that fhe fliould be
pleafed alfo to have him for a V^xvcsrx.

C 2 ^"w^^

t8 72r HiSTOHY 9f

Tliisf ilirred up a wanner Altercation than
any that had yet arifen, and they con-
tended with fuch Vehemence for this di-
ftant tma^nary Happinefs, which per-
il^ mfght happen to neither of thcoi,
diac they grew quite unappeafeable, and
in die End, departed to Bed with as
much Malice and Enmity, as if the one
had made an Attempt on (he other's
I-ifc

>

■»

CHAP.

-f^^

POMPEY THE LITTLE. 29

C-H A P. IV.

duotber Cottver fatten between Hillarip and
a ceUh'ated Lady of Siuality.

I

IF the foregoing Dialogue appears im-
pertinent and foreign to this Hiftory,
Lhe enfuing one immediately concerns the
Hero of it ^ whofe Pardon I beg for hav-
ing fb long neglefted to mention his Name.
He was now pcrfeflly recovered from the
[ndifpofition hinted at in the Beginning of
the preceding Chapter, and pretty well
reconciled to the Ast of England \h\}t2&
l^et be had made fjpw Acquaintances either
with Gemlemen of his own or a different
Species ; being feldom permitted to ei^

Eatiate beyond the, Anti-chamber of HiU
(nVs Lodgings ; Where his chief Amufcr
ment was to ftand with his Fore*paws up
in the Window, and, and contemplate tte
Coaches that pafled through the Street.

But Fortune, who had deflined him
to a great Variety of Adventures, no
fooner obferved that he was fettled and
began to grow eftablifhed in his new
Apartments, than fhe determined, ac'*
cording to her ufual Inconftancy, to beat
up his Quarters, and provide him a ne«
Habiution.

C 3 Ku5y&<^

^o . . The HisravLr if

Amon G the many Vifiters that favoured
Hillario with their Company in a Morn-
ing, a Lady of Quality, who had buried
her Hufband, and was thereby at liberty
to purfge her own Inclinations, was one
Day drinking Chocolate with him.. They
were engaged in a very interefting Cop-
verfation on the Italian Opera, whicji
they declared to be the moft^fqblime En-
tertainment in Life •, when on a fudden
little Pofnpey came running into the Room,
and leapt up into \i\$ Mafter^s Lap. Lady
Xcmpeji (for that was her Name) np
Ibpner faw liim, than addrefling herfejf
10 Hiltarto with thq Eafe and Familiarity
jof mp;}ern Breeding ; • Hillario^ fiud fhc,
^ where the Devil did you get that pi^tl

the fineft .Creature that ever my Ey^
• .tHehelA^IucJi aShaj)e andfuch 4n Air—
^ quelle mni ! queVi iiklifa/ejjfi ! * ' Thcp
ran he into thepqidft ^xtrayfigant JlhcGH
rniiims of her Beaijty, ,an^ ^fter dropping
many Hints of ap Jntrigye, to j^wafeen
Xadf 7Vw/>g/?*3.P,uriority, jahd pi^Jce hef
•enquire into the Particulars of tfee Story;,
concluded with defirinjg "her Ladyfliip tp
^ • , ' exciiic

A 4

POMPEY THE LITTLE. 31

cxcufc him from proceedmg ^ny . farthei;,
for he thought it the hijgheft Injury tp
betray a I^y^s Secrets. * Nay, faid
L^dy "Tempefti it can do her Rieputatioii
no hurt ta tell Tales of her in England,^
and befides, fUllariOj if you acquitted
yourfelf with Spirit andG^antry in the
Affair^ who knows but 1 ihall like yqu
the better after I have heard your Story ?*
WelJ, l4id he, on that Condition, my
dear Coun^efs ! I will cpnfefs the Truth
■■■ J had an AflEair with this Lady,
and, i ihiiiik, none of iriy Amogrs cv^r
afforded me~greater Tranfporjt : But the
Eyes of a Hufband wiUofficiouQy be
prying into things that do not concern
them ; her jealous-pated Booby fur-
prized me pne Eviening io ^little f^nu-
liar Dalliance, and fent me a Challenge
the next Mornipg,' ♦ Blefs us ! f^d
Lady Tempejt^ ^d what became of it ? ^
Why, cries HillariOy I wou'd willingly
have w^fhcd my Htods of the Felloyf
if I could, for I thought it but a fill/
Bufioels CO hazard one's Life with fo
ridiculous ^an Animal ; \mt^ curfe the
Blockhead, he could hot UDderilai)d
Ridipule-^You muft know, Madai9»
I fent him for Anfwer, with thegreat^
^ E^fe ima^ngble^-^uite compofcd as I

C4 • l^s^

32 fhe HisTdRY^

* am at this Moment— that I had fo pro-

* digious a Cold, it wouM be imprudent

* to fight abroad in the open Air ; but if

* he would have a Fire in his beft Apart*

* ment, and a Bottle of Bargundy ready for

* me on the Table after I had gone thro*

* the Fatigue of killing him, I was at his

* Service as foon as he pleafed— meaning,

* you fee, to have turned the Affair off

* with a Joke, if the Fellow had been

* capable of tafting Ridicule.* * But

* that Stratagem, replied Lady Tempefi^

* I am afraid did not fucceed — the Man

* I doubt was too dull to apprehend your

* Raillery.' VDuU as a Beetle, Madam,

* faid HiUario % the Monfter continued

* obftinate, and repeated hb Challenge.-^

* "When therefore I found nothing elfc

* wpu'd do, I rcfolved to meet him ac-
^ cording to his Appointment ; and there

* — in fhort, not to trouble your Lady-
^ fhip with a long, tedious Defcription^

* I ran him through the Body/ Lacfy
7empefi burft out a laughing at this
Srory, which (he mod juftly concluded
to be a Lie ; and after entertaining her-
felf with many pleafant Remaks upon it,
fiid with a Smile, * But what is this to

* the Dog, Hilkrio?' « The Dog, Ma-

* dgm! anfwcrcd he, O pardon me, I

* am

POMPEY THB LITTLE. 33

am coming to the Dog immediately.—-*
Come hither Pompey^ and lillen to your ,

own Story. ^This Dog, Madam, this

very little Dog, had at that time the
Honour of waiting on the dear Wonnia^
I have been defcribing, and as the
Noife of my Duel obliged me to quit
Bologna^ I fent her private Notice of
my intentions, and begged her by any
means to favour me with an Interview
before my Departure. The Monitor
her Hufband, who then lay on hjs
DeathrBed, immured her fo clofelyt
that you may imagine it was very diffi-
cult to gratify my Defircs; but Love,
immbrcalLove, gave her Courage 5 fl^e
fent me a private Key to get Admiflion
ihro Wr Garden, and appointed me an
Afllgnation in an Orange-Grove at
Nine in the Evening. I flew to tHc
dear Creature's Arms, and after fpcnd-
ing an Hour with her in the bitterest
Lamentations, when it grew dangerous
and impoffible for me to ftay any longer,
we knelt down both of us on the cold
Ground, and falutedeach other for tKe

laft tinte on our Knees. Oh how I

curfetl Fortune for feparating us ! but
at length I was obliged to decamp, and
file gate me this Dog, this ind\v\d\3cal

C5 •^XvvCsi^

,*J4. '^ -5rj^ History £>/ it

/little Ppg> to carry with xne as a Me-
/ iDorial of her Lpve, The poor, dear,

* tender Woman died, 1 hear, within
. * three Weeks after my Departure j iut

* this Dogi this divine little Dog, will J

* keep evcrlaftingly for her Sal^e.*

", ■ • ' *

\ When the Lady had heard. him to an

.'End, * Well, faid fhe, you have really

* tQJd a very pretty Stpry, Hillarto ; bgt
/ as to yoyr Refolutions of keeping the

* Dog, I iwear you Ihall: break them vfof

* I had the Misfortune toother Day iolofe

* my favourite black Spaniel of the

* Mange, and I intend you fhall give me

* this little Dog to fupply his Place.* * Not

* for the Univerfc, Maoam, replied Hil-

* lario ; I fliould expeft to fee his dear

* injured Miftrefs's Ghpft haunting me in

* my Sleep to Night, if. I could be guilty
/ of fuch an Aa of Infidelity to her/

* Pugh ! faid the Lady, don't tell .me of
< fuch ridiculous fuperftitious Trumpery.
f — ^You no more came by the Dog in

* this mmntr J Hillarto y than you will

* fly to the Moon to Night — but if you

* did, it does not fignify ; for I politively
•. muft and will take him home with mc*
^ Madam, faid Hiltario^ this little Dog

^ 1% facred to Love I he was born to be

P0MP.EyfrH2 LITTLE. 55

*.«tic Cortfiderfttipn in Nature that pia*
« .|>ofliWy induoe me to part with Jiim/
« AncJ wi»t is that, , feid the Lady ?*

* That, Madam, cries Hr7/<?rrV, bowing, is
^ ithe JE|»ftdw<>f yifitii^ him ait all Houra

* 3a hi$ WW Apartments — he inuft bo
« the Hiardld of Love wherever he goes^
« arid ©a ^ie Conditions — if you will
« jiow and thfitt admit me of your Re»
^ itireweote, little Pompey waits your Ac-

* ^tapce as iS^on as you plerfe/ * WcUt
^ (^d due Lfldy, fmiling, you know I
^ jto dot inexorable, Hillario^ and if you
> tov« a frnod tp vifit your little Friend
•« At my Rwlle^ you*JI find him ready 19
« fcocivte you— -T- though, faith upon fe-
/« cond Thot^hts, J know not whether I
-« daw admit you or not. You aife fuch
^ AKiUer of Hufbands^ BiUam^ that 'tis
■^ iqiaiiDe ccrcttde Co think on & and if mine

* was not conveniently removed out of
. ^ the Way^ I fliouW Jiave the pixwr Man
. ^ iacrfficwiibf Jiis Jealoufy^* * Raillery !
, ^ fijaiHery \ o-eturried Mliario ; but as you
^jfayj liny: dear Gountefe, . your Mon-
1 f Acr. is IcomniodiauQy out of the way,

c ;3iaiQ[ thsrefott n^ need be under no Ap-
.^prdienlicns fi^nn that<^rter, for. I
- f h^Hif ^era . hf will rife out of his

36- .' The Hist out 4/

^ GVaVe to intefrupt our Amours/*
^ Armours! cried the Lady, lifting her
• Voice, pray what have I Cud that cn-
' courages you to talk of Amoun ?*-« '

From this time the Converfatioabq^
to grow much too loofe to be reported in
this Work : They congratulated each
other on the Felicity of living in an Age,
that allows fuch Indulgence to Womenj
and gives them leave to break loofe from
their Hiiftands, whenever they grow
morofeand difagreeablei or attempt to
interrupt their Pleafures. They Jai^ied
at Conftancy in Marriage as the mod i>
dicvlous thing in Nature, earoloded the
very Notion of matrimonial Happinefi^
"^afld were moft falbionably pleafant in
decrying every thing that is ierious, vii^
tuous and religious. From hence they
relapfed ^ain into a Difcourfe on tne'
JtutianO^x^^ and thence made a quicH
Tranfition to Ladies Painting. This was
no fooner ftarted than HiUario b^gjcd
leave to preient her with a Box of Rouge^
which he .had brought with him from
France^ ailuring her that the Ladies were
arrived at fuch an Excellency of ufii^ it
at Tarisj as to confound all Diftinftion of
Age ondBeauty, ^ I pi oteft to yQur Didy-^
1 " f ihipf

POMPEY THE LITTLE. 57

' fhip, continued he» it is impoSible at

* any Diftance to diftinguifh a Woman of
^ Sixty from a Girl of Sixteen ; and I have

* fecn an old Dowager in the oppofite

* Box at their Playhoufe, make as good

* a Figure, and look as blooming as the
^ youngeft Beauty in the Place. Nothing
^ in Nature is there required to make a
« Woman handfome but Eyes.— If a

* Woman has but Eyes, (he may be a
« Beauty whenever fhe pleaies, at the

* Expence of a Couple erf* Guineas.—*

* Teeth and Hair and Eye-brows and

* G>mplexions are all as cheap as Faps
^ and Gloves and Ribbons/

While this ingenious Orator was pur-
fuing his eloquent Harat^ue on Beauty,
Lady Tempefi^ looking at her Watch, de-
clared it was time to be going ; for fhe
had feven or eight Vifits more to make
that Nforning, and it was then almoft
Three In the Afcrnoon. Little Pompey^
who had ablented himfelf during great
part of the preceding Converdtion, as
thinking it perhaps above the Reach of hit
Uiiderftanding, was now ordered to be
produced ; and the Moment he made his.
Appearance, Lady Tempeji catching him
up in her ^rmsy was condutfled by

j8 The Hi STOKY qf

Hilkrio imo her Chair, which ftood at
the DotH" waiting her Commands. Little
Pompey caft up a wiflifd Eye at the
Window above ; but the Chairmen were
now in Motion, and with three Footmen
foreHTunniog his Equipage, he fet o|i( io
Tr iuoiph to his oe w Apartm^Qts^

. I ■

CHAP.

POMEEY THE LITTLE.

CHAP. V.

^

fThe CbaraSfer of Lady Tempefl:, with
.. fame FarJi(ulan of htr Servants • and
: Famik/.

^ - ■ , ' ' ■»

THE fudden Appearance of tPus
Lady, with whom our Hero is
now. about to take up his Refidence, may
perhaps excite the Reader's Curiofity to
KOQi^ who ihe i^ ; and therefore, before

* w^ ir6cee4 aby f^^ in ourHiftory,

, we maU fpend a Page or two in bringing
him acqqabted with her Charader^ But
let nic admonilh th^> my gentle Friends

' wholbever thou art, that flult vouchfafe
to perufe this, little Tx^atife, not to t^
too forward^ in making 'App^cations, or
to.conftrue Satire into Li^el. For \ye
declare here once for all, that no Charac-
ter drawn in ihis Wprk is intended for
any particular Perfon, but meant to com-^
prehend a ,great Variety ; and therefore,

' if thy Sa^city difcOyers likdnefles that
were never intended, and l^eanings that
we;re never meant, be fo good tp impute

. it to thy own Ill-nature, and accuie not

?'e humble Author of thefe Sheets,
aking this Caution alo^g.witb thep.

t-

40 ^e Hmtok V cf

candid Reader, we may venture to troft
thee with a Charadar, which otherwife
we fhould be afraid to draw*

Lady Temptft then was prigirtally
Daughter to a private Gentleman of a
moderate Fortune,. which ihc was toihare
in common with a Brother and twd other
Sifters : But her Wit and Beauty fooii di-
ftinguiflicd her amorigher Accjuaintance,
and recompcnfed the Deficiencies of For-
tune, She was what the Men tall a
fprigbtfy jolly Girl, and the Womcii a hid
forward Creature^ very chearful in h^r
Converfation, and open in her Behaviour j
ready to promote any Party of Pleafure,
(for (he was a very Rake at Heart) and
not difpleafed now. and then to be atfiA-
ant in a Kttle Mlfchief, This madti hfer
Company courted by Men of aK Sbrtis -,
among whom her AffabiRty alid Spirit,
as well as her Beauty, procured her many
Admirers. At length fhe was follicited
in- Marriage by a young Lofd, famous
for nothing but his crcit Eftate, and hr
her Inferior in Unocrftanding: Bur the
Advantageouihcfs of the Match foon
prevailed with^ her Parents to giv6 their
Cortfent, and t\^ Thoughts of a Title fa
dazzltd her own Eyes, that fhe had tio

Leifurc

POMPEY THE LITTLE. 41

Leifurc to afk herfelf whether fire liked
the Man or no that wore it. His Lord-
Ihip married for the fake of begetting an
Heir to his Eftate 5 and married her in
particular, bccaufe he had heard her
toafted as a Beauty by moft of his Ac-
quaintance. She, on the contrary, mar-
ried becaufe fhe wanted a Hufband 5 and
married him, becaufe be could give her
a Title and a Coach and Six.

But, alas! there is this little Misfor-
tune attending Matrimony, that People
cannot live together any Time, without
.difcovering each other's Tempers. Fa*-
mitiarity foon draws afide the Mafqu^,
and all that artificial Complaifance and
fmiling Good-humour, which make lb
agreeable a Part of Courtffiip, go off like
Jpril Bloflbms, upon a longer Acquaint-
ance. The Year was fcarce end«i be-
fore her young Ladyfliip was furprized ta
find (he had married a Fool \ which little
Circumftance her Vanity had concealed
from her before Marriage, and the Hurry
and Tranfport (he felt in a new Equipage
did not fuffer her to attend to for the firft
Half-year afterwards. But now (he be-
gan to doubt whether (he had not made
a foolilh Bargain for Life^ and confultipg

,41 7lbe Hl!iT0^y'((f

with forpe of her Female Intimates abou^
it (feveral of whom were married) fhc
received fuch Documents from them, as,
I am afraid, did not a little contribme eo
prepare her for the Steps (he afterwards
took.

Her Hufband too» though not very
quick of Difcernment, had by this Time
found out, that his Wife's Spirit and ro-
mantic Difpofition were inconfiftent with
,his own Gloom •, which gave new Clouds
to his Temper, and he^oiien curled hioa*
ftlf in iecret for marrying her.

They ibon grew to reveal thefe

Thoughts to one another, both in Words

and Ai^ions; they* f^t down to Meajs

wijth Indifference ^ ihey, wenf ,to Bed with

.Indifference ; and the one was always fure

Jo dillike what the other at any Time

fecmed to approve. Her Ladyfliip had

Recourfe to thp common Expedient in

thefe Cafesi, ,1 ,naean the getting a Female

Companion into the fjoufe with her, ^s

well to relieve her from the Tedipufnefs

of fitting down to Meal5 alone with h^r

. Hufband, as chiefly to hear her Ccro-

plaints, and fpirit her up againft h^r

FoqI and Tyrant j the Names by which

' ^ Ihe

POMPEYthb LITTLE. 43

ihe ufually fooke of her Lord and Matter^
When no luch Female Companions, . or
more properly Toad-eatersy happened to
be prefent, ihe chofe rather to divert hcr-
felfwith a little favourite Dog, than to-
murder any of her precious Tin^e in con^
verfing' with, hex Hufband.. This his
X.ordfhip obferyed, and befides many fe-
yere Refleftions. and crbfs Speeches, at
length he. wreak'd his Vcngcanpe on the
little Favourite, and b a Paflion put hin;i
to Death. This jWas an Affair lo heinous^
in the Lady'' s- qwnrEfteem, and pra-
Dounced jto ot fo iarharaus^ fo Jboskitig^
Jo inhuman by all her Acquaintance^ th^
,ihe refolved no bnger to keep any Terms
with him,, and frqm this Moment grew
4efperate in all her Adiqi^^s.

i •

\ First then, A^KfoIyeH to^.tepply
]the Place of qne~ ip|Ririte with a great
number, and^ immedi^Iy procured as
jnany/Dogs into the Family as it could
well hold His Lprdfhip in t return,
wpuld orderhis Servant to hang t>yo or
three of thepi -every Wepk, and neyer
failed kicking them dawii Stairs by Dor
zens, whenetver they came in hi$ Wajr,
When this and many other Stratagems
hftd been tried, fome with good and Tome

44 sra^ Hist our #/"

with bad Succefs, (he came at lad to plaf
the great Game of Female RefeijtmenC,
and by many Intimations gave him to
miftraft, that a Stranger had invaded his
Bed. Whether this was real, or only an
Artifice of fpite, his Lordfliip could ne-
ver difcover, and therefore we ihalt not
indulge the Reader*s Curiofity, by letting
him into the Secret ^ but the bare Appre-
henfion of it fo inflamed his LordUup's
Choler, that her Company now became
intolerable to him, and indeed their Meetr
Ings were drcadfur to themfeiv^, ahd
terrible to all Beholders. Their Servants
ufed to ftand at the Door to liften to their
Quarrels, and then charitably difperfe the
Subiefts of them throtighout the Town;
fo that all Comipanies now rang of Lord
and Lady Xempejt. But this could not
continue long ; fQ|ftK}iSerence may fome-
times be borne iPa married State, but
Indignation and Hatred I ' believe never
can ; and 'tis impofiible to fay what their
(parrels might have produced, had not
his Lordihip very feafonably died, and
left his difconfokte Widow to bear about
the Mockery of Woe to all public Phces
for a Year.

Sas

POMPEY THE LITTLE. 45

VShe now began the World anew on
|ier own Foundation, and fet fail down
the Stream of Fleafure, without the Fears
of Virgkiity to check her, or the Influ-»
cnce or a Hufband tocbntroul her. Now
flie recovered ;hat Sprightlinefs of Con-
▼erfation and Gaiety of Behaviour, which
bad been clouded during the latter Part
of her Cohabitadon with her Hufband ;
and was foon cried up for the greateft
Female Wit in London. Men of Gallan*'
try, and aU the World of Pleafure, had
cadfy Accefs'to her, and malicious Fame
reports, that (he was not over-hard-hearted
to the SoUicitations of Liove ; but far be
it from us to report any fuch improbable
Scandal What gives her a Place in this
Hiftory is her Fondne& for Dogs, which
from her Childhood fhe loved exceeding*
ly, and was ieldom without a little Fa^
yourite to carry about in her Arms : But
from the Moment that her angry Huf-
band facrificed one of them to his Re-
sentment, fhe grew more pafiionately fond
of them than ever, and now conftantly
kept Six or Eight of various Kinds in her
Houfe. About this Time, one of her
greateft Favourites had the Misfortune to
die of the Mange, as was above comme*

xnoratcd, and when (he faw little Pomf^
ztHiUarW^ D6dgibgr^ Ihe rdblved im-
mediatelyt tol beftow die Vaomcy «ipor!
him, which that wiell*>bred Gentkmaii
confehted to^on certain Conditioni^ as the
Reader. has feeft ki the foregoiilg Chap^

' ' ' -' " ! 1

. t «*KB rettrfned ' Home from her Virrt
jiift as thci Clock was ftrtkirig ^mir, and
. after furveying herfelf a M<^meht in the
Glafs, and a little adjufting hef Hair^
weftt dircftly to introduce Mk^tt Pvm^e)
to his Companions. Thde ^re an italiaii
Grey-hound, z DtOcb Pug, two black
Spaniels of King CbMflesh Breeds a H^^
lequin Grcy-hound^i afppet^JDfe^i and
a moufc-colour^d £ii^/$& Bull-dog; They
Jseatd their Miftrdrs Rapf ^t thi Door,
end were affembled in the Dining-^roonii
«ady to rective her : ^ But on th^ Appear-
ance of Matter Pomp^y thfey Yd: ^*up a ge-
neral Baarki perhaps 6ut of Envy; and
fome of them treated the little Stranger
with rather more Rudenefs than was con^
fiftent with Dogs of their Education.
However, the Lady foon intefpofed iher
Aurhorityi .and^cortimanded Silehce^a-
mong them, by ringing a littfe^Bell,
^hich fhe kept by her for thai Piirpofe.
* They

POMPEYxfJE LITTLE. 47

They aU obeyed the Signal inltantly, and
were ftiU fft;a.M<Mnerif ; upon which fhc
carried little Pompey round, and obliged
them all to falute their new Acquaintance,
at the fame Time commanding fome of
them to afk Pardon for their unpolite Be-
haviour •, which whether they uriderftood
or not, muft be left to the Reader's De-
termination. She therif fommpned a Ser-
vant, and ordered a Chicken to be roaft-
€d for him ; but hearing that Dinner was
juft ready to be ferved up, flie was pleafed
to fay he muft be contented with what
was provided for h^rfelf that Day, but
gave Orders to the Qook to g^t ready a
Chicken to hifi own Share againft Night.

He r Lady (hip now fat down to Tabkji
and Pomp£y was p^ced at her J^lbow,
where he received many dainty Bits froni
her faii^ Hands, and was carelfed by her
all Dinner-time,, with mpre than ufual
Fondnsfs. * The Servants winked at one
another, while they were waiting, and
conveyed njany Sneers acrofs the Tabk
with their Loo)cs;,, all which had the good
>Luck tQ efc^pe l^r Ladyfhip's Obferva*
tion. But ^ Moment they were retired
from waiting, they gave Vent to their
Thoughts with all the fcurrilous Wit an4
-.1 I ' ' '^^

4S fbe History i>/

ill-m^inerM Railleiy, which diftinguiihes
the Converfadon of thofe parti-cok>ured
Centlcmen.

And firft, the Builcr out of Liveiy
ferved up his Remarks to the Houfe-
keeper's Table ; which conlifted of him-
felf, an elderly fat Woman the Houfe^t
keeper, and my Lady's Maid, a (aucy,
forward, affeAcdGirl, of about Twenty.
Addrefllng himfelf to thefe fecond-hand
Gentlewomen, as foon as they were
pleafed to fit down to Dinner, he in-
formed them, that their Famify was in-'
treaftd^ and that his Lady had brought
home a new Companion. Their Curiolicy
foon led them to defire an Explanation,
and then telling them that this new Com-
panion was a new Dog, he related mi-
nutely and circumftanti^ly all her Lady-
Ihip's Behaviour to him, during the Time
of nis Attendance at the Side- board, not
forgetting to mention the Orders of a
Toaftcd Chicken for the Gentleman's Sup-
per. The Houfe^keeper launched out
largely on the Sin and Wickcdnefs of
feeding fuch Creatures with Cbrijiian
ViStualsy declared it was flving in the Face
of Heaven, and wondered bow her Lady
could admit them into her JVpartmeBf,

for

POMPEY THE LITTLE, 49

for;(lie {$\d Jbij^ had already jpoUed dl the
criff^^WDamiiflc- chair sin tbeJDining-room.
B V T my Lady's Maid had a great doal
more to lay on this Subje£):, and as it
was her particular Office to wait on thefe
four-footed Worthies, (he complained of
. ihe Harrdihip done her» with great Voki*
l^i^ ofs Tongue. * Then, fays (he,
^ tbere'sv a irtew Pkgue come home, is

* there ? he! has got the Mange too,: I

* fuppofe, and I fliall havehim to wa(h
^ and comb To* morrow Morning* I am
^ fiise I abfi iaU] aVcr Fleas with tending
^ fueh . xiafty poifonchis Vermin, and His
^ a (haixie to put a Chriilian to fuch Of-

* (lc6s.*r— I* , was, in Hopes when that little

* jnangy Deyil \ died t'other Day we

* (hould have had no nK)re of them ; but
^ there is tOi be no End of them I find,
^ and foi' my part, I wi(h with aU tny
^ He»ct fome-body would, pdlbn *em

* all — I can't endure to fee my Lady kt
^ them kifs her, and lick her Fac^ all over
^ as (he does. I am fure I'd fee all the

* Dogs in England at Jericho^ before I'd

* fufFer fuch Poulcat Vermin to lick my

* Face. Fogh 1 *tis enough to make one
^ fick to fee it ; and I am fure, if I was a
^ Man, I'd fcorn to kils a Face that had

* been licked by a Dog.*

D T^\^.

JO ' 71'^ History^

This was Part of a Speech^ made by
thi s delicate, rnincing Comb-bruffaer v and
the reft we fhali omit^ to wait upon the
inferior Servants, who were now aflcmbfcd
at Dinner in their common Hall of Glut*
tony, and exercifing their Talents like- '
wife on the fame Sutjeft. Jolm the Fo6t-
man here reported what Mr. fViUiam^t'
Butler iiad done before in hisiDeparttnent,
that their Lady had brouight home a niw
Dog. • Damn it, cries the Coachman, .
^ With a furly brutal Voice, what fignifies
^ a new Dog? has flbe brought home ever
• a new Man?' which was fcconded iwith
a loud Laugh from all the Compafiy.
Another fwore, ihat he ndirer knew a
Kennel of Dogs kept in a^Bed-chamber
before ; which likewife wds applauded
with a loud and boifterous' Lati^h : but
as fuch kind of Wit is' too \o^ for the
Dignity of this Hiftcry, tbo* much tf-
fefted by many of my tTote^porarfes,
I fancy I (hall eafjy have the Reader's
Excufe, if I forbear to relate any more
of it.

#

My Defign in givlrjg this fhort Sketch
of Kitchen- hunvour, is only to convey a
Hint to all Maimers and Miftttrtes, if
they chufc to receive rr,' not to be guflty

U of

POMPEYthe little, ^^i

t>f any AAions^ that will expofe them to
the Ridicule and Contempt of their Ser-
vants, Fac thefe ungrateful Wretches,
tho* receiving ever fo many Favours from
you, and treated by you in general with
the greateft Indulgence, will fhew no
Mercy to your flighted Failings, but ex«
pofc and ridicule your Weaknefi in Ale-
houles, Nine^pin-alleys, Gin-fhops^ Cd-
Jars, and every other Place of dirty Ren*
dezvous. The Truth is, the lower Sort
of Men-fervants are the mcA irifolcrtt,
brutal, ungenerous Rafcals on the Face of
tlie Earth : They are bred up in Idlenefe,
Drunkennefs and Debauchery, and inftead
of <:oncealing any Faults they obfcrve at
home, find a Pleafiire in vilifying and
mangling the Reputations of their Mafleh.

Da CHAP.

The History of

C H A P. VI.

Our Hero becomes a Dog of the Town^ and
fbines in High' life.

9
•

. TiOMPET was now^rown up to
^ ^Maturity and Dog's^J^atc, when he
came to live with Lady Tempeft ; who

. foon ufhered him into all the Joys and
Vanities of the Town. He quickly be-
came a great Admirer of Mr. Garrick\

[ afting at the Piay-houfe, grew extremely
fond of Mafquerades, pafied his Judg-
ment on Operas, and was allowed to
have a very nice and diftinguiihing Ear

; for Italian Mufur. Nor did he lie under
the Cenfure which fell on many other
well-bred People of a different Specia^
I mean the Abfurdity of admiring what
they did not underfland \ for as he had
been born in Italy j 'tis probable he was a
little acquainted with the Language of his
native Country.

As he attended his Miftrefs to all
Routs, Drums, Hurricanes, Hurly-bwr-
lys and Earthquakes, he foon eftabti(hed
an Acquaintance and Friendfhip with all
the Do^ of Quality, and of courfe af-

fcfted

POMPEY THE LITTLE. 55-

fedcd a moft hc^-ty Contempt for all of -
inferior Station, whom he would never
vouchfafe to play with, or pay them the
leaft Regard. He pretended ta know at
firft Sight, whether a Dc^ had received
a' good ' Education, by his Manner of :
coming into aRdom, and was extremely
piX)Ud to^ ftew foj Cottar ai Court \ in
which again he rjdiemhled cotam other
Dogs, who are equally vain of their *
Finery, and happy to be diftinguifhed
in their reJpeSiive Orders.

I p he could have Ipoken, I am per* ^
fuaded he would have ufed the Phrafes fa
much in falhion, Nobody one knows ^
Wretches dropt out of the Moon^ Creatures
fprungfrom a Dunghil\ by which are fig-
nified all thofe who are not born to a Title^
or have not Impudence and Difhonefty
enough to run in Debt with their Taylors
for Laced Cloaths.

Ac A IN, had he been to write a Letter
from Bath or Tunbridge^ be wou'd have
told his Correfpondent there was not a Soul
in thePlace^ tho* at the fame time he knew
there were above two Thoufand ; bc^ .
caufe perhaps none of the Men wore Scars ^
and Garters, and none of the Womerii

D 3 ^tx^

54 fT>eHiM:aKY0f

viTtre hM enough to impoifEerifli their
fVimilies by playing at the nobte and
tUuftrious Game of Brag. As to his own
Parr, bb Lady was at the Expence of a
Mafter^ perhaps the great Mr. H ■ i f%
to teach him to play at Cards ; and ftfH?
forward was his Genius, that in kfs than -
three Months he was able to fit dawn with
htr JjAdy ihip to Piquet^ wheneiFcr Sick-*
nttfs or the Vapours confined her to hef
Chamber.

As he was now become a Dog of the
TowD, znA perfeftly well-bred, of courfe
he gave himfelf up to Intrigue, and had
feldom leis than two or. three Amours on
his Hands at a time, with Bitches of the
bighift Fajhitm:^ In which Circumftances
h^ again lamented the Want of Speech^
for by that means he was prevented the
Pleafprc of bQafl:ing of: the. Favours he
received. But his Gallantries were fpon
divulged by the Confequences of them \
and ajifevcral very pretty Puppies had been
the Offepring of his Loves, it was ufual
for alt the Acquaintance of Lady Tempeft^
mibttcic and cultivate hi$ Breed. And
here Icfhall beg leave to infert two little
Billeis of z very eidtraordinary Nature^ as
a< Specimen of what it is that engages
- - ' ; . the

POMSEYth^ LITTLE. 55,

the Attention of Ladies of Quality iQ "
this refined and acconoplifbed Age. Lady
^empefi was fitting at her Toilette one
Morning, when her Maid brought her
the fpUowifng little Scroll, from another
jbady," wbojfe Name I ah) not obliged to
sn^tion. *

*\

Dear Seinpejfj

' • MY favourite littfy Ferrj^ is at pre-

• fcnt troubled with certain aniorous In*

• firmities of Nature^ aqd would not be

• ,dUp^f§d with the Addrefles of a Lover*
•'Be fo good therefore to fend little Pom^
^\P^9 by my Servanty who brings this
•^otp, for I fancy it will make a very
•'pretty Breed, and when the Lovers

• hiye tranfaiSted tljieir Affairs, he Ihall
•*b^\.f^nt home incontinj^ntiy. Believe
•* me, deaf fempeft^y.

Tours affeSlionately*

Lapt kempeft^^ fopa as ftie had read'
tVl3/CBrl0»fi : ?Bift k»j called, for Pen and ;
Iiikt, and imnaediatcly wrojtc the follow- .
ing Anfwcr, which likewifc. wc bpg le^vc ;
loijnfftt^ .

5^ y*^ History hf

• Infirmities of Nature we all arc

• fubjeft to, and therefore I have fcnt
« .Matter Pmpey to wait upon Mils Venj^

• begging the Favour of you to return
^ him as foon as his Gallantries are oven

• Confider, my Dear, no modern Love

• can, in the Nature ' of Things, laft
I above three Days, and therefore I hope
V to fee my littk Friend ?gain very foon.,

Towr ^ffeSimatc Friendij

ti

Thi/s was our Hero permitted to in-
dulge himfelf in all the Luxuries of Life i
biUt in the midft of thefe Felicities, ca-
rcfled . as he was by ' his MiftreiS,. ' and '
courted by h^r ViGters^ fome Misfortiirt^s^
every now and then tell to* his Share, '
which fcrved a liitle to check his Pride
In the midft of Profpcrity. He had dncc
a.moft bloody Battle with a Cat, in which
terrible Rencontre he was very nea¥ foffiiig
his Right Eye : at another Tiirtfe h6 ^v^
frightened 5nto a Canal by a htige over-
grown Turkey-cock, and had like to have
been drowned for want of timely Affift^
ance to relieve him. BeHdes thefe un-
lucky

POMPEY THB LITTLE, sf

lucky Accidents, he was perfccuted by
all the Servants for being a Favourite,
and particularly by the Waiting-gentle-
woman above-mentioned, who waspleafed
one Day to run the Comb into his Back ;
where two of the Teeth remained infixed,
and his Miftrefs was obliged to fend for
a Surgeon to extraft them. But Mrs.
jlhigail had good Reafon to repent of her
Cruelty, for Ihe was inftantly difcarded
with the greateft Paflion, and afterwards
refufed a Charafler, when (he applied for
one to recommend her to a new Service.

#

Yet, notwithftanding thefe accidental
Misfortunes, from which no Condition is
free, he may be faid to have led a Life
of great Happinefe with Lady. Tempefi.
He fed upon Chicken, Partridges, Wild^
fowl. Ragouts, Fricaflees, and all the
Rarities in Seafon ; which fo pampered
him up with luxurious Notions, as made
fome future Scenes of Life the more
grievous to him, when Fortune obliged
him to undergo the Hardlhips that will
hereafter be recorded.

D 5 CHAP.

5$ TieHtstatLr cf \

C H A P. VII.

(jontainijig a curious I>ifpate n the Imntf'
tality of the Soul.

IT is the Nature of all Mankind, Au-
thors as welt as othrrs to Miufe the
i'atience of their Friends, and as I have
already related two Converfations in thit
Bttle Work, inftcad of fwppofing my
Reader to be fatiated with them, I am
tempted to trrfpaft farther on his Pati-
ence, and trouble hini with a third i iir
-which, nioreDver, the Hame of our Hero
will but once be mentioned.

Lad* ffaip.'/, being a little indifpofed
with fume trifling Diforder, kept hcf
Chamber, and was attended by two Phy-
■fieians. As her Beharioar in Life had
excluded her from all the prudent and
- -virtuous Part of her Sex, her VHilers con-
fifted chiefly of fuch Ladies, who had
contfaAed a Staip, which placed them on
a Level with her Ladylbip : and to fay
the Truth, Ladies of this fort are fo nu'
merous in the great City o{ Lsndoti, that
no Woman need fe^r a Solitude, let her
imprudence be crerib glaring.

Her

r

POMPET THi L I TTL E, 59

Her Ladydiip's Phyficians were now.
making, their Morning. Vifit,. and were
juft gpne through the Examinations,,
which Cuftom imnicmorial prefcribes-^
zsy How did your Lady (hip fleep lafl;
Nigbt-?— 'do you find any Prowth, Ma-
dam ?— -pray let me look at your Lady- .
fhip*s Tongue--and oiany other Que-
ftions of a like Nature,, which I ha,ve nolt
Lcifure now to record. Whf n thefe were
finifhed). and the youngeft was preparing
to write ^ Preicription, a violent Rap ai;
the Door, and Ihortly after the Appear-?
ance of a Vifiter, interrupted his Proceed-
ing. The Lady, who. now arrived,, came
direftly up to Lady T^fejiy and made
ber Compliments ji then fitting down,^
^nd »idi;effing herfclf,, after fome little
f aufej^ to one of the Phy ficians, afked
him,^ If \i^^ believed in, the Immortality^
^/ /^^ i?/// .^-^—---«^but before we anfwer
this extraordinary Queftion, or relate the
Converfation that enfued upon it, it wiU
ifC for the Reader's Eafe to receive a flior|
JSketc^ of her Charaftcr.

In many reelpedls this Lftdy was in fi-.
milar Circumftances with Lady Tempeft^ \
only with this DiffcreDce« that the oae

66 The History^/

had been fcparated from her Hu(band by
hfe Death, the other was divorced from
hers by A& of Parliament ; the one was^
famous for Wit, and the other afFeftcd
the Chara&er of Wifdom, Lady Sopbijicr
(for that was her Name) as foon as (he
was reteafed from the Matrimonial Fet-
ters, fet out to vifit foreign Pans^ and
difpiayed her Charms m moft of the
Courts in. Europe. There, in many Parts
of her Tour» Ihe had kept Company with
Literati^ andparticuiarJy in FrancSj where
the Ladies zucd: a Reputation of Science
and are able todifcourfcon the profound-
eft Qucftions of Theology and Pbilofo-
phy. The Labyrinths of a Femak Brain
are fo various and intricate, that it is dif-
ficult to fay what firft fuggefted the Opi-
nion to her, whether Caprice^ or Vanity
of being fingular, but, all oh a fudden,
her Ladylhip took a Fancy into her Head
to difbelieve the Immortality of the Soid ;
and never came into the Company of
learned Men, wkhout difplaying her Ta*
lents on this wonderful Subjcft. The
World indeed afcribcd the Rife of this
Opinion in her Lady0iip's Brain, to Self-
intercft; for, faid they, // is much better
iv perjfi than to burn 5 but for my part,
I chufe rather to impute it to abfolute

' Whim

POMEEY THE LITTLE. 6t

Whim and Caprice, or rather, an abfurd
and ridiculous Love of Paradox. But
whatever ftarted the Thought firft in her
Imagination, fhe had been at the Pains
of great Reading to confirm her in ir,
and could appeal to the greateft Autho-^
rities in Defence of ir. She had read
Hobbis^ Malbranebej Locke^ SJbaftJburyj
lyoolaftotty and many more ; all of whon>
flic obliged to give Teftimony to her
Paradox, and perverted Paffages out of
their Works with a Facility very eajy to be
imagined. But Mr. Locke had the Mif-
fortunc to be her principal Favourite,
and cpnftquently it refted chiefly upon
him to furniOi her with Quotations,
whenever her Ladyfhip picafed to engage
in Controverfy, Such was the Charader
of hzdy Sophijterj who now arrived, and
alked the furprizing Queftion above-
mentioned, concerning the Immortality of
the Soul.

Dr. Killdariy^ to whom Ihe addreflcd
hcrfelf, aftoni&cd at the Novelty of the
Queftion, fat ftaring with Horror and
Amazement on his Companion : Which
Lady Tempejl obferving, and gueffing
that her Female Friend was going to be

very abfurd9 wiblye.d to promote the

6i TBe lii%r6^Y cf

Converfation for her own Amulemenr.
Turning herfcif therefore to the Doftor^
(he faid with a Smife^ * Don't you under-

* ftand the Meaning of her Ladyftiip's.
*' Queftion, Sir ? She afks you, if you be-

* lieve in the Inamortality of the Soul ?

• Believe in the Immortality of the
< Soul, Madam ! faid the Doftor {tarings
^ Blefs my Soul ! your Ladyfhips aftonifli

* me beyond meafure Believe in

* the Immortality of the Soul ! Yes, un-
^ doubtedly^ and I hope all Mankind

* does the fame/ ^ Be not fo fure of

* that, faid Lady Sopbifter — Pray, Sir,.
^ have you ever read Mr. Lockers Con-

* troverfy with the Bifhop of Worcefier ?^

* Mr. L^ri^'s Controverfy, Madam ! re-

* plied the Doftor, I proteft I am not

* fure — Mr. Lock6*% Controverfy with

* the Bilhop of fForeeftery did your La-^

* dy (hip fay ? Let me fee— I vow Ixan't

* recollc6t— My reading has been very
« multifarious and extenfive — Yes, Ma-

* dam, I think I have read it, thoVI pn»-

* teft I can't be fure wh^lther 1 have reiail

* it or no.' * Have j^w ever read it^ Dr.

* Rhubarb?^ faid flie, addreffing herfcif
to the other Phyficiane— * O yes, Ma^
I dam, very aftea» anfwered hey ?cisv that

♦ ^ fine

POMPEY THE LITTLE. 6j

fine Piece of hu?^ where — Yes,yes» I have
read it very often *t I remember it per-
feftly well — But, pray Madam, is there
any Paflage,— *! beg your Ladyfhip''^
Pardon, if I am miftaken — but is there
any Paffage, I fay,, in that Piece, that
tends ta confirm your Ladylhip^'s No-
tion concerning the immortality df the
Soul?' * Why, pray Sir, faid the
Lady with a Smile of Triumph,, whar
do you efteem the Soul to be ? Is ft
Air, Of Fire, or iEther, or a kind of
Quinteflfence, as ArifiQile obftrved,
and Compofition of all the Elements ? ^
Dr. Rhubarb^ qmtc dumb-founded with
her Learning, defined firfi: to hear her
Ladylhip^'s Opinion of the Matter. * My

• Opnion, refumed (he, is cxa&ly the

• (ame with Mr. Locke* &. — You know^

• Mr. Locke obferves there arc various

• kinds of Matter — wel!-*-but firft wc

* (hould define Matter^ which you know

* the Logicians tell us, is an extended

• folid Subftance — .Well, out of this

♦ Matter, fome, you know,^ is mad^ ini-

* to Rofcs and Peach-trees— r the ne«t

* Step which Matter takes 13 Animal LiJfe,

* from whence wc have Lions and Elc-
^ phants, and all the Race of Brutes.**-^
t Then, the Acxt Step, as Mr. Lpckeoh-

6jl The History cf

ferves^ is Though t, and Realbn, and
Volition, from whence arc created Men,
and therefore you very plainly fee, 'tis
impoffible for the Sod to be immor-
tal/

• Pardon me, Madam, iaid Rbu-
iarb — Rofes and Peach-trees, and
Elephants and Lions ! I protcft I re-
member nothing of this Nature in
Mr. Locke* * Nay, Sir, faid (he, can
you deny me this ? If the Soul is Fire,
it muft be extinguiflied -, if it is Air,
it muft be difperfed ; if it be only a
Modification of Matter, why then of
courfc it ceafes, you know, when Mat-
ter is no longer modified — if it be any
thing elfe, it is exactly the fame thing,
and therefore you muft confefs — in-
deed Doftor you muft confefs, that
'tis impoffible for the Soul to be im-
mortal.*

Dr. Kitldarbyy who had fat filent for
fome Time, to colleft his Thoughts,
finding what a learned Antagonift he had
to cope with, began now to harangue in
the following Manner. ^ Madam, faid
< he, I Ihall not trouble myfelf with the
^ Sophiftry and Quibbles of the Schools,
L ' • where

POMPBY THE LITTLE. 6$

Y^here Men of Idleni&fs artd Retirement '

firft of all puzzle themfelves mth in- '

cricate Speculations, and then difturb

the Quiet of the World, by publifiiirtg

the Refult of them; and by darting

PifficUlties in Meiir Mtnd^ that othet-^

wifewowld ftev^er hiV€ oc^ufr^d. ' Com-t

mon-fehi^, itfl^ed by Reyielation, is I

capable of attai^ding to all the Khovir*:

ledge, that is of Ufe and Importance '

for us toktiow ; and whatever goes be-^

* ' ycnid this, is but a fpecious learned ^

f 'kind of trifling; which may be attend-

* ed with 'ii^uth Mifehlef, bot^^ ne^^er can

* produce any Good. Now the concur-

* rent Opinions. of all Mankind have ever

* agreed in believing the Immortality of

* the Soul, and there never was any Na-
^ tion fo barbarous in Ignorance, or fo

* depraved^by Superftition, as to be with-

^ out, or c doubtful of, this fundamental'

* Article of all Religion. They may^

* have differed, perhaps, in their Notions'

* of die Nature of a Future Siatc ^ but'
•the niain . Article, the fiyft Ground-'
^ work of the Queftion has 'jsver beeis the'
< fame ; and this to me,- :i cocifefs, is an'
^ iKianfwerable Argiunent of its Truth.

* You fee, ' Madaip, I piirpofirly wave
[ the Topi? of .RcveladoPt that I may

66 Tie H I s T o kr of

• not ezpofe it to the Ridicule of Infidc-

* Oh Sir,^ faid the Lad/f interrupting.
hjm with t Snjcer, * A$ to that Matter, as

Rcppiccohly of Ghrifti«MRy apd tjjCff^ftf >

pel; 'till Lady Tempi^ cuther ihqrt, ^»

defired her.iohc filent upon that He^d:^

For tWs good Lady bdieVed ;?11 the Do<;-i

ttioe^of Rdigion^ «o4 was^ CQf^tcfl!t?dt*

like many odicr$i with fhe tr#ng ?ri?fi->
IqgeQftlyofidifQbeytegilHftljrfli^pts, »

Lady Sopbijier^ however, tho* Ibe hajd*
been unfucceisful in her firit Attack^ w^s-^
refolred not to quit the Field Of Bacdct'
but rallied her Forces, and once i«u[>re fell'
upon her Adver^ies: with an Air. of Tri- '
umph. ^ You fay, I thinks Sir> rciunaed '

* (he, that a Multitude of Opinions will'

• eftabltlh a Truth— No,w, you know all-
^ the /iwSKMi belkiie itiat tfaeb Dogi. wiJt-
*► goj to Heaven afong, *dtL'them, i and if'
^' ajgreat many ^^ Qptcnohs^^oan prove any'
^ithmgto be tdicnwhat % yos to that/
*. Sir ? For Inftance> there's Lady Tem^
\fefiih little LapidQg!—p^:sMy dear
^ UtdeiCrcaiurp, 4kl luufy S&xn^vcaich-^'

mg

POMPEY THE LITTLE. 6^

^ ing him up in her Arms, will you goto

* Heaven along with me? I fliall be

• vaftly glad of your Company, Potnpeyy

♦ if you will.* From this Hint both
their Ladyfhips had many bright Sallies
'till Lady S&phifiir^ duO^ with the
Hopes of this Argument, recaUed her s
Adverfary to the Queftion,, aqd defied;
tQ h^ar bis Reply» ^ Madam, £ud Kill-

darfy^ the Reply would be eafy enough ;
but I am ibrry to hear your Ladyfhips
talk fo loofely on fo ferious a Subject ;
tho* I confefs it is not a new Thing to
me, for I have beeo prefirnt in many.
Compsit^es of late, where the weakeft
Arguments, and moft wanton Raillery
againft Religion have been received with
Applaufe. The Anfwer tp what your^
Ladyfhip has advanced, would be ^afy^
and obvious, bu t LiP uft beg to be ex-
cufed^-rmy ProfedR does, not oblige,
me to a Knowledge of fuch Subjects —^
I came here to prefcribe as a Phyfician,^
and i\ot to difcufe Topics of Theology —
Come, Brother, I believe we only in-
terrupt their Ladiyihips>. ^d I 4a>
obliged tQ call upon tny L^r^i ■ ■■a;>d.
Lady ■ . and Sir PKHliiim ■■■ and
Lady Bettyj and many other People of
Quality this Morning/ Dr. Rhubarh

68 • f2>^ History of

declared, ' that ; he Hkewife had as many
Vifits to m^ke-; whereupon the two Gen-'
tlemen, taking their Leaved — and their
Fees, retired with great Precipitation,
and left her Lady0ifp in PofTeflion of the
FieM of Batde, vrt(6i!hrifiedktcry retri-
ed all about the Town, that ^(hadout-
reafoned two Phyficians, atftjv^bliged -
them, by Dint of Afgurheiit, to ccmfefs,'
that the Soul is not immortal

Before I conclude this Chapter, I muft
beg the Reader not to imagine that any
Ridicule was here intended of Mr. IjDckt^
whofe Name ought ever to be Bfl*nt!oned'
with Honour, and much left of the great'
Queftion debated in it ; but, on the con-
trary, that it was defigned to expofe the
Folly and Impiety of modern Wits, who
dare to chink RelifliM a proper SubjeA
of Ridicule; and^mcipaHy, to explode
the Vanity of Women*s pretending to
Philofophy, when neither their Intellefts,
or Education qualify them for it. Beauty
is no Excufe for Infidelity, and when they '
have To many other Arte to gain Admirers,
one would think they need liot be driven
to difpuU againft thi Immortalify of the
Soul.

• - • .

CHAP.

POMPEY THE LITTLE. 69

CHAP. VIII.

Containing various and fundry Matters.

pOMPET had now lived two Years
with Lady Tempeji^ in all the Com-
forts and Luxuries of Life, fed every Day
with the choiceft, moft expenfive Dain-
ties that London could afford, and caref*
fed by all the People of Fafliion that vifi-
ted his Miitreis :

'fed fcilicet ultima Jemper

Expe^anda dies^-^^-^icique heatus

jlnte ohitum nemo fuprtmaque funerd
debet. , ^

A moral Refle6Uon, Ao lefs applicablo^to
Dogs than to Men ! for they both alike
experience the Inconftancy of Fortune,
of which our Hero was a great Exam-
ple, as all the following Pages of his Hif-
tpry will very remarkably evince.

Lady ^empe/i was walking in St.
yame/s Park one Morning in the Spring,
with little Pompey^ as ufual, attending
her, for (he never went abroad without
taking him in her Arms. Here flxe fee

70 The Hi ST OR y of

hitn down on his Legs, to play with
fome other Dogs of Quality, that were
caking the Air that Morning in the A£all ;
giving him ftrift Orders, however, not
to prefumc to ftray out of her Sight*
But in fpite of this Injunction, fomething
or other tempted his Curiofity beyond
the Limits of the Mall ; and there, while
he was rolling and indulging himfelf on
the green Grafs, a Pleafure by Novelty
rendered more agreeable to him, it was
his Misfortune to fprihg a Bird ; which
he purfued with fuch Eagernels and Ala-
crity, that he was got as far as RofamomTs
Pond before he thought proper to give
over the Chace. His Miftrefs, in the
mean while, was engaged in a warm and
interefting Difpute on the Price of Silk,
Which fo engrofled her Attention, that
Ihe never miffed her Favourite ; nay,
what is ftiil more extraordinary, flic gX)t
into her Coach, and drove home without
once beftowing ^ Thought upon him.
But the Moment flie arrived in her Din-
ing-room, and caft her Eyes on the reft
of her four-footed Friends, her Guilt im-
mcdmtly flew in her Face, and fhe cried
out with a Scream, As I am alive 1 have
left /////f Pompey behind me. Thkti fum-
moning up two of Jier Sci vanta ia an In-*

fl:ant*

POMFEY THE LITTLE, ft

:'ii:afaiv flie GQtnmatidcd them to go dir€($-
ly, and feairh every Corner of the Park

. with the grcateft Diligence, proteftiijg

. ihe (hould never have any Peace of Mind,
* till her Favourite was reftorcd to her
Arms. , Many Times (he rang her Bell,

(ito know if : her Servants were returned,
brfore it was poflible for them to hay e
got thither ; but at length the fatal MeA
fage arrived, that Powpty was no where
to be found, i An3 indeed it would have
been next: to a Miracle, if he bad ; fpr

, thefe faithful Ambaffadors bad never pnce
flirted: frofti the Kitchen Fire, wheric,
together with the reft of the Servants,

, they Had been laughing at the Folly of
their Miftrcfs, and diverting themfelves
with the Misfortunes of her little Darling.
Andv-tbe Reaftm why thfcy denied their
^Rccurafdoner, was becaitfe ihey imagined

c la^uffitient Time had ftat thqn elagfed, to
give a Probability ' to that Lie, which
they were determined to tell. Yet this
did n5t fatiify their Lady; flijer fent them

. a fetond Time to repeat their Search, and

- a fecond TiWe they returned with the
Cjmc Storyj that Pompey w^ to be found
neiiher ti^b ner hw. At this again the
Reader is ddired not to wonjjer ; for tho*
her Ladyflijp faw them .out of the Houfe

72 The History of

herfelf, and ordered them to bnng back
her Favburitc, under Plain of Difmiffion,
the fartheft of their Traveb was only to
an Ale-houfe at the Corner of the Street,
where they had been entertaining a large
Circle of their parti-colourM Brethren,
with much Ribbaldry^ at the Expence of
their Miftrefs*

TENDERNESS to thts Lady's Chara£ler
makes me pafs over much of the Sorrow
fhe vented on this Occafion : but I can-
not help relating, that Ihe inpuriecfiattfly
difpatched Cards to alt her Acquaintance,
to put ofF a Drum which was? €o b&ve
been held ^t her Houfe that Eveniitg,
giving as a Reafbn that £he had loft her
darling Lap-dog, and could not fee Com*
pany. She likewife fcnt an Advcrtife-
ment to the News- Papers, of which we
have procured a Copy, and b^g leave to
infert it.

Loji in the MaWin St. James'i Park,
bitw^n the Hmr$ if Two and Three va
^ ^Momxni^y a beautiful 'SkAo^Ti2i^ap-
dog^ with black and white Spots^ a
mottled Breaft^ and federal Moles upon
his Nofe^ and anjwers to the Name' cf
Pomp, ^ Pompey/ jyhoever will

bring

POMPEY THE LITTLE. 7^

hring the fam$ t$ Mrs. La Place' j, Hf
Duk^-ftreet, Weftminfter, fir Mrs.
Httfly^x, Mfiniu^-m^kerm the Stv9x^
4fr to St. J$rnc$*j Coffee-boufe^ Jhall rir
cdve two Guineas Reward.

This Adyertifement was inferted in aU
the Papers for a Month^ with Increafe of
the Rewards as the Cafe grew noore de-
fperate; yet neither aU the Enquiries (he
made, wx all the Rewards (he offered^
ever reftored little Pompey to her Arms.
We muft leave her therefore to receive
the Confelations of her. Friends on this
«fiIi&ingL(^^ and retura to examine aff
ter our Hero* of whofe Fortune the Readr
CTs perhaps^ may have a Defire to hear# .

•

Hb had been pursuing a Bird, as was
tse&ire defdribed, as f^ as Rofamon$$
Pani^ and when his pkrcrJxon was over»
galk^d hack to the Ml^ll^ not in the
leaft doubting to find his Lady there at
his Return. But alas! how great was
his Diiappcuntmetitl hexan up and dowD»
fmelling to eivety Petticoat he met, and
ftju-ing in every Female Face he.iaw, yet
neiiiier ilia Eyes, or iNofe^ . gfnre Ivni the
Information he de£red. Seven Times he

eoiufed from Biukingh^nhhoufe to thft

E HorSt-.

74 The HisroKt of

Horfe-guardsy and back again ; but all in
vain: At length, tired, and full of De-
spair, he fat himfeif down, difconfolace
^nd forrowfiil, under a Tree, and there
turning his Head afide, abandoned him-
felf to much mournful Meditation. In
this evil Flight, while he wa$ ruminating
on bis Fate, and^ like many other People
in the Park^ unable -to divine where he
ihould get a Dinner j' he was fpicd by a
little Girl, about eight Years old, who
was walking by her Mother's Side in the
Mall. She no fooner perceived him,
than (he cried out. La ! Mamma ! there* s

a pretty Dogf 1 have a good Mmd to

rail to it J Mamma! Shall /, Mamma f
Shall I call to it^ Mamma ? Having , re-
ceived her Mother's Aflent, fhe applied
herfelf, with much Tendcrnefs, tofollicit
him to her ; which the little Unfortunate
no iboner obfenned, than breaking qS\m
Meditations, he ran haftily up,^ and&*
luting her with his Fore-paws (as the
Wretched are glad to find a Friend) gave
fo many dumb Exprefiions of Joy, that
Speech itfelf could hardly have been more
eloquent. The young liady, on her
Side, charnied wuli his ready CompU^
ance, took him up in her Arms, . and
JjLilfed him wi^ great Delist; then cum-

- _ m

POMPEY THE LITTLE. 75

ifig ag^H to her Mother, and aiking her,
if flie did not think him a charming
Creature, * I wonder, fays fhe, whofe

* Dog it is. Mamma! I have a good
^ mind to take it home with me. Mam*
^ ma ! Shall I, Mamma ? Shall I take it

• home with me. Mamma ? * To this
alfo her Mother confented, and when
they had taken two or three more Tums^
they retired to their Coach, and Pomf^
was conduded to his new Lodgings,

As foon as they lighted at home,
little Mifs ran haftily up Stairs, to fhew
her Brother and Sifters the Prize fhe had
found, and he was handed about from
one to the other with great Delight and
Admiration of his Beauty. He was then
introduced to all their Favourites j which
were a Dormoufe,- two Kittens, a Dutch
Pug, a Squirrel, a Parrot, and a Mag-
pye. To thefe he was prefented with
many childifh Ceremonies, and all the in-
nocent Follies, that are fo important to
the Happinefs of this happieft Age. The
Parrot was to make a Speech to htm,
the Squirrel to make him a Prefent rf
fome Nuts, the Kittens were to dance for
his Diverfion, the Magpye to tell his For-
tune^ and all enjoined to contribute-fonle*

y6 Th^HisTOKY iff

thing to die Entertainment of the little

Straogeh And 'tis inconceivable how

bufy th^ Were in the Execution of thcfc

Trifles^ with all their Spirits up in Arms^

and their whole Souls laid out upon

them«

• ' • • ...

In a few Days, little Pompey bc;gan to
Icnow his Way about the Houfe alonei
and, I am fimy to fay it, in lefs than a
Week he had quite forgot his former
Miftrefs. Here I know not how to ex-
cufe his Behaviour. Had he been a Man,
one fliouid not havis wondered to find
him guilty of Ingratitude, a Vice deeply
rooted in the Nature of that wicked Ani-
tnal ; and acordkigly^ we fee in all the
Revolutions at Court, how readily a new
Mimfteris acknowledged and embraced by
All the Subalterns and d^ndent Flat-
terers, w^ho fawn with the fame Servility
on the New Favourite, as before they
pradtifed to the old \, but that a Dog — a
Creature famous for Fidelity, fhould fo
foon forget his former Friend and Benc-
fai£tj(H'» is, I confefs, ^ite unaccounuble^
and I would willir^ly draw a Veil over
this Part of his Gonckift, if the Veracity
of an Hiftortan did not Oblige me to re-<;
laieit* .

C H A Pj

POMPEY THt LITTLE. 7;

CHAP. IX.

Containing what the Reader will /&ww,

if be reads it.

ALTHOUGH the Family, into
which Pompey now arrived, ar6
a I mod too inconfiderable for the Dignity
of Hiftory, yet as they had the Honour
of entertaining our Hero for a Time, we
ihall explain fome few Circumftances of
their Charafters.

The Mafter of it was Son of a
wealthy Trader in the City, who had
amaffed together an immcnfe Heap of
Riches, merely for the Credit of leaving
io much Money behind him. • He had
deftined his Son to the fame honourable
Purfuit, and very early initiated him into
all the Secrets of Bufinefsj but the
young Gentleman, marrying as foon as
his Father died, was prevailed upon by
his loving Spoufe, whofe Head ran after
;enteel Life, to quit the dirty Scene of
tufinefs, and take a Houfe within the
Regions of Pleafure. As neither of them^
had been ufed to the Company they were
now to keep,, and- both utterly unac-

E 3^ G^iVDwX.^

7? The Hi %TOKY of

quainted with all the Arts of Taftc, their
Appearance in the polite World plainly
manifcfted their Original, and fliewed
how unworthy they were of thole Riches
they fo awkardly enjoy *d. A clumfy,
inelegant Magnificence prevailed in every
Part of their GEconomy, in the Furniture
of their Houfes, in the Difpofition of
their Tables, in the Choice of their
Cloaths, and m every other Aftion of
their Lives. They knew no other En-
joyment but profufe Expence, and their
Coqntry-houle was by the Road-fide at
Higbgate. It may be imagined fuch
awkard Pretenders to High-Life, were
treated with Ridicule by all the People of
Genius and Spirit ; but immoderate
Wealth, and a Coach and Six, opened
them a Way into Company, and few re-
fufed their Vifits, tho' all laughed at
their Appearance. For to tell the Reader
a Secret, Money will procure its Owners
Admittance any where; and however
People may pride themfelves on the An-
tiquity of their Families, if they have
not Money to preferve a Splendor in
Life, they may go a begging with their
Pedigrees in their Hands ; whereas lift a
Grocer into a Coach- and-Six, and let
him attend publick Places, and make

grand

POMPEY THE LITTLE. 7^

grand Entertainments, he may be fure of
having his Table filled with People of
Fafhion, tho* it was no longer ago than
lafl: Week that he left oflF felling Plumbs
and Sugar.

. The Fruits of their Marriage were
three Daughters and a Son, who feemed
not to promife long Life, or at lead were
Jikely to be made wretched by Diftempers.
For as the Father was much affliAed with
the Gout, and the Mother pale, un-
healthy and confumptive, the Children
inherited the Difeafes of their Parents, and
were ricketty, fcrophulous, fallow in
their Complexions, and diftorted in their
Limbs, Nor were their Minds at all
xnore amiable than their Bodies, being
proud, felfifh, obftinate and crofsrhu-
tnoured; and the whole Turn of their
Education feemed calculated rather to
improve thefe Vices then to eradicate
them. For this Purpofe, inftcad of fend*
ing them to Schools, where they would
have been whipt out of many of tlieir
Ill-tempers, and perhaps by Convcrfa-
tion with other Children, might have
learnt a more open generous Difpoiition^
they were bred up under private Teachers
at home, who never oppofed any of their

E 4 Hu^vwx^^

Humours, for fear of offending theii^
Parents. Thus little Matter, the Mother's
Darling, was put under the Care of a do*
meftic Tutor, partly becaufe fhe cou'd
not indure to have him at a Diftance
from her Sight, and partly becaufe fhe
had heard it was genteel to educate young
Gentlemen at home.

The Tutor fele&ed for this Purpofe,
had been dragged out of a College- Garret
at Thirty^ and juft fccn. enough of the
World to make him impertinent and a
Coxcomb. For being introduced all at
once into what is called Zi/lf, his Eyes
were dazzled with the Things he beheld^
and without waiting the Call of Nature,
he made a quick Tranfition from College*
refervednefs to the pert Familiarity of a
London Preacher. He foon grew to de-
fpifethe Books he had tead at; the Univer-
fity, and affeded a.Tafte for polite Lite-
rature — that is, for no Literature at all ;
by which he endeared himfclf fo much
to the Family he lived in, by reading
Plays to them, bringing home Stories
from the Coffee- houfc, and other Arts,
that they gave him the Charafter of the
entertainingeft^ moft facetious y beji-bumoured
Creature that sver came into a Hqufe^ As

.':■■. .; . . "his

P€>MPETTH«LrTTLE. U

his Temper led Wrn by any means to*
flatter his Benefadlors^. he never failed to*
cry up the Parts and GeQius of his Pupil
as a Miracle of Nature ; which the fond.
Mother, underftanding npthing of the
'Matter, very eafily believed. When there-
fore any of her female ViGters were com^
mending, little Matter for ibefinfft Child
'ii>ey ever beheld^ fhe could not help ad-
ding fomething concerning, his Learn-
ing, and would fay on fuch Occafions,
^ I affure yqu. Madam, his Tutor telk
'* me he is forwarder than icver Boy waa.
^ of his Age. He has got already, it
^ feemsy into his Syntax^A, don^t know
^* what the Syntax is Ma*am^ but I dare
^ fay 'tis fome very Qood moral^Book,;
^ othcrwife Mr. Jackfon >ypuM not teaai.
•^ it him ; for to be fure, there never wis
^ a Mafter that had. a better Manner of
-*- teaching-than Mr. j^^»'---:-^^W^
"^ the Syntax, my Dear ^ Tdl the 'LadieV
' ^ what -the Syntax is, Ghildf ' ^ Wh^,,

* Mamma erics the Boy, the Syhfax is
-^ — ^it is at the End of the- y^s in 'Wafinii^
^ and teaches you how to patfe.' * AV,.

* ay, faiddieMothpr^I'thou^hrfo, my
'* dear; ^^tjs lonie Very good-'Betik'U
*1 make '/no ,dt)ubt,^ 'and^;will imptbVe
*t youir ^Morib as^^Il iwyour 1iJn<i^-

82 fifeHisTORr^/

* {landing. Be a good Boy, Child, and

* mind what Mr. Jackfin fays to you,
^ and I dare fay, youMl make a great

* iFigure in Life.'

This is a little Specimen of the young
Gentleman's Education, and that of the
young Ladies fell fhort of it in no Par-
ticular: For they were taught by their
Mother and Governeffes to be vain,
aSeAed, and foppifh ; to difguife every
natural Inclination of the Soul, and give
themfelves up to Cunning, DifHrnuiatipn,
and Infincerity ; to be proud of Beauty
they had not, and afhamed of Pafiions
diey had ; to think all the Happinefs of
Life confifted in a new Cap or a new
Gown, and no Misfortune equal to the
sniiling a Ball

Besides many inanimate Flay-things,
tUs little Family had likewile, as we be-
fore obferved, feveral living Favourites,
whom they took a Delight to vex and
torture for their Diverfion, Among the
Number of thefe, little Pimpey had the
Misfortune to be enrolled *, I fay Misfor-
tune, for wretched indeed are all thofe
Animals, that^ become the Favourites of
Children. For a good white he fufferod

POMPEY THE LITTLE. 83.

bnly the Barbarity of their Kindnefs, and
was perfecuted with no other Cruelties
than what arofe from their extravagant
Love of him; but when the Date of his
Favour began to expire (and indeed it
did hot continue lottg) he was then taught
td feelfhow much feverer their Hate could
be than their Fondnefs. Indeed he liad
from the firft, two or three dreadful Pre-
fagcs of what might happen to him V* for
he had feen with his own Eyes the two
-Kittenfej his Play-fcllowsi drowned for
fooDe Mi^tneandr they had been guilty
of, and this; Magpye's Head chdpt off with
the greatejft Pamon, for daring to peck a
Piece of Plumb-cake, that laid in the
Window,' without • Permiffion; which
Inftan<$es of Cruefcy Were fufRcient to
Wirn him, 4f he had &ily Forefight, of
wkit migt^ afterwards happen to himfeif.

But he was riot left long ta entertain
bimfelf with Conjedures, before he felt
in Perfon arid in reality the mifchievous
Difpbfition of thefe littlie Tyrants.' Spme-
times they took it in their Heads that
' he was full of Fleas, and then he was
' dragged thro' a Can^ till he was almoft
dead, in order to kill the Vermin that
inhabited the Hair of his Body. At

other Times he was fet upon his hifidec
Legs with a Book before his Eyes, and
ordered to read his Leifon ; which not
being able to perform, they whipt him
with Rods till he began to exert his Voice
ih a lamentable Tone^ and then thqf
thaflifed him the nK>re f<»: daring to be
fenfible d Pain,

Much of this Treatment did he un-
dergo, often wifhing him&lf rcftored to
thte .Arms of Ladv "^mpifit when For-
tune taking pity of his {Calanokits, ^ain

;refolved to change his Ixx^ing^. An
elderly Maiden Lady^ Aunt to this little
Brood and Sifter to their Papa, was one
Pay makii^ a Vifit m the Family, and
by great good Luck hap(»ned to be Wit-

ineis of fome of the lH-ukige^ which Pfm^
underwent : For having .cotpinitted fyait
imaginary Fault he was brousht down to
be tormented in her PrefenKre. Her
tighteous Spirit immediately rofe dt. diis

: Treatment *, ihe declare it wap ft jS^mc
to perfeeute pioor dumb Gt!ea¥uf!c$^4n tl9t

. barbai-ous mabtier^ wondered tbeir Mftiy-
ina would fuffer it, sind figdlfied that (he
woilld take the Dog.hpme withbfr. to

: hor own Houfe4 Tho* the little Tyrants

..bad J(»i( bf6& l^ed. of ^ilfitcim^

POMPEY THEiLITTLE. «^

Obftinacy fet them a crying, when they
found he was to be taken from them ;
but there was no contending ; their Aunt
was fefolute» and thus Pompiy wa$ hap*^
pily delivered from thif Houfe of In«

n.

I ; ,

ll

> . X

U-

C H A P.

t <

, . I » > J *■

-II ■ .

. ■) .'

* *■

\

' 'CHAP. X,' ' I

^ Gentalegy of a Cat, and ethet oM 1

Matters, xobieb tbt great Critics of the ]
jige will call imprebabU and uHnaturaU \

AQy I T E new. Scene of Life now
opened on our Hero, who from
frequenting Drums and AlTemblies with
Lady Ttmpeft, from fliining confpicuous
in the Side-boxes of the Opera and Play-
houfe, was now confined to the Chambers
of an old Maid, and obliged to attend
Morning and Evening Prayers. 'Tis
true the Change was not altogether a fud-
den one, fince his laft Place had a good
deal reduced his afpiring Notions} but
ftiU his Gcnim for Gallantry and High-
life continued, and he found it very dif-
ficult to compofe himfelf to the fober
Hours and orderly Deportment of an
antient . Vir^. Sometimes indeed be
would turn up his Ear and Ifcm atten-
tive, while Jhe was reading TiUotfen'i
Sermons ) but if the Truth were known,
I believe he had much rather have been
liftening to a Novel or a Play-book.

^

FlOFLE

POMPfiY THE LITTLE. 87

siM-

People who have been ufed to much
Company, cannot eafily reconcile them-
feves to Solitude, and the only C6m-
panion he found here was an antient
tabby Cat, whom he defpifed at lirft with
a moft fafhionable DUdain^ tho' (he
folicited his Acquaintance with much
Civility, and Ihewed him all the Refpeft
due to a Stranger. She took every Op-
portunity of meeting him in her Walks,
and tried to enter into Converfation with
. him 5 but he never returned any, of her
Compliments, and as much as poflible
declined her Haunts. At length, how-
ever. Time reconciled him to her, and
frequent Meetings produced a ftri<3;
Fricndlhip between them.

This Cat, by name Mapfa^ was
Heirefs of the moft antient Family of
Cats in the World. There is a Tradition,
which makes her to be defcended from
that memorable Grimalkin of Antiquity,
who was converted into a Woman at the
Requeft of her Mafter, and is faid to
have leapt out of Bed one Morning, for-
getting her Transformadon, in purfuit of
a fugitive Moufe : From whdch Event

raU Mgisliftft baiire declaimed on the Im-

poipbility of changing fixed Habits, and
UEftrange \n particular obferves, that
J^ufs^ tW a Madam^ will be a Moufir

It b yery difficuk to^^fiK die predfe
Time of iicr Family's firft Arrival ki
England^ ib vanous and dilcordant arc
the Opinions of our Antiquaries, on that
Subje^. Many are perfuaded t^ey came
©ver with Brute the X^ojan \ others con*
jcdure they were left by Phcsnician IS/Ut^
chants, who formerly traded on the Coait
iA C&mwal. The great J5— » H^ ■ U ^-s
iafiils, that Julius Cajar^ in his fecond
Expedition to Britain j broiight over with,
.him a. Colony of Roman Cats to people
the Ifland, at that time greatly infefted
with Mice and Rats, The learned and
lingenious .Dr, iSf^— ^, difliking all thefc
Opinions, undertakes to prove that they
,were not in England till the COnqueft,,
but that they came over in the fame

• Ship with the Duke of Normandy ^ aftct-
iymrdsfTtlliam the Fir&, Which of theirt
cCdnjeftures is the trudl, thefe ingenious

Gintlemra muft decidk among them-

fclvcsv whiqii I apprehend will not be

. done widibut ^many Volumes of Control

* Kirfy f Haut >du^ ire ^ unamtnous^ilri
\:i ji : j; "" ' fijppofing

POMPEY THB LITTLE. 8^

Tuppofingthe Family to be Very an^|pit
and of foreign £xtra£Uoiu

Another of her great Anceftors^
ivirhofe Name likewife is confiderable in
Hiftory, was that immortal Cat, who
made dieFortilne of Mr. WhitUn^n^ and
advanced him to the Dignity of a Lord-
Mayor of L^»iii^», according to the Pro-
phecy of a Parifli-'Steeple <o that eflfed*
There are lik(?wife many others weli
^nowii to: Tame, as : Gridelm. the Greats
and Dina the Sobir\ and Grimaikin ttk
Pious^ iarid. the fam<Sus Pufs that woi«
Boots, and another that had a Legacy
left her in the laft .Will and Teftament w
her deceafed Miftrefs; of which fatirical
Menticoi is made in the Works of oiir
\EngliJhKHanadgj But leaving thi& Dedix>
itioh'Of ha- Genealogy to the great Pri^
f ^ors x£ that Science, ' and recommend-
ing it to them as ..a Subjed quite new,
and extremely worthy of their fagacious
Refearches^ I (hall proceed to Matters of
greater Confequence .to this Hiftory .

^Tis oblerred by aft xild C?r«^ Poet>
*and from thence copied into tiie SpeSatof^
that there is. a great Similitude betweea
Cats and .Wgmen. Whether the Re«

1 _

90 ■ ^bc History^

feiiiHwc^e be juft in other Inftances, I
will not pretend to deterriiine, but I be-»
lieve it holds exaftly between ancient Cats
and aiitient Maids; which I fuppofeis
the Reafon why Ladies of that Charadcr
are never without a grave Moufer in their
HoufeS) and generally at their Elbows.

Mops A had now lived near a do2en
Years with her prefent Miftrefs, and being
juaturaJly of a ftudious, mufing Tem-
per, fhe had fo improved her Under-
ftanding from the Converfation of this
aged Virgin, that (he was now defervedly
reckoned the moft philofophic Cat in
England. She had the Misfortune fome
Years before to lofe her favourite Sifter
Selima^ who was unfortunately drowned
in a large China Vafe ; which forrowful
Accident is very ingenioufly^ lamented in
a moft el^ant little Ode, which I heartily
xccommend tothePerufaJ of every Reader^
who has a Tafte for Lyric Numbers and
poetical Fancy ; and it is to be found in
one of the. Volumes of Mr. Bo^ef%
CoUedion of Mifcellany Poems. This
Misfortune added much to -ftfo^'s Gra-
vity, and gave her an Air of Melancholy
not eafily defcribed. For a long white
indeed her Grief was fo great, that ihe

neglected

POMPEY THB LITTLE. 91

negleiftcd the Care of her Perfon, neiibcr
cleanfing her Whiflcers, nor waftiing her
Face as ufual ; but Time and Refledlion
at length got the better of her Sorrow,
and reftored her to the natural Serenity
of her Temper. .

When little Pompey came mto the
Family, fhe faw he had a good Difpofition
at the bottom, tho* he was a wild^
tbougbikfs^ young t>og^ and therefore re-
folved to try the Effefts of her Philo-
Ibphy upon him. If therefore at any time
be began to talk in the Latiguage of the
World, andflourifliedupon^BallS) Operas,
Plays^ Mafquerades, and the like, ihe
would take up the Difcourfe, and with
much Socratical Compofure prove to him
the Folly and Vanity of fuch Purfuits.
She would tell him ho^ unworthy it was
of a Dog of any Underftanding to fol-
low the trivial Gratification of his Senfes,
and how idle were the Pageants of Am-
bition compared with the fober Comforts
of Philofophy. This indeed he ufed to
ridicule with great Gaiety of Spirit (if the
Reader will believe it) and tell her by
way of Anfwer, that her Contempt of the
World arofc from her having never lived
in it. But when he had a little wore oiF

$2 . The History of

th#^eli{h of Pleafure, he began to liften
(cvery Day to her Arguments with greater
Attention, till at length (he abfolutely
convinced him that Happinefs is no where
fo jpcrfed, as in Tranquillity and retired
Life.

• From this Time their Fricndfhip grew
ftrifter every Day •, they ufcd to go upon
little Parties of innocent Amufement to-
gether, and' it was very entertaining to
lee them walking Side by Side in the Gar-
den, or lying couchant under a Tree to
furpri^e fome little Bird in the Branches.
Malicibus Fame no fooner obferved this
Intinrfacy, than with her ufual Malice (he
publilhcd the Scandal of an Amour be-
tween them 5 but I am perfuaded it had
•no Foundation, for. iWfof/^ was old enough
to' be Pompey^i 'Grand mother, and be-
■fides he always behaved to her, rathei^
'With the Homage due to a Parent than
the ardent Fondnefs of a Lover.

But Fortune, his conftant Enemy»
again fet her Face againft him. The two
Friends one Day in their Miftrefs*s Clofet,
had been engaged in a very ferious Dif-
pute on the Summum Bonum^ or chief
Good of Life 5 and both of them had

delivered

- '^ •

POMPEYtheXITTLE. , ««

delivered their Sentiments very gravely
upon it ; the Qne/comending for an ab-
folute Exclufion o( all Pleafure, the other
defirous only to iixtermix foaie Diverfionsf
with his Plilofophy. They were ieated
on two Books, which their Mi^refs had
left open in her Study ; to wit, Mppfa
on Nelfon^s Feftivals^ and Pompey on
Baker* ^ Chronicles ; when alas — how Kttlc
things often determine the greateft Mat-
ters! Pompey^ in the Earneftnefs of his
Debate, did fomething on the Leaves of
that f^e Hiftof ian, very unworthy of his
Character, and improper to be mentioned
in explicit Terms. His Miftrefs unfor-
tunately entered the Room at that Mo-
ment, and faw the Crime he had been
guilty of ; which fo enraged her^ that ihe
refolved never to fee his Face any itiorc,
but ordered her Footman todUpoie of
iiim without delay.

*

Thus was this hopeful .Friendlhip in«
terrupted almoit as foon as it began \
for the Footman, having received his
Miftrefs's Orders, fold \am that very
Day for a Pint of Porter to an Alcr
houfe-kcepcr's Diiqghter near J^e^jPari;
Corncn

.L

94 ?i6^ History of

C H A R XI.

the Hiftory of a modijb Marriage ; tU
Defcription of aCoJ^ee-Houfe^ and a very
p-ave political Debate on the Good of the
Nation.

pOMP ET was fold, as we havejuft
obferved, to an Alehoufe-Keeper's
Daughter, for the valuable Confideration
of a Pint of Porter. . This amiable young
Lady was then on the Point of Marriage
with a Hackney-Coachman, and foon af-
terwards the Nuptials were confummated
to the great Joy of the two ancient Fami-
lies, who were by this means fure of not
being extinft. As foon as the Ceremony
was over at the Fleets the new-marric4
Couple fet out to celebrate their Wedding
at the Old blue Boar in 'Tyburn Road, and
the Bride was condudted home at Night
dead-drunk to her new Apartments in a
Garret in Smitbfield,

This fafhibnable Pdr had fcatce been
inarried three t)ays before they beggn to

?uarrel on • a very fafliionable Subjeft :
or the civil well-bred Hufband coming
bpme one Night fiiom his Station, and
' ^ " cxpcdting

PONTPEY THE LITTLE, g^

cxpeftbg the Cow-heels v to . have bcea
ready for his . Supper, found his Lodg-^
ings empty, and his darling Specie
abroad. At about eleven o'clock. fh^
came flouncing into the Room, and telling
him, with grtsitgaile de ccsuvy that fhe had
been at. the Play, began to defcribe. the
feveral Scenes of Hamlet Prince of Den--
iWi»r>t.; Judge if this was riot Provoca-
tion toa great for a Hackney- Coachman^s
Temper* He fell to exercifing his Whip
in a mbft outrageous Manner, and fhe
applying kerfelf no lefs readily to more
defperate Weapons^ a moft blwdy Fray
cnfued between them -, in which jiutame-^
^11 had;like.to l^ve been dabbed with a
Penknife, and his fair Spoufe was obliged
to keep her Bed near a Month with the
Bruifes flie received in this horrid Ren-
counter.

Little Prnptyrtoyf moft fenfibly felt
the ill Eflfeds of his former Luxury,
•which fenred only to aggravate the Mife^
ries of his prefcnt Condition. The coarfe
Fare he met with in roofle& Garrets, or
Cellars uruier Ground, were but indeli-
icate Moffete to one ,who bad fgrojerly
liv^d on Ragouts and Fricajfmi and he
found it very difiicult to fleep oa bard

{

96 ' $^' History <jf*

and haked Flooriy mho had been uied ti)
have his Limbs cufhioned up on Sopbcfi
aa(i Couches* But luckily /or him, hit
Favour widi jiis Miftrcfs procured him
the Hatred of his Matter, who fold him
a fecond Time to a Nyipph of BiUingf^
gaU for a Pennyworth of Oyfters.
- ■ i ' "...

-His Situation indeed was not mended for
theprefent by this means, but ic put him in
a Wav to be releafed the fooner from a
Courie of Life fo ill futted to his Onuilitu-*
tion or his Temper. For this delica^ FHhcT'^
woman, as flie went her Rounds, carried
him one Evening to a certain Cofieei^ioufe
near the T^mplcj where the Lady behind
the Bar was immediately ftruck with his
Beauty, and with no great Difficulty pre>
vailed on the gentle Water-Ny mph to fiiT}
render him for a Dram of Brandy-

His Fortunes now began to^ear a lit*
tie ibeti;er Afped, and he fpervt his Time
here ^gitedbly enough in Hftening to the
Converfations and Difputes ^t ar4>fe in
the Coflfee-Room among People of a&
Denominations; for here ^embkd Wits^
Criticsi, T6mp]»rff, Politicians, Poets^
Country Squires, grave Tradefmen, and
ifapient Phyfidans.

3 Th»

POMPEY THE LITTLE. ^7

The little Confiftories^of Wit claimed
his firft Attention, being a Dog of a na-
tural Turn for Humour, and he took a
Pleafure to bear young Templars critidfe
the Works of Shake/pear^ call Mr. Gar--
rick to account every Evening for his
Aftionj extoKthc Beauty of Adlreffes,
and the Reputation of Whores. Here
the illuftrious Mr. F — / (before he was
yet exalted to the Dignity of keeping a
Chariot and Bay-horfes, which perhaps
may not be the bigheft Exaltation he has
yet to undergo) ufcd to harangue to i
Club of his Admirers, and like a great
Profeflbr of Impudence, teach them the
Principles of that immortal Science. Here
he conceived the firft Thought of pving
Tea J and milling Chocolate ; and here hq
laid the Plan of all thofe mighty Opera-
tions he has fince atchieved. The Matter
of the Coffee- houfe himfelf is a great
Adept in modern Literature, and, I be-
lieve reads Leftures of Wit to young
Templars on their firft Appearance in
Town.

PoMPEY, when he was tired of the
Clubs of Humour, would betake himfelf
to another Table, and liften to a Junto of
Politicians, who ufed to ajQTemble here in

F ^

,1

9? STJ^ History ^ -

an Evening with the moft public-fpirited
Views i namely, to fettle the Affairs of
the Nation, and point out the Errors of
the Miniftry. Here he has heard the
Government arraigned in the moft abu-
five manner, for what the Government
never performed or thought of 5 and the
loweft Ribaldry of a dirty News-paper
cried up as the higheft Touches of Attic
Irony. He has heard Sea-fights con-
demned by People who never faw the Sea
even thro* a Telefcope ; and the General
of an Army called to account for. his Dif-
pofition of a Battle, by Men whofe Know-
ledge of War never reached beyond a
Cock-match.

A C^RiOT^s Converfation of this kind
happened one Day in bis hearing, which
I mall beg leave to relate as a little Spe-
cimen of Coflfee-houfe Oratory. It hap-t
petied at the End of the late Rebellion i
and the chief Orator of the Club begaa
as ufual with alTertipg, that the Rebel-
lion was promoted by the Miniftry for
fome private Ends of their own. * What

* was the Reaibn, faid he, of ils bekig

* difbelieved fo long ? Why was our Ar-

* my abfent at fuch a critical Co^junc-

* ture? Let any Man tell me that, I

• fliould

POMPEY THi LITTLE. 99

* fhould be glad hear any Man anfwer

* me thefe Qjieftions. D — mn it, they
^ may think perhaps they are adting all this

* while in fecret, and applaud themfelves

* for their Cunning ; but I believe I know

* morethan they would wilh me to know.

* Thank God I can fee a Iktle, if I pleafe

* to open my Eyes ; and if I was in the

* Houfe of Commons 'Zounds, old

^ fFiiipok is behind the Curuin ftill, not-

* withftanding his Refignation, and the

* old Game is playing over again, what-

* ever they may pretend There was

^ a Correlpondence between JValpole and

* Fleury^ to my Knowledge, and they pro-

* jetfted between them all the Evils that

* have fince happened to the Nation/

The Company all feemed to agree
with this eloquent Gentleman's Senti*
ments 5 and one of them ventured to fay,
he believed the Army was fent iftto F/tf »-
ders^ on purpofe to be out of the way at
the Time of the Infurreaion. • '2k)unds^

* fays the Orator, I believe you are in the

* right, and the Wind blew them over
^ againft their Inclinations. Pox! What

* made fVbat-^ye-calkunf s Army difperfe
^ as it did? let any body anfwer me that,

* if they arc able. 'Doa\ you think they

Fa ^ V^

lOo 21&^ HisTOR y ^/ '

* had Orders from above to run away ?—

* By G— d I do, if you don't, and I be-

* lieve I could prove it too, if I was to

* fet about it. Befides, if they have any

* Defire of preventing future Invafions

* from France^ why don't they fend out
« and burn all their Shipping? Why

* don't they fend out V'm'n^N\t\i a ftrong

* Fleet, and let him burn all their Ship-

* ping ? I warrant him, if he had a pro-
•. per Commiffion in his Pocket, he would
< not leave a Harbour or a Ship in France

* — but ihey know they don't dare

* do it for fear of Difcoveries ; they are

* in League with the French Miniftry ; or

* elfe, damme, can any thing be fo eafy
^ as to take and burn all the Shipping in

* France?

A Gentleman, who had hitherto fat
filent at the Table, replied, with a Sneer
on his Countenance, ' No, Sir, nothing in

* the World can be fo eafy, except talk-

* ing about it.' This drew the Eyes of
the Company upon him, and every one
began to wink at his Neighbour, when
the Orator refumed the Difcourfe in the
following manner. * Talk, Sir ? No, by

* G— d, we are come to that pafs, that wc

* don't dare talk now-a-days j things are

4 « come

POMPEY THE LITTLE. loi

^ come to fuch a pafs, that we don't dare
^ open our Mouths.* * Sir, faid the Gen-
^ tleman, I think -you have been talkin}
^ already with great Licentioufnefs ; an(
^ let me add too, with great Indecency on
^ a very ferious Subjeft/ • 'Zounds,
' Sir, faid the Orator, may not I have
' the liberty of fpeaking my Mind freely
^ upon any Subjedt that I pleafe? why, .
^ we don't live in France^ Sir ; you for-

^ get, furely ^This is England^ this is

^ honeft Old England^ Sir, and not a Mi-
' hornet an Empire Ttho' God knows how
' long we (hall continue fo in the Way

» we are going on and yet, forfooth,

' we muft not talk ; our Mouths are to
' be fewed up, as well as our Purfes

* taken from us -Here we are paying

* four Shillings in the Poun(J, and yet

* we muft not fpeak our Minds freely.'

* Sir, faid the Gentleman, undoubtedly

* you may fpeak your Minds freely ; but

* the Laws of your Country oblige you

* not to fpeak Treafon, and the Laws of

* Good-manners Ihould difpofe you to
« fpeak with Decency and Refpedt of

* your Governors. You fay. Sir, we are

* come to that pafs, that we dare not

* talk 1 proteft, that is very extra-

* ordinary, and if I was. called upon

F 2 ^ \.Ck

102 TSjrHtSTORY »f

* to anfwer tlus Declaration, I would r»

* ther fay we are come to that pafs dovP'

* a daysi that we talk with moFe Virt>
"* lenceandIlMai}gaage thanerer— — wc

* talk upwi Sul^cds, which it is impof*

* fiblewefhouldundcrftatid, andadvancs

* Allertions, which we know to be falfe.

* Bold Affirmations agunft the Govem-

* ment are believed merely from the Dint
, "' of Aflurante with which they are fpfr

* ken, and the idleft Jargon often pafles

* for the founded Reafoning. Give me

* leave to fay, Ifou, Sir^ arc a living Ex-
■' ^mplfr of the Lenitjt of that Govern-

* ment, which you are abufing for want

* f£ Lenity, and your own Practice in the
' ftrongeft manner confutes your own Af-

* fertitHis^-but I beg we may call another

* SubjcA.'

He R z the Orator having nothing more
to reply, was refolved to retire from a
Place where he could no longer make a
Figure. Whcfefore, flinging down his
.Reckoning, and puttkig on his HaE with
great Vehemence, he walk'd away mut-
tering furlily to himfelf, ^hingi are com
to a^nt pafs truly, if People mofHotbavt
the liberty ef Taliirtg. The reft of the
Company &paraced (boa afterwards, all
of

I

POMPEY THE LITTLE. 103

of ihem harbouring no very favourable
Opinion of the Gentleman, who had ta-
ken the Courage to ftand up in Defence
of the Government. Some imagined he
was a Spy, others concluded he was a Wri-
ter of the Gazettes, and the moft part were
contented with only thinking him a Fool.

The angry Orator was no fooner got
home to his Family, and feated in his
Elbow-chair at Supper, than he began to
give vent to the Indignation he had been
colleding; > 'Zounds, faid he^ I have
^ been called to account for my Wordft
^ to night, I have been told by a Jack-
^ a- napes at the CofFee-houfe^ that I nfiuft

* not fay what I pleafe againltthe'Co-

* vernment. Talk with Decency indeed I

* a Fart of Decency ! — ^let them aft with

* Decency, if th^y have a mind to ftop

* People^s Mouths-^Talk with Decency !
< d— *mn 'em al]> PU talk what I pleafe»
^ and no King or Minifter on Earth fhall

* controul me. Let *em behead fie, if

* they have a mind, as they did Balme*

* ri/w,'and toother Fellow, that died like
^ a Coward. Muft I be catechized by a

* little Sycophant that kiffcs the A— « of
^ a Minifter? What is an EngHJhman^
^ that dares not utter his Sentiments

F 4 * ficecbii

I04 Tb^ Hi STOKV of

* freely ? — ^Talk with Decency ! I wi(h
.^ I had kicked the Rafcal out of the
» CofFee-houfe, and I will, if ever I meet

* him again, damme Pox! we arc

* come to a fine pafs, if every little pra-

* ting, pragmatical Jack- a- napes is to con-
* . tradift a true- bom Englifhman* *

While his Wife and Daughters fat
trembling at the Vehemence of his
Speeches, yet not daring to fpeak, for
fear of drawing his Rage on themfelves,
he began to curfe them for their Silence;
and addrefling himfelfto his Wife, Why

* do*ft not fpeak, cries he ? what, I fup-

* pofe, I Iball have you telling me by-

* and-by too, that I muft talk with De-

* cency ?* * My dear, faid the Wife, i

* with great Humility, I know nothing
.* at all of the Matter.' • No, cries he,

'I believe not ; but you might know

* to drefs a Supper, tho% and be d-mn*d

* to you— —Here's nothing that lean

* eat, according to Cuftom. Pox, a Man

* may ftarve with fuch a Wife at the

* Head of his Family.

When the Cloth was removed, and
he was preparing to fill his Pipe, unfor-
tunately he could not find his Tobacco-

ftopper,

POMPEYthe LITTLE. 105

ftopper, which again fet his Choler at
work. / Go up Stairs, Moll! faid he to

* one of his Daughters, and feel in my old

* Breeches Pocket Damme, 1 believe

* that Scoundrel at the Coffee- houfe has

* robbed mtwitb his Decency -Why

* do*ft not ftir. Girl? what, haft got the

* Cramp in thy Toes ? Why, Pappa, faid

* the Girl flippantly, I am going as faft

* as I can.*— Upon which, immediate-
ly he threw a Bottle at her Head, and
proceeding from Invedives to Blows, he
beat his Wife, kicked his Daughters,
fwore at his Servants 5 and after all this,
went reeling up to Bed with Curfes in his
Mouth againft the Tyranny of the Go-
vernment.

Nothing cap be more common than
Examples in this way, of People who
prefide over their Families with the moft
arbitrary brutal Severity, and yet are
ready on all Occafions to abufe the Go-.
vernment for the fmalleft Exertion of its
Power, To fay the Truth, I fcarce know
a Man, who is not a Tyrant in Miniature^
over the Circle of his own Dependents ;
and I have obferved thofe in particular to
exercife the greateft Lordfhip over their
Inferiors, who are moil forward to com-

ict6 Tie HisTOBY #f

flain of Oppreflion from their SupenorSt
lappy is k for the World, that this
Coffee-houfe Statefman was not bom a
King, for one may very jiuftly apply t»
him the Line of Martialy

HH mihi ! ftfucris tu Leo^ fualis cris ?

CRAP.

POMPETTHELrXTLE. 107

c H A P. xn.

A Dtfcription ef QmnfeUcr Tanturian.

BU T among the many People, -who
frequented this CoflFee-Houfe, Fom-
fey was delighted with no-body more than
with the Perfbn of Counfellor Tamurian 5
who ufed to crawl out once a Week, to
read all the publick Papers from Munday
to Monday^ at the moderate Price of a
Pemiyi His Drefs and Character were
both fo extraordir^ary^ as will excufe a
flitort Pigreffion upon him.

He (etoM originally wkh a wry hum-
ble Fortune at the Temfk^ net without
Hopes, however, of arriving, fbmeTime
or other, at the GhanceHcw^s Seat : But
having tried his AbiKtics once pr twice at
the Bar, to little Purpofe, Nature foon
whifpered m his Ear^ tfert he was never
«ie&gned for an Orator. He attended the
Judges indeed, after this, through two
or three Circuits, bat finding hts Gaipi
by no means equivalent to his Expences^
he thought it moft prudent to dcclrht the
noify Forum^ and content himfelf with
giving Advice to Clients in a Chamber^ ^

108 7i^ Hi STORY of

Either his Talents here alfo were defici-
ent, or Fame had not fufEciently divulged
his Merit, but his Chamber was feldom
diilurbed with Viliters. and he had few
Occafions to envy the Tranquillity of a
Country Life, according to the Lawyer
vsi Horace \

Jgrtcolam laudat juris kgumque piritus^

, Sub Gain cantum confultor ubi oftia
fulfat.

His Temper grew foured and unfocial by
Mifcarriages, and the Narrownefs of his
Fortune obliging him to a ftrift Fruga-
lity, he foon degenerated into Avarice.
The Ruft of Money is very apt to infedk
l^e Soul ; and People, whole Circum-
ftances condemn them to Q£conomy, in
Time grow Mifers from very H^bit.
This was the Cafe with Counfellor ^an*
turiany who haying quite difcarded the
Reliih of Pleafure, and finding his little
Pittance, by that means, more than ade-
quate to his Expences, refolved to apply
the Overplus to the laudable Purpofes of
Ufury. This noble Occupation lie had
followed a long Time, and by it accu«
mulateda Sum of Ten Thoufand Pounds,
wluch his Heart would not fuffer him to

POMPEY THE LITTLE. 109

enjoy, tho' he had neither Relation or
Friend to leave it to at his Death. He
lived almoft confbntly alone in a dirty
Chamber, denying himfelf every Com-
fort of Life, and half-ftarved for want of
Suftenance. Neither Ix)ve, nor Ambi-
tion, nor Joy, difturbed his Repofe ; his
Paffions all centered in Money, and he
was a kind of Savage within Doors.

The Furniture of his Perfon was not
lefs curious than his Charaftcr. At home
indeed he wore nothing but a greafy Flan-
nel Cap gbout his Head, and a dingy
Night-gown about his body ; but when
he went abroad, he arrayed himfelf in a
Suit of Black, of full Twenty Years
(landing, and very like in Colour to what
is worn by Undertakers at a J'uneral.
His Peruke, which had once adorned the
Head of a Judge in the Reign of Queen
Annjs^ fpread copioufly over his Back,
and down his Shoulders. By his Side
hung an aged Sword, long rufted in its
jScabbard, and his black Silk Stockings
had been fo often darned with a different
Material, that, like Sir John Cutler^ s^
they were now lioetamorphofed into black
Worftcd Stockings,

:S>a^vw

V
i-

Such va& ComifzUae Tanturian, who
«nce a Week came to read the News-
papers at the Co^-houfe, where Pem-
prf lived. A Dog of any .Talents for
Humour could not help being divtrted
with tus Appearancer and our Hero found '
great Plcanire in playing him TriclUa in
which he was fecrecijr encouraged t^
every Body in the Cofiee-room. At firft
indeed, he never hw him withoac bark-
ing at him, as at a Monfter juft dropped
out of the Moon ; but when Time had a
Httle reconciled him to his Figure, he en-
tertained- the Company every Time he
came with fome new Frank, at the Coun*
feltor's Expence. Once he ranaw^ with
lus Speflacles ; at another Time, he laid
violdtf Teeth on his Shirt, which hung
out of his Breeches, and Ikook it, to the
great DivcrTKUi of all BeholderB: But
whi£ occafioned more Laughter than asy
Thing, was a Trick that fblbws.

Tahtukian bad been tempted one
Day by two oU Acqoantance, to in-
du^ lus Genius at a Tavcm ; where be
compluned highly of the Ea^ienfivenefs
of the Dinner, tho* it confiftcd only of a
Beef-fteak and two Fowls, That nothing
«. mi^

POMPEY THE LITTLE- rif

might be bft, he took an Opportunity,
vndbferved by the Company, to flip the
Leg of a Pulfet into his Pocket ; intend-
ing to carry it home for hi9 Supper atr
Night. In his Way he called at the Cof-
fee-houfe, and little Pompey playing about
him as ufual^ unfortunately happened to»
icent the Provifion in the Counfellor's-
Pocket, ^anturiany mean time, wa&
deeply eng^ed in bis News^paper, and
Pampey getting flily behind him, thruft
his Head into the Pocket, and boldljp
ieizing the SpoUs, difplayed them ia
Triumph to the Sight of the whole Roomi.
The poor Counfellor could not (land the
Lau^, but retired home in a melan^
choly Mood, vexed at the Difcovery,
and more vexed at the Lois of his Sup-
per.

Bur thefe JOiverfions were foon in-
terrupted by a moft unlucky Accident,
and our Hero^ unfortunate as he has hi-
therto been, is now going to fuffcr a Tura
of Fate more grievous than any he yet
has known. Following the Maid one
Evening into the Streets, he lanluckily
mifled her at the Turning of an Alley,
and happening to take a wrong: Way,,
prowled out of his Knowledge berore he

\

112 Tie His T OKY cf

was aware. He wandered about the
Streets for many Hours, in vain endea-
vouring to explore his Way home -, in
which Diftrefs, his Memory brought back
the cruel Chance that had feparated him
from his beft Miftrefs, Lady Tempeft^ and
this Refleftion aggravated his M ifery be-
yond Defcription. At laft, a Watchman
picked him up, and carried him to the
Watch-houfe. There he fpent his Night
in all the Agonies of Horror andDefpair.

* How deplorable, thought he, is my

* Condition, and what is Fortune pre-

* paring to do with me ? Have I not al-

* ready gone through Scenes of Wrctch-
^ ednefs enough, and mud I again be
' turned adrift to the Mercy of Pate ?
« What unrelenting Tyrant fhall next be

* my Mafter? Or what future Oyfter-

* woman (hall next torture me with her

* Careffcs ? Cruel, cruel Fortune ! when
J will thy Pcrfccutions end ? *

CH A ?•

I

POMPEY THB LITTLE. 113

C H A P. XIIL

A JhoH Chapter^ containing _ alhibeWit^
and all the Spirit^ and all the Pleafurc
0f modern ^oung Gentlemen. ^

AS he was thus abandoning himfelf
to Lamentation and Defpair, fome
other Watchmen brought in two frefli
Prifbners to bear him Company in his
Confinement, who, I am forry to fay it,
were two young Lords. They were ex-
tremely difordered, both in their Drefs,

<and their Underftanding ; and Cham-
paigne was not the only Enemy they had
encountered that Evening. One of them
had loft his Coat and Waiftcoat; the
other his Bag and Peruke, all but a little
circular Lock of Hair^ which grew to his
Forehead, and now hanging over his

^ Eyes, added not a little to the Drollery

' of his Figure.

The generous God of the Grape had

caft fuch a Mift over their Underftand-

- ings, that they were infenfible at firft of

the Place they were promoted to ;. but at

length, one of them a little recovering

lu%

114 ^^^ History of

his Wits, cried out, •What theDevilKace
is this ? A Bawdy-houfe, or a Prefby-
tcrian Mceting-houfe ? * Neither, Sir,
anfwered a Watchman, but the Round-
houfc/ * O P— X, faid his Lordlhip,
I. thought you h^ been a dtfienting
Parfon, old Grey-beard, and was going
to preach ag^nft Wh — ring, for you
muft know, old Fellow, I am confound-
edly in for it — But what Privilege have
you, Sir, to carry a Man of Honour
to the Round- houle?' * Ay^ faid the
other, what Right ha$ fuch an old For-
nicator as thou art, to interrupt the
Pleafurcs rf Men of Quality ? May not
a Nobleman get drunk,^ without being
diftuit)ed by a Pack of Rafcais in th^
Streets ?* * Gentlenien, anfwered the
Watch, we arc no Rafcals, but Ser-
vants of his Majefty King Ge$rge^ and
His Majefty requites us .to tAke up all
People chat com mit diforderjy; Riots in
his Ma)cfty*s Streets,* ^ You lie, you
Scoundrels, faid one of their Lordlhips,
'tis the Prerogative of Men of Fafhion
to do what they pleafe, and Til profe-
cute you for a Breach of Privilege— *-
D— mn you, my Lord, PUhoid you
Fifty Pound, that old Prig there, in
the great Coats ia a Cuckold, and he

^ fliaU

POMPEYthb LITTLE, its

Ihall be Judge himfelf.-^How many
Eyes has your Wife got, old Fellow ^
one or two ? * * Well, well, faid the
Watchman, your Honours mav abufe
us as much as you pteafe ; out we
know we are doing our Duty, and wt
will perform it in the King^s Name.*
Your Duty, you Rafcal, cried one of
thefe Mten or Honour, is immediately
to fetch us a Girl^ and a Dozen of
Champagne *, if you^ll perform that,
ni fay you are a^ honed an old Son of
a Whore, as ever lay with an Oyftcr*
woman. My dear Fanny f if I had but
you here, and a Dozen,ofi^»*s Cla-
ret, I {houkl efteem this Round- houiie
a Palace*— Curfc me, if I don't love to
fleep in a Round*houfe fometimes ; it
gives a Variety to Life, and relieves
one from the Infipidnefs of a foft Bed/
Well-{aid, my HerOj ainlwered his
Companion, and thefe old Scoundrels
(hall carry us before my Lord Mayor
To-morrow, for the Humour of the
Thing. Pox take him, I buy all my
Tallow-candles of his Lordfhip, and
therefore I am fure he'll ufe n^e like ^
Man of Honour/

In

i\6 The History of

In fuch kind of gay modilh Conver-
fation did thcfe illuftrious Perfoni con-
fume their Night, and principally in lay-
ing Wagers, whichatprcfent is the high-
eft Article of modern Pleafure. Every
Particular of human Life is reduced by
, the great Calculators of Chances to the
Condition of a Bet\ -but nothing is
eftecmed a more laudable Topic of Wd"
geringf than the Lives of eminent Men 5
which, in the elegant Language of New^
market y is called running Lives ; that is to
fay, a Bifhop againft an Alderman, a
Judge againft a Keeper of a Tavern, a
Member of Parliament againft a famous
Boxer ; and in this Manner all People's
Lives are wager'd out, with proper Al-
lowances for their Ages, Infirmities, and
Diftempers. Happy the Nation that can
produce fuch ingenious^ accomplilhed
Spirits!

These two honourable Peers had been
fpending their Evening at a Tavern, with
many others, and when t.he rational Par-
ticle was thoroughly drowned in Claret,
one of the Company leaping from his
Chair, cried out, ff^ho will do any Thing ?
poun which, a Refolution was immedi-
ately

POMPEY THE LITTLE. 117

ately taken, to make a Sally into the
Streets, and drink Champaigne upon the
Horfe at Charing- Crofs. This was no
Iboner projedtcd than executed, and they
performed a great Number of heroical
Exploits, too long to be mentioned in
this Work, but we hope fome future
Hiftorian will arife to immortalize them
for the fake of Pofterity. After t^iis was
over, they rcfolved to fcour the Streets,
and perceiving a Light in a Cellar under
Ground, our two Heroes magnanimoufly
defcended into that fubterranean Cave, in
queft of Adventures. There they found
fome Hackney Coachmen enjoying them-
felves with Porter and Tobacco, whom
they immediately attacked, and offered
to box the two fturdieft Champions of
the Company. The Challenge was ac-
cepted in a Moment, and whilft our He-
roes were engaged, the reft of the Coach-
men chofe to make off with their Cloaths,
which they thought no inconfidcrable
Booty. In Ihort, thefe Gentlemen of
Pleafure and High-life were heartily
drubbed, and obliged to retreat with
Shame from the Cellar of Battle^ leaving
their Cloaths behind them, as Spoils, at
the Mercy of the Enemy. Soon after-
wards, they were taken by the Watch,

ji^ ?*ia History e/

being too feeble to make Refiftance, and
cx)nduAed to the Round-houTe ; where
they fpent their Night in the Manner ^-
leady defcribed. The next Mwmng, they
returned Home in Chairs, new-dreficd
themfelves, and then took their Seats is
Farlbn^ent, to ena& Laws for the Good
of xheir Country,

CHAP,

\

POMPEYtheLITTLE. i,^

CHAP. XIV.
Our Hero falls into grtat Misfortunes.

WHEN the Watchman had dif-
charged himfelf in the M9rhing
of thefe honourable Prifoners^ he next
bethought himfelf of little Pompey^ who
had fallen in^ his Hands in a nrK)re in-
offenfive manner* Hkn he prefented that
Day to a blind Beggar of his Acquaint-
ance, who had lately loft his Dog, and
wanted a new Guide to condu£t him
about the Streets. Htvc *Pompey again
fell into the' moQ: defpondmg Medita-
tions, * And was this Mifery, thought
be, referved in ftore to compleat the
Series of my Misfortunes ? Am I de-
dined to lead about the dark Footfteps
of a blind, decrepit, unwor<thy Beggar?
Mutl I go dag^ed thro' the Streets
with a Rope about my Neck, linking
me to a Wretch that is the Scorn of * \
human Nature ? O that a Rope were
fixed about my Neck indeed for a
nobler* Purpofe, and that I were here to
end a dreadful, tormenting Exiftence !
Can I bear to hear the Sound ^f, Pr^
rememhr the$oorhUnd B^gar? I who

120 The Hi STOKV of

* have converfed with Lords and Ladies •,

* who have flept in the Arms of the

* faireft Beauties, and lived on the choiceft

* Dainties this habitable Globe can af-

* ford ! Cruel, cruel Fortune ! when will

* thy Perfecutions end ?

But when the firft Emotions of his
Grief were a little calmed, he began to
call in the Aids of Philofophy ; the many
ufeful Leflbns he had learnt from the fage
Mop/a infpired him with Refolution 5 and
he fortified hhnfelf befides, with remerii-
bering a Speech in King Lear^ which he
had formerly heard at Drury Lane Play-
houfe.

To l^e worjt.
The lowejfj moji dejeSled thing of Fortune^
Stands ft ill in Efperance^ lives not in Feari
The lamentable Change is from the beft^
The worft returns to Laughter. Welcome then
Thou unfubftantial Air^ which I embrace 5
The Wretch^ that thou baft blowtMinto tie

worfl^
Owes nothing to thy Blafts.

To fay the Truth, his Condition was
not fo deplorable upon Trial as it ap-
peared in Profpeft : For tho' he was con-
demned to travel thro* dirty Streets all

Day

TOM>EYtheLITT1.E. lit

TJaf long in qiieft of Charity, y€t dt
Night both he ^nd his Mafter fared
fumptuoufly' enoufgh *oh their Gainst
and many a lean Projedtor or ftarving
Poet might envy the Supjpers of this
Mind Beggar. . He feldom railed to col-
left four Shillii^s a l^y, and ufed to fit
down to his hot Meais with as much
SuteUneis as a Peer tould da to a regu-
lar £ncert)^ment ^d Deflkt.

There is a Story I -hate often heard
iof a crippled Be^ar, who lifed conftant^
4y'to apply for'Alms at Hyde-Park Coi<-
tier i where a Gentleman, who was then
juft recovered "frofti a dangerous Fit of
lUnefs, never failed to give him Six-pence
every Morning, as fae paiTed ^ by in his
Chariot for nhe Air. A Servant t>f this
Gentlemtan's goiftg by chance 6ne Day
Into an Alehoufe, dijfeovered this fame
Beggar • fitting down ^to a Brtidt of Vea!
with fome more of the Fraternity, and
Jieard him r^ing at the Landlord, be-
caufe the Bur was gone, and he had no
*Lemon ready to fqiieeze over it ; addin]
tnany Threats of leaving the Houfe,
their Dinners were not ferved tip for the
fUture with more Regularity and Rejpeft.
T'he Servant informed his Mafter ot this

G «x\^

•xtr^Kirdinary 'Qnwn^ft^^ and noH
l^omiJng >9^n ThCii^peredllypDcrit*
applied for his. Charily aS; vdmU in ik
c3d k^qeIlUb]^ Yq\cc^ ^ Gendemad put
t^ Hea4 out of thf Chariot, and m\i
UJaij witJi a SaFcafm» No^ Sir^ Icanm

(\

Ths Reader, I hopej will l^e conisented
to pais over Hiwy Of %^ Mileniies which
Pompey fufFered in this wretched Service ;
for as we have a' great R^ard for his
Memory, we cannot be fuppofed to d weU
3¥ith aay Pkafiirje on his Misfortunes.
Afcer he had lived iome Months in Jjjoih
don^ his Uind Mailer ^ !o»t lor Baib $
whither he always reforted in the. public
Seafbnsv not for i^e iakeof playing ^

pO, it may beimagiw4 poryetfttrth^
^lepfure of W^g Qakoia ixit*% the aCf
4:;^p)iih(e4 Hxi. Mufi^ .IQ^abCe a Minnelt
GU,^ PialU 1»^ with tfetjhwiSjftf la^^^
jtiful Harveft among Wirm l^eopk^ :wh0fli
Jii-h?akhdifpofefito:Chadty, XhdSeioiict
^B«8?fla^* ^^§diieedi «o -Ofttain dPf»gir
^es x)f :J^T^ .»5 jwelJrftS(^lvcfil»r rJBrofef-
liona! ^nd ^^Siqki^^ iiogeii^nttjr jMqp
tiye:p) X?pB^p^ofe.thft^Ql^fifl3: at
.rity iflofk tbithpc io^^oaatTNttiAbersb v dfer

POMPEY THE LITTLE. 123

wherever the Carrion is, there will the
Crows be al(b.

The many Adventures that befelthem
on their Journey and at the Bath ; how
terribly our Hero was fatigued with tra-
velling thro' miry Highways, who had
been ufed to ride in Coaches-and-Six •, and
how often he wifhed his blind Tyrant
would^ drop dead with an Apoplexy, Ihall
all be left to the Reader's Imaaination.
Suffice it to fay, that on their return back.
Fortune gave him liis Wiflies. His Ma-
fter fell fick at a publick Inn on-the Road,
and died miferably in a Stable, leaving
Pompey at the Difpofal of Chance.

What future Scenes of Good or Evil,
are next to. open upon him. Fate does not
yet chufe to divulge -, and therefore de-
firing our Reader to fufpcnd his Curiofity
till we have received a proper Commif-
fion for fatisfying it, we here put an End
to this Firft Book of our wonderful Hi-
ftory.

End 0/ tbeFiKst B o o k.

Gz THE

;i

lit ne History of

Blockhead. This introduftory Chaptcfj
"le J^jfs^ i§ the beft Mark of Genius, and
i«?d^^rrterioii of mi Author^s Parts ; f&i
l^y it the mod indifferent Reader may be
enabled to diftinguilh what is true and
genuine in this ^iftff ic kind of Writing,
from what is falte and counterfeit : And
i|&rfup|^es the A/xd^rs jb( tht Spifi^
tjis v(fft± in^ujjfed tji preifif Z^/m and
Greek Mottos to every Paper, from the
fame Confideratiortiof guarding againft the
Purfuit of Scriblers ; bccaufe by this De-
v^pe ^trbe^tyie ^upr^fticat^e.^ suiy Meffi
lo pftihmt ttolfhitfte the $pettatotSy li^itK-
CUE u ndcrft anding at leaft one Sentence iii
the learned l^angwge^. \

In compii«ice thc;refQie with the JEdifl
s£ rhis .xoyal. ft%rtf^W| X>(haU hs%
leave, in the Entrance of this fecond Book
of our Atithor, tb detafri the ft^(ier with

Mt mxMM&»ff Cha{Kef l|p(M N^lri^ \

• fbeSng the moft proper Sutgtdl I can re-
cO}b(^ Mi pr^(ent for fi»ah ^n inittai Sec-

Xm^% wiuch .1 hope wijl teftify »y tx>f
ahy to jthe grm Lawgiver gbQytir BR«n-

jtiifOfiedfj^mi wodi ^hc Re^d^io^ia
K^¥ourabie Opinion of my hiftoric Ai^i-

, liCSb . ■ • • r .

w > ......

.. J ^ . I DC

POM I^£ y^^Jttt Ll'E'S&L E. J 2 7

' ' • - • t ' f . . 1 ■ . • . . . . , J ^ . . J \ . .'

1 BO mt ieooUcfir ; ai^ Wdteori Jbefin
iny^^ esBQqpjdng the g64:at ILofdi Sor
tbejtsn wJao has profe&diy tceatixi this
abfbruie, learned and compnehenfive Sub-
'^&\ whicki&£(MiTethihg.wondo'f^ con--

;soiiof/haT« /b[oaited <li r pcdfeifid^^ miuiy
and Yiu*ious; haieei mfhredtly 'handlqd; it in
iaU £Aaii^titc&)b£ j&Q^occ^ anii> kti^ InnDan
3P5«babiii$yvl«ttik ooiitibiic mfido. fo ta.^

JbaTe..e9r(x.;btern..£ouiiagsoti«v. cAcnigh tz>
-d^laro d^ SdbjoA, tiKij( ^vjcte: Jmidag
:iqicin v jti /Perafi»^ S)i%iiru of Pl^lofbh
rphyv fiodtte (o£iIHiiniqri SHfid huge/ Rd-
pcfdts c^!iLaw ta^ in* aU AgSes t^dkd
^n^cteds ta.the gnatcft BuJi^ upon
Nothing. .^ » .

- Not to recw to.thqfcvicoi&hla Totnes

mf .^Dtiqutlyf 'trhich have tisenvieltyerod

,<jb:>Y'n to us frotBi the poaocful Agos of

ifilonkiSi IDiDlche&y: modfiitn £xan1pies

pcefcnc ^fena&hres in gce^t AinaifdanCe

CO odt Choke. What k contained in diX

the Tr^t^s o{ , Mr. William ;0{bf'-'-rTff

G 4 <^^

r28 m HirreRY #/'

en the Trinity ? Nothing* What is ctm^
tained in the migbtyand vohimtnous Ejpie
Poems olS\XiRi€bard Blackmore^ Knight^
abfolute Nothing. What again can be
Golleded from that univerfal Maze of
Words, caU'd the UnivteiiU^Hiftory of all
«Kat]ons^ Languages^ Guftoms, Manners^
Empires, Governments, Men^ MonflerS)
Land-Fights,. Sea-Fights, and a MillifHr
more of inexhauftible Topics?. What^
I fay, can be oomprehended in the tcr
^bus Pages of that oftentattous Hiftory i
every Reader will be ready' to^ anfwer^
JNTotbing^r The Works* d[* Dmnis^ Defi>
iortesj Lord5i>-/— ry, and the mighty
Mn ^^— ri— », dl treat of the lame inh*
mort^ Subject, however the ii^enious Ai>-
diors^ out of pure Modefty^^^ may have
been contented to let them pa(s under the
fiditious I^ames of Play s^ Sy Hems of Ph»-
Jofophy, mifcellaneous R^edtions, and
Divine Legations.

c Th at NotWng can^ arife out of>No-
thing, exnihilo mljkriy has long reigned
. an tincontrbi^erted^ Maxim of Phiiofo{^y,
and been a firft Prindple of the Schools:
But Novdty, and a modiih Love of Ba-
Fadox carry me to endeavour Its Confii-
tsfiofs. V and this > I. hop& to^ do on xlae gc-
' l'^ ntral.

POMPEY THE LITTLE. 129

lieral Teftimony and verbal Confeffion of
all Mankmd.

For let US' attend* carefully to what
pafles around us, and we fhall find No^
thing to have the greateft Sway in all
human Adtions. Dpes any one aikhis
Friend or a Stranger, What is the News
0t Court' to Diy ?' he receives conftantly
and univerfaUy for anfwer. Nothings Sir^
•-^hat was done Tefierddy in the Houfe?
Nothing at all. Sir. — Attf News in. the
Gity^ or upon Change? Nothing in the
world — /ire our Armies in Mition^ and
han^e they atchieved any thing lately agmnfl
the Enemy? Nothing in nature. Sir, is
the fure and invariable Anfwcr, which
may for ever be expefted to all^Queftions
of this kind. Yet notwithftanding this
univerfal Declaration, if we look abroad,,
and trtift rather to the Informatbri of our
Eyes than our Ears, we fliall really find
agreatdealdone in the World, coafidering
how People have been . employed \ and
that Mankind are by no means^ idle, tho*
chey are always doing Nothing. .

Let us firlt caft our Eyes upon the
Court, where tho' Nothing is faid to be
done,, every thing is in -reality performed.

G 4 T:\>afe

H9 .:: ) f^-ilMJ^?Y:q^;

vilions, Jealoufies, Revolutions^ Mid Re-
revolutions ; Minifters depofed and again
f eftored v Peace and War decreed, con-
tending; Kations reconciled, and the In-
):9ere|^ ^i,Sur4fps ^juft^d* Yet all thi$

v.:fe«-Sti¥ ttic Qpjurt le^ w turn to the
vb^^i^.^^ City, and there alfo admire
Cli^p iiiTBnAt;^ ^rodi^ails o^ Nothing, There
^f %p ^v^ic^.TOFjjr^ Extortion, Back-
iii^i^, Fra^djHyppciFifyv Stock-jobbing,
^^^ every, £v^^ tjhat c^n arife from the
Cif^u^aiipn of ^fk)ncy. Thoufands were
there ruined Yefterday, Thou&nds are
miniog^p*day, and T^ufeads will be
ruM»ed To-mpf ix>w : Yet all this is Na-

, . .«. <y k ... ■ <■ . ■

; j^ci4*Ki tet w take a fccond Sunrcy
f^ ie^ ^^ Wg ih^llf^ littk Pcrfitidams
]hdtHphing 3c^()9)t ^bft tkt iScrverament^
||h4 pr^^^ttog unyiciQualStaries, which
^y kn»W <Q)b^ f«if^1 .WtfluflLfcc Lies
circulating ./fOto tjot^^ : ta.CoffiBC*
houfe, and gathering additional Strength
i« : ?tY^y J^$i9u«c of thtflf riCaiivcyance :
>yg ^yi fte. >tJie ttrbdbnt^Qffirppng <tf

-: { i/ , i; in

POMPEYriiiILi¥¥LE- iir

iftS?^arV cbmpdiirig their- 'SpTfel^lgn to.
talce up 'Atij}i in 6iii^;'5?ear, aftll irtmoft
^f ^fting them from hikfiand^ In another :
Yet airthisis*N6thirtg:;\ '^^ ' /

;^ ' ■ - • • '

Oistcfe'flio^e 'let ;us;d^^^^ oiir "Views to
the Ckmpi arid! tfi^fe^' ag^in adhiire the
Pfoduaibti^^bf ri\te/^/»^^ For though
Nothing Was fiid to fee done during the
late Wm-,^d"the littte Pbliticiahs above-
iisentioned t66k ^ Plefafure tp'talk of tlie
iiiadrtyity of Wr^ jirniies, yet in reali^^
fcVe^y thifig^ y^^s p^foi^med 'that could
reifonably be ^eipefted : fcom them . ^ *Ti s
true, they did not ovef-run the Kingdom
of ^rafjciy befiege its.Capital, and take
its King. Prifoher-, all which I believe
maloy People thought e^y andpraftica-
ble-, but they kept the md^ft numerous
Armies of the moft formidable Monarchy
in Europe at bay, and often contendea
hard >^tth ttieiD icu* tke Vi^ory, in fpite
of the Treachery of i^Uiesv <wid the al-
moft infinite Superioucy tif t^ir Baeo^ics.
^ ^y 4)Q4y ^hife?^.tQ Cfil ibis Npphjnj^*

tie has my full Cohtfetioecaufe^ it .con-
firms the Doftrine I want to cftablim.

i ..

Oi

JLast L t ,

. Lastly, Let us examine what.paj[ffa>
in. piiVaite Life>, and tjiat: will likcwifa
furniih us with the fame Refliefiions. Do.
not Quarrels of all forts arife from Nor
thing ?. Do not matrimonial Jealoufies.
fipjring froo> Nothing.?. What occafions;
Law-fuits^ Diflentions , among Neigh-
bbiirs, improbable Sufpicions,,ni-founded
Conjectures, and the like? What is it
that fillsL the Kr^s of Projectors, exercifes
the Fancy of Poets, employs the Machi?
nauons of Women, and.draws^the Swords
of yQung coxcomb OIEcers in the Army*,
w^ they are ftrutting with the firft Rap-
tures of fudden Elevation ? To all theft
Interrogations we ihay anfwer. Nothing..
^nd not to multiply foitign Examples,
what is it. that I am now writing ? un-
doubtedly the Reader will.efteem it Nor
thing, In^fbort, whatever we fee around
•s,

^kquid apmthomneti wium^, tinw^
ira^ volupias^
.'■ Gaudia<, iSfcurJia.

'AH thefe are the genuine Produftidns of
Kothing.

I WOULD therefore humbly recommend
i| to the Confideration of the two great^^

Semi?

\

POM'PEY THE tJHTLE. Usi

Seminaries of Oxford and CambridgCy whe-
ther their Wifdoms fhal! not think fit to*
make an Alterati6n in that^old erroneous-
Maxim of Ex nibilo nil fit^ and fay ra-
ther,. Ex nihih omnia fiunt % whichi talie
to be more . cdnfiftent^ it h; Truth and the
Reality, of Thing?*

~ f Having thus dilcharged the; Duty im-
. poled upon me, of writing an introdu£lo-
Ty Chapter, 1 hope I am now at liberty
to purfiie the Fortunes of my Hero, with-
out incurring the grievous Imputation .of
Dulnefs, denounced on all thofe, whb/
Ihall difobey the royal Edi£t, iffucd out:
for that Purpofe..

' J ' . >. > •

eis^APi

434 ' W^MrstORY^

)

CH A P. IL.

Fortum grtms fMwrsik^$ our ihro^ Mi
nft^res him ta High-life^ •

XHE blind Be^ar, to whofe Ty-
ranny JFortunc had committed our
s groaned out his Soul j as the Reader
has already feen, in a Stable at a public
Inn. Pmpey^ ftanding by, had the Plea-
fufe ef feting the Tyrant '/alias he de-
fervedj and exulted over him, like Cicero
in the Senate-houfe over the dying Cafar.
An Oftler, who firft difcovered the IVlif-
fortune, ran with Horror in his Counte-
nance to tell his Miftrefs ; but the good
"Woman was not immediately at leifure
to hear his Intelligence, being taken up
in her Civilities to a Coach-and-Six,
which was juft then arrived, and very
bufy in conducing the Ladies to their
Apartments. However, when Dinne/
was over, fhe bethought herlclf of what
had happened, and went into the Stable,
^ 4t(ftnct0d by two of her Chamber-maids,
to furvey the Corpfe, and give Orders
for its Burial. There little Pompey^ for
the firft Time, prefcntcd himfelf to her

View i

POMPEY THE LITTLE. 135

Vie^v btit Sorrow and Ill-ufage bad ft>
impaired hifi Beafuty, and his Ccat tod
was in fuch aDifhabillc of Djrt and Mire,
that he befpake no favourable Opinion inf
his Beholders, We muft not thci-dfore
think Mr$. Wilkins of a cruel Natuir ^'
becaqfe ihe ordered him to be hailged^
for^ in reaKty^ fhe is a very humane and
friendly Woman; but perceiving no
Beauty in the Dog to incline her toCom«^
pafllon, and concluding him to be a
Thief, from the Company he was found
withy it was natural rot her to fhew him
DO Mercy. A Confultation therefore was
held in the Yard, and Sentence of Death
pronounced upon him \ which had been
executed as foon as commanded (for the
Oilier was inftantly preparing a Rope
with great Delist) had not one df the
Chamber-maids interpoled, faying, fife
keUevid bt was afmtet preity Creatun^ if
hi was wajbed^ and ddGred her Miftrefs
to fave hiiXL A Word of this Kind was
enoK^taMra./Sf^7ibdfx, who immediate*^
ly granted him: a Reprieve, and ordered
hini int20 the Kitchen for a Tum^fpit.
But when he had gone thro' the Cere-^
mony of Li^ration, «od was thoroughly
cleaned, every Body was ilnxk with his
beauty, zii^Mc^tWiOum in partieuliir %

>3^ . TheHiSTOKYof

who now changed her Hefoiudons, and, irF-'
ftead of condemning him Co the Drudgeiy
of a Tunirfpic,. made him her Compa*
nion, and taught him tov follow her about
the Houfci He foon grew to be a Fa-
yourite with the. whole Family^ as indeed
be always was .wherever he came ; and
the Chambef-maids ufcd to quarrel with
one another, who fhould take him to
their Beds at Night; He likewife gos
acquainted with Gaptainy the great Houfe^
dog, who, like Cerberus^ terrified the
Regions round-about' with. his Barking/:
yet would he often condefcend to be
pkafed with the Frolicks of little Pompey^
and vouchfafe nqw and then to unbend
his Majefty with a Game of Play.

Atrm he had Uved there ncur a Fout^
night,, a Foftrchaife ftopt one.Day at the
Door^ out of which alighted two Ladies,
juft arrived from the Bath. They ran
diredly to the Fire, declaring they were al*
moft frozen to Death with Cold'; wherer
upon Mrs*^ WiUdns began to thunder for
Wood, and aOVfted in making up an ex^
eellent Fire: After which Ihe be^ed
€he Favour to know what their Ladyihips
would pleafe to have for Dinner. * If
^ you plcafe». Madam,, laid the.Eldeft,

FONTPEY THi tItTLE. IS7'

> rU'look into your Lardciy/ « With
♦* all my Heart;- Nfadam, anfwered the
•'good Landlady, I have Fi(h and Fowlr

• of all Kind, and Rabbets^ and Hares^
♦• and Variety of Butcher's Mea t

> but youf Lady(Hip%s you will be fo
•good to accommodate yourfelf on the
•' Spot— I am readyi to attend your

• Ladylhip' whmever^ y^^^ Ladyfhip^^
•- pleafe»4'

While the Eldeft i;ras gone to exaF-
mme the Lardery, the Youngeft of thefe
Ladies,, having fei^d little Pompiy^ who*
followed his^Miftrefs into'the Room, was
infinitely charmed with its Beauty, and ,
Gareflfed him during, the whole Time of
her Sifter's Abfence. Pifmpey^ in return,
itemed pleafed to be taken notice of by
fo fair a< Lady ) fop tho^ he had long -
been difufed ta the Company of People
of Fafhion, he had not yet forgot how
to behave himfelf with Complaifance and
Good-mannersk He felr a kind of Pride
returning^ whioh all hi» Misfortunes! had
mot been able to exeingutlh,. and b^an tt><
hope the Time was come, which mouhi
reftore him to the Beau-monde. With
thefe Hopes he continued In the Room
all} the Time ^e Ladie$^were at Dinner,..

&owt upon hirtH 9aiih tnwAk WwtmiSi ^
pSnckm CmliKf'

i A.S fooD as. jthie L^^^tlud dined,

fubmencsi is viifuf), ihopjl^ t^JSm^^

and that the Journey had not.d^fftf^
their Appetites. She received very cour-
40W3(Ab6w^:^ ^Lffife-feids.i^iCl,' After
tferhe oth^' (^iivm<fet;iw^ <m.L»i^
T^^piQSi liflje iVt»j^;^fWiatL;l#r^^^
the .Gftiptt. ' :' . Ptia^% Mmm, . 'fili^ ^
*- yqva©^ ofrlthr^liidteSfcii^
*^ yifiWtkad! ite vtryr pvelty rSHjg? ^^ Jito.

'Ac h^; am Qp^iuni^y of (;^(Mng^ ^-
;ing ftrttejii fe Saifl 4 ?vl^<8:, l:^4n,tt)

ridifpMy iher-iEl^i^cwiJjiii tfe$ii.foll<wijfg

j<^ Cfwcrti* fefl iitto my W*i^ bf the
! ♦ lii^faiif ^ il^ecirient In I^ife^ ^aad: 'a^i^ a

(^ hivfifk f0^g#i.. , Lf^iicd^ dk<^ idn my
i«. jStibltt 4bDv(.« FQctftighti 6^, , wd it
i^ feem^k^ tWftlittte: Arttn^ wftd ^ k»d
r* iritti dbottt tJie C witfry. /Tkin^lwi^
,5 jboiw they. «o«nc by Che I^ftinft they

* have

POMPEJYttttcLITTLE. t^^

♦ ttrte fQ0--^But -as 1 ww telBng^ ytw^
f l4diesi, tbe €>Id| blind B^gar waa JQft
^ itturned from Baib, as your Ladylhip s

♦ may be now, and the poor miferable
^ . WreKb per iftwd in my Stable., Ti^rt
< he left: thw Ktpie DQg|,. ;^nd, vfUl you

* }p^m ittJUdifs?^ afl lam aiiw>i i

♦ ordered him IJ> be haogjedt nQi<3oce
^ dfreaming he was imh a Beaiit)r ^ for

* indeed be was tjMije covcued over with

* 'Mii^ »d NaftiBcfs, as to fe^ lore he
f iJould noc be o^hewife,, aftaf leading
f the dd blind; IN^ folpng ^ Jown^ i
<K Aafl • M^idr-fermiM: of n»inQ tiEiDik a

• Fancy jta the lifttW Wretch, and begged
«' fab L^e? and i^foald yoii think if, h^
^' dies?" J apvwiw grown aft ipr\d^f tht
t fittle F©c4j afs if be ym my oym f^h^ii

■ i

Tre^ twch 54ft«s„ icHverted vMi Mxi.

tf^ilkin^s Oration, could nf>t: belp ftoitojg
on one another ; but difguifing their
iwgbtfr ^ 5ivett;a* ftbe^.i^owicfcoVt do

^ noUTi w)[)B^itf * fw4' th^. yowg^ ^ ^^oyr
^ i^oftdnefa f(w?hii»^ JVfed^i^:! he^ A* (ft>
.^-reoit^kabty han^fpispei ^diih^t befbg
* itfceTQafti i ca^'i: fiW it ii n^ fiteaw:
-«. M rob J50U i^ hWi otbo-wife I was juft
.^^oing to aflc if you ihould be willing

'T^o The: History of \

•-to part with him/ * BIcis mei Mav
^ darn, faid the obliging Hoftefs, I anr

* fure there is nothing I would not do tcr

* oblige your Ladyfhip, and if your La*

* dyihip has fuch an Aflfeftion for the

* little Wretch — Not part with him in-

* deed!* » * Nay, Madkm, (kid the Lady

* interrupting her, h would willingly
^ make you any Amends, and if you will
^ pleafe to name your Price, I'll purchafc

* him of you.* •" Alack-a-day^ Madam;

* replied the Landlady, I am forry your
^ Ladyfhip fufpefts me to be ofiuch a
^ mercenary Difpofition ; purchafe him

* indeed ! he is extremely at your Lady*

* Ihip's Service, if you pleafe to accept
*- of him.* — With thefc Words (he took
him up, and delivered him into the La»
dy*s Arms^ who received him with many
Acknowledgments of the Favour done
her 5 all' which Mys. fVlltins repaid with
abundant Intered..

Word was now brought, that the
Chadfe was . ready, and waited at the.
Door V whereupon, the two Ladies were:
obliged to break off their Converlaoo0».
and Mrs. JVilkins to reftrain herElo*
quence. : She attended them, with a MU^
lion. of civil Speeches, to their Equipag^t,

aroMPEYxH? WTT?LE. ^141

:and handing little Pompey to them when
vthey were feafcd. bv.it, ; took her Leave
•with a great Profufion of Smiles and
Curtfies. The Poftilion blew his Horn ;
the Ladies bowed ; and our Hero's Heart
-exulted wkh Tranfport, to thinlc of .the
JUneodmcntof t^ Fgte, ^

r f •

-C H A P.

t : 4 i

<)

V • ' t

. I

14* a?feHisteR-Y^

. , ■ . ■ r

•■ i ' \

C H A p. Hi.

T^E Pofij-cha^ ftopped in a gm-
teel Street in Lonami su^ Panpiy
was introduced into decent Lodgings
where every thing had an Air of Politc-
nefs, yet nothing was expenfive. The
Rooms were hung with Indian Paper;
the Beds were Cbinefe ; and the whole
Furniture feemed to Ihew how elegant
Simplicity can be under the Dire<£Uon of
Tafte. Tea was immediately ordered,
and the two Ladies fat down to refrefli
themfelves after the Fatigue of their Jour-
ney, and began to talk over the Adven-
tures they had met with atl^e Bath.
They remembered many agreeable Inci-
dents, which had happened in that great
Render: vous of Pleafure, and ventured to
•laugh at fome Follies of their Acquaint-
ance, without Severity, or 111- nature.

TThese two Ladies were born of a
good Family, and had received a genteel
Education. Their Father indeed left
them no more than Six Thoufand Pounds
each J but as they united their Fortunes,

and

POMPEYtorLiITTLE. I4J

aod manageid tUeir l^ffair^'V^jji^^f^iig^tf ^
thoy inuib . ; a oyoaitiaMe Ivigwre r in ^ 1 1}^
WorJdv^ 'and JWcd, ii> Jql^fi^ im^

be neceffaryv;forttie,j§^^pf,j^^

to give them Names, and the Reader, if

lie vplpdb^: ni^ eitU'Cheed Tieiid^ii ;&nd

■ TkE*D^syA,i{th9:reid^ (^:j^ll <ft^vant
pog tb^iids Forty^ : ai^ Age whe^ perj-
foi^d Gbjtrms bd^nto fiid<».4nd Wom^eri
gncDf^^ indlffiwei^ift^ kaft,: who ^avie^ppr
dlili^ Wtgf:to;fu|>|lyttlteLl^lHC^ Qf .*h^W/
ButrtTAoiiei^ V«a|5rtergriy^ftflreflfed -^f ..rttf

thafe/ gQdd; C^^JiWft) wh^h f^^ -Wot-

men /xg«c«3>k ,wi[tjH»i5 B^ Slwi.lV*?

ffi^ici i Namrei Iw^jgwyief^ > M. a^ s^pi
(jEeitapsr> ^rid Bd»Jca$k»i ,bad paadci ii; w

Jkfitpi NfitaW, /WiibchWr. ^^Wiflg ¥4» Plrift-

^bktot ^ ; f i wpr^y^j tier ) XJ^ckfift^pcfeig^by
<;cBitcrfeftOfi was 3ftw»ys ' eng(^i«g, ,a«d

often entertwiing. Her long Gommerce
with the World bad fupplied her with t
Fund 6f diverting Remarks on Li&, and
her good Senfe enabled her to deliver
them with -Grace and Propriety.

Aurora, ike ^ouagjA Sifter, waa
in her Four and Twentieth Year, and
imagination cannot poffibly form a finer
Figure than (be was, in every Refpedt.
Her Beauty, now in its higheft Xiuftrei
gave that full Satisfadion co^the Eye,
which younger Charms rarely infpire.
She was tall and full- formed^ 'but with
the iftmbft Elegance and Symmetry in aU
iter liimbs^ and a ootain Maje^Ti which
refulted from her Shape, was^compa-
nied with a moft peculiar Sweetnelsof
F^ace : For tho^ (he had ^1 thr Charms^
the had none of the Inlblence of Beauty;
As if thefe uncommon Ptrfedtons of Na»
ture were not fufficient to procure her Ad^
mirers enough, flie had added to them
the moft wmning AccompUfliments of
Art : She danced andfung, and played
like an Angel ; her V<Mce naturally clear,
full, and melodious, had 'been improved
under the beft liaHan Mafters ; and fhe
was ready to oblige People with her Mu-
ficj on the flightcft Intimation >that it

♦ would;

^

POMPEYthe little. H\i^

Would be agreeable, without any Airs (A'
Shynefs and Unfeafonabk Modefty. ; In-
deed, AfFedlation never entered into any
one of her Geftures, and whatfoever Ihe
did, was with that generous Freedom pf
Manner, which denotes a good Under-
ftsftiding, as well Jts an honeft Heart.
Her Temper was chearful in thehigheft
Degree, and fhe had a moft uncommon
Flow of Spirits and Good-hurpour, whic|i
feldom deferted her in any Place, or
Company: At a Ball fhe 'was extf^mely
joyous and' fpirited, ' and thePlefdurfc ttie
/gave to her Beholders, could only bfe'di^-
ceeded. by that unbounded^ Ha^i^^fs^
with which (he infpired her Partner. Yet
tho* her Genius led her to ,be livelv, and
'a little romantic, whoever converfed :^ith
her 'in private,' admjiiid her good ^en^i
arid* heard Reflexions from her, 'Which
plainly ^fliewed ftie had often exercifecl hA
XJnderttanding on the moff ferious Sub-

jea^. ■ - • ' ^ • f

. , ■ . » • _

'A WoMA>r fo beautiful in her.Perid[|,
^arid excellent in her Acconipfimnii^ftt^
could not fail' of attrafthig LbverVin j^reat
Abundance : and accordingly 'fhie 'had re-
fufed a Variety of OfFers from Pebpld*<if
all Characters, who could fcarcely believe

H > ^^

146 y*^ History $/

ihe was In earneft in reje£ii^ them^ be-
caufe fhe accompanied her Refufals with
unufual Folitenefs and Good- humour.
She did not grow vain, or infolent, from
the Triumphs of her Beauty, nor long to
fpit in a Man's Face, becaufe (he could
not approve his Addreiles (which I be-
lieve is the Cafe with manjf young Ladies)
but fweetened her Denials with great Ci-
vility, and always aiked the Advice of her
'Sifter^ of whom fhe was paflionately fond.
Such Tfas'Jurora^ the prefent Mifb-efs of
our Heroi and as the Charaders of fome
of h^ Admirers may , periiaps, not be un-
entertaining, I wUl give a Defcription of
two or three out of many.

And firft, let us pay our Compliments
to Ceuni Tag J who had riierited a Title
by his Exploits ; which perhaps is nQt
the moil ufual Step to Honour, but al-
ways moft re(pe£);able whenever it hap^
pens. ^Tis true, he had no Patent to
Ihew for his Nobility, which dependd
entirely on the arbitrium popularis aur^^
'the Ficklenefs of popular Applaufe ; but
he fecms likely to enjoy it as long as he
tives, there being no Probability of any
Alteration in his Behaviour. His Father
raifed a Fortune by a Profefliop, and from
-f him

POMPEY THE LITTLE. 147

tarn he inherited a competent Eftate of
about diree hundred Pounds per amtam.
His Education began at JV^mnfier School,
and was finilhed at Oxford ; from whence
he trai^ported himfelf to London^ on the
News of his Father's Death, and made a
bold Pufh, as it is ^lled, to introduos
himfelf into Life. He had a ftrong P^ m^
bition of becomii^ a fiiie Gentleman^ and
cultivating an Acquaintance wjth People
of Faihion, which he efteemed t^9:ti}0ff
confummate Character attam^BIe by Man^
and to that he refolved to dedicate ^
D^s. As hii firft Eflfay diereforev hq
prefented himfelf every Evening m aSide^
box at one of the Plky-houfes, where hi
was ready to enter into Converfation with^
any body that would aflbrd him an Au-
dience, and Was particularly afl[iduou$ in
applying himfelf to young Noblemen aii<l
Men of Fortune, whom he had formeriyi
known at School, or at the Univei^fity;
By d^rees he got footing i» two or thred
Families of Quality, where he was iofisM^
times invited to Dinner ; and having learnt
the falbionable Topics of Difcourfe, he
ftudied to make himfelf agreeable, by en^
tertsuning them with the current News of
the Town. He had the firft Intelfigence
of a Marriage or an Intrigue, knew to a

H a M.oTxvtxix

148 Th HisroKY of

Moment when the Breath went out of ^
Nobleman's Body, and publilhed the
Scandal of a Maiquerade, or a Ridotta,
fooner by half an Hour at lead, than any
pther pubUck Talker in London. He had
a copious Fluency of Language, which
made him embellilh every Subjedt he un-
dertook, and ai certain Art of Talking as
minutely and drcumftantially on the moft
trivial Sut^eds, as on thofe of the highed
Importance. He would defcribe a Straw,
or a Pimple on a Lady's Face, with all
the Figures of Rhetoric ; by which he
perfuaded many People to believe him a
Man of great Parts ; and furely no Man's
Impertinence ever turned to better Ac-
count. As he conftantly attended Bath
and Tunbridge^ and all the public Places,
he got ealier Acceis to the Tables of the
Great, and by degrees infinuatdd himfelf
into all the Parties of the Ladies «, among
whom he began to be received as a con^
fideraUle Geniusi and quickly became ne-
ceflary in all their Drums and Afiemblies.

. Finding bis Schemes thus fucceed al-
moft beybnd hisHopes, he now alTumed
a higher Behaviour, and began to fancy
himfelf a Mail Qf Quality from the Com-
pany he kept. With this View he thought

proper

«- i •

POMPEY THE LITTLE. 14$

proper to forget all his old Acquaintance,
whofe low Geniuffes left them groveling
in Obfcurity, while his fuperior Talents
had raifed him to a Familiarity with Lords
and Ladies. If therefore any old Friend,
prefuming on their former Intimacy, ven-
tured to accoft him in the Park, he mad6
a formal Bow, and begged pardon for
leaving him j but really^ Lady Betty, or
J^ady Mary was juft entering the MalU
In fhort, he always proportioned his Re-
fpeEl to the Rank and Fortunes of his
Company; he woiild defert a Commoner
•for Lord, a Lord for an Earl, an Earl
for aMarquifs, and aMarquifs tor a Duke.
Having thus enrolled himfelf in his own
Imagination among the Nobility, it was
not without Reafon that People gave him
the Style and Title of Count Tagj think-
ing it a Pity that fuch a Genius fhould
be called by the ordinary Name of his
Family.

Th e fecond Cavalier, who made his
Addrefles 'in the fame Place, was an old
Gentleman turned of Seventy, whofc
Chearfulnefs and Vivacity might have
tempted People to forget his Age, if he
had not recalled it to their Remembrance,
by unfeafonable Attempts of Gallantry.

H 3 TMt

150 ^e HiSTORT 0/

The Paffions of Youth are always ridicu-
lous in old Age ; and tho' many fine Wo*
men have facrificed their Charms to fu-
perannuated Hulbands, the Union is To
unnatural, that we mull fuppofc their
Affeftions were fixed on Title or Eftate,
or fomething elfe befides the Perfons (rf
their Lovers. This old Gentleman had
led a Life of conftant Gallantry almoft
from his Cradle, and now could not di*
veft himfelf of the Paffion of Love, tho*
he was dcfertcd by the Abilities of it.
He had already buried three Wives, and
was ambitious of a fourth ; tho* his Con-
ftitution was extremely ftiattered by De-
bauchery and high-living, and it feemed
as if a Fit of Coughing would at any
time have fhook him to Pieces. Befides
this, he kept feveral Miftrefles, and all
the Villages round his Country-feat were
in a manner peopled wkh the Fruits of
his ftolen Embraces, |^

w

At his firfl: Entrance into life, be was
a younger Brother, and married an ugly
old Woman of FortiHie for the fa^e of
her Money, who quickly d^wurted to his
Wilhes, and left him poffcfied of the only
defireable thing belonging to her. Soon
afterwards, his ekler Brother alfo went

the

POMPEt THE LITTLE. 151

the fame Road to Mortality, and left him
Heir of three thoufand Pounds a Year j
which enabled his Genius to display itfelf,
and fupplied him with all the Eflentials
of Pleafure. From this Moment he be-
gan his Career, and being a gay young
Fellow, handlbme in his Perfon, and gen-
teel in his Addrefs, he refdved to indulge
himfelf in every Gi^tification that Money
could purchafe, or Luxury invent He
fet up all Nights in Taverns, where he
was die Wit and Genius of the Compa-
ny ', travelled and intrigued widi Wo*
tnen of all Nations and Languages ; made
a Figure at the Gaming-Tabfes, and was
not fifcnt in Parliament. In fhort, what-
ever Charadter he undertook to appear
in, he fupporeed it alwa^ with a Spirit
and Vivacity peculiar tcj himfelf. His
Heakk^ of couHe received many Shocks
from his diflbldte Ceiirfe of Lflfc, but he
trufted to the Vigour rf a goddConftitu-
tion, and defpifed all the diftant Confer
quences of Pleafure, as the dtiU Appre-
henlions of Cow^ds in Luxury. As to
Marriage, he refolved nevermore to wear
the Fetters x>f that Slaviery, whHeMs Paf-
fions had fo free a Rangq in a way more
agreeaUe lo bis Inclinations : But having
a long while folScited a fine Woman of

H 4 bax

%^2 ^e UlSTOKY of

but flencjcr Fortune to comply with hfe
DefireSy aiid finding her deaf to any but
fipnourable Offers, he was drawn in be-
fore he was aware> and married a fecond
time with no other View than to have the
prefent.Poffeffion of a Miftrels. Yet he
difcharged t;he matrimonial Duties for a
time with tolerable Decency, and con-
triyed to keep his Amours as fecret from
his Wife as poffiblc. But the Eyes of
Jealoufy could not long be deceived 5
and the Moment Ihe began to expoftu*
la.te. with him on his Behayipuc, he grew
more bare-faced in his Pleafures, and
lefs careful to conceal them from her Ob-,
ieryation. The Lady, difappointcd in
her Views of Happinefs, bad Recourfc
to the common Confohtlon of Female
Sorfows, and tried to drown them in
Citron Watef sj y which perpi<;iqHs Guftom
^rew ppon her ipi ipijch by Haibit and In-
dulgence, that Ihe often came down ex-
ceedingly difprdered toDinner, and fome-
times was difqualified from performing
,the Offices of , her Table, Th^ extremely
.piflu^ thq Pn<;je ,pf Jier Hufband^ who
.could not, bear rto .fee the* Miftreis of his
.Family in fuch 4i%raceful Circumftances,
and began to wifli her fiwrly in the other
'World. Enquiring how flie came Aip-
VJJ f w plied

POMPEYthe LITTLE. 153

plied with thefe cordial Draughts of Sor-
row, he found they Were fecretly convey-
ed to her by a Mantua-maker, who at-
tended her three or four times a Week,
pretending to bring Caps and Gowns.
This again piqued his Pride to think Ihe
fliould expofe her Foible to the Knowledge
of her Inferiors, and refolving to fupply
her wilhes at an eafier Rate, he ordered
his Butler to carry up a certain Number
of Bottles every Week into her Drefling-
Room.; The Stratagem' took Effeft j
and the k^od Lady having fi;equent''Rt-
courfe to the fatal Opiate, in a ihor|ititni6
tade adieu to the World and all its Gat^cSv

' . ' • •

He was now again left to theuiye-
ftrdin'ed Indulgence of his'Plea|urdi arid
had Miftfeffes of aH Qiaraflter?,* frbrii.tfe
Wotn^n of Quality dbwh to the P^nfter'j?
Dkughter and Milk-maid. But'gs h^ ad-
vanced in Years, a Fit of Dotage infen-
fibly ftole i|j5on ;him; and in an unlucky
Mpmen^' he iriarHed a vaffti ifoirit^ yPf^'^S
GiH of twcntyi^^ho ieerWea/aom to pu-
ni{h him for his Sin^ FdlPbrheifelf and
'Family, 'fhb tbbk Pifleffioh of hi^ Hbuf^
with . a ' cdrtaln confciou^ Aiithdrity, and
bcgjS^ to ' (hew the We^fure ' ftie /buhd in
'Owei^&ieiit ahd SWay; SHe^ regarded
-^^ - H 5 V«

X54 TbeHjsroKY of

Jier Halband only as an Gb^t& that was
to give her CommaDd of Servants, Equi-
page, and the like ; and her Head was
fflLddf with Notions of domineering and
Power, Her Infolence foon became in-
tolerable to a young Lady in the Family,
Daughter of his former Wife, who could
|)0t endure to be governed by a Mother
of her own Age, and therefore with great
Spirit left her Father's Houfe^ Inihortf
the old Gentleman himfelf began to curie
the Choice he had made, finding himfelf
An a^ manner quite difregarded by his ac*
fcwnolifhed STOufe, whofe Thoughts ran
wholly after Urums, Afiemblies, Operas,
^Maiquerades, Ridottas, and the like ; all
:which Ihe purfued with the moft ardent
Afliduity, and feldom could find one
quarter of an Hour's Leifure to converfe
with her Hufband. He found her be-
jfides, more cold in her Ccxiftitution, and
lefs ienfible of his Embraces, than he
had imagined*, for indeed, ihe was a
Thing purely made up of Vanity, and
|)rovided Ihe tnade a Figure in Lift^ ihe
fared not who efifcyed its PUafuri. The
old Gentleman groanM ieverefy under this
Scourge of his Iniquities, and I oueftion
lifhether he would not have died himfelf
of pure Sfitc» had not his ohligbg Wife

lavcd

POMPEYthb LITTLE. 155

faved him that Neceffity, by k;indly dy*
iflg in his ftead. She caoght cdd one
Night in Vau^^haU Gardens, and after a
fliort lUnefs of a Week or ten Days, re-
tired to the peaceable Maofions of her
Predeceflbrs.

Due would think he Ihould now have
l)een tired of Matrimonial Bfeffings 5 yec
notwithftanding the lU-luck he had hither-
to met with, hotwiriillahding the natural
Decay arifing from his Age, and the ac-
t^irtA {nfirmities of Intemperance, hi
Was once Aiofre engaged in Gourtlhip,
and made one of i!he moft gallant hAvchr-

ten of Afirara.

*■.-■- J -. ... - .

Srb had many other Lovers, but I
ifhall forbear the mention of them at pre^
lettt, to give a Ddbiption of one, who
was every way worthy of her A^eflaons,
and to whom, in re^ty, fhe had devo*
led her Heart. Neither Ccmnt Tag^ nor
the aged Gallant laft idefcribed, had any^
Siare in her Regard 1 for iht? fhe re^
ceived them with Ovility, fhe g^vt them
littie Encoun^ment to fap|^ ^t Sac;
cdst

15$ I ?i&<iHl^XORY */

The^ fortunate Lover was a youn^
Npblcqaii, ' about ber pwrv \ ^^gcy who
condudled himfelf by Rules fo very diffe-
xent from die Generality of the Nobility,
tnat it will be a kind of Juftice to his
Memory to preferve his Charadter. He
Jiad- an. exceUent IJndf i|fta0ding, . im-
proved by conipetent Reading ; and the
moft uncommon XJprightnefs of Hearty
joined with the greatelt Candour and Be^*
nevolepce of Temper. His Soul was
paflionatqly devoted^ f o the t-Qve of
Triaij^,^ and be nev^r fpqkc bridled but
With che clearefl: Sincerity an^ Ingenuity
ot* Mind. Falfhood of any Kind, even in
the common Forms of Intercoiirfe and
Civility, wberei^ Xuftom Jif:ei^es fome

tb^^C; :was ji9t the/lf aft ,4pc^
|\i;j^ perfbrnaing it. jlw* he freiji^cntfy
inixed in Parties. pf i^jverfion, ,ma(ic/Uy
otHer young I^oiblemcn of hi^ Acquain^
iance,oyct ; jie^ i^eyer^ joinrf^^ tji^ ^iotsi

Wapoe

jrnent of Life. He did^^not Ipend
Mornings in Levity, or his Nights at a
j^aravig-table. Nor was he aihamed of

the

POMPEX.THJJ J^ITTLE. 157

the. Religion ^<)f his Country, or deterred
from Sdie Vy;pi;fhip of hU Malcer, ,by .the
idle Sneers of Infidelity,, and the ridicu-
lousXaughter of profane Wits :, but,^ rpn
the contrary, gloried in the Profeffion of
Chriftianity, and always reprimanded the
wanton Sallies of thofe, who tried tp be
witty at the Expence of their Confcience.
Added to thcie excellent Endowments^
he had the greateft filial Obedience to his
Father, the fincereft Loyalty to his Prince,
the trueft Refpeft for his Relations, and
the mod: charitable Liberality to all thofe^
whom Poverty, or Diftrefs of any kind,
recommended as Objedls of Compaffion.
In fliort, whoever has read Lord Claren-
donts celebrated Charafter of Lord Vif-
count Falkland^ cannot be at a Lofs to
form an Idea of this amiable young Noble-
man ; who refembled him exaftly in the
private focial Duties of Life ^ and we
may conclude, he would have afted the
fame Part in publick, had he. been en-
gaged in fimilar Circumftances.

Being infpired with a Paflion for an
ogcftekfete Woman, he was neither afhamed
to own it, nor yet did he ufe the ridicu-
lous Elogiums, with which Coxcombs
talk of their Miftreflcs, whpn their Ima-
ginations

158 J»*HlST01lT •/

ginadons are hated with Wine. He did
not compare her to the VtnMS of MediciSt
or run into any of thofe artificial Raptures,
which are almoft always, counterfeited:
But whenerer he mentioned her Namei
he rpoke the Language of his Heart, and
fpoke of her ahrays with a Manrmefs,
ttiat tcftified the Reality and Sincerity of
hb PaJEon. It was impoflible for a Wo-
man not to return the Affeftions of fo de-
fcnring a Lover : Atrtra was happy to
be the Objeft of his Addreffcs, and met
<hem with becoming Zed.

CHAK

POMPEY' TBI LITTLE. 159

CHAJB. IV.

^be Cbaraifers of the foregmng Cbaptet
exemplified^ Aa inefarabU Mi^^tune
hefals tmr Hero.

TH E two Sifters had Iain longer a*
bed than ufual the Morning after
their Arrival in Town, which was Owing
to the cFatigue of their Journey, They
had but juft finished their Breakfaft by
Twelve o'Clock ; Juror a was then fit*
ting down to her Hafpfichotd, and Tbe^
cdojia reading the Play-bills for the Even-
ing ; when the Door opened, and 'CoufU
^ag was ufliered by i Servant into tiie
Room.

When the firft Ceremonies were a
Htde over, and the Count had exprefled
the prodigious Satisfa^ion he felt in feeing
them returned to Town ; he began to
enquire what kind of Seaibn they had had
at Bath ? < Why really, laid tbeodojla^
^ a very good one upon the whole \ there
< were many agreeable People there, and
^ all of them eafyand fociablei which
* made our Time p^ away chcarfully

i6o ?"*/ History of

* and plealantly enough.' * You amaze

* me, cries "the Count 1 Impoffible, Ma-

* dam! how can it be. Ladies ? I had

* IiCtters from Lord Monkeyman and

* L^y Betty Scornful^ alTuring me, that,

* except yourfelves, there were, not three

* human Creatures in the Place. L.et

* me fee, I hav« Lady Betty'% Letter iq

* my Pocket, I believe, at this Moment—

* Oh no, upon Recolledion, I put it this

* Morning into my Cabinet, where I prcr
' ferve ail my Letters of Quality.*

AuKORA, fmothering a Laugh as well
as Jhe cduld, fald ftie was extremely
obliged to Lord M^nk^man and. Lady
Betty, for vouchfafing to rank her and
her Sifter in the Catalogue of human Be-
ings \ ' But furely, added (he, they muft

* have been afleep both of rfiem, when
» they wrote their Letters, for the Bath

* was extremely full.' • Full ! cries the

* Count, inwirupting her ; Oh, Madam,
» tiiat is very poflible, and yet there

* might be no Company— that, is, none
*,6f,usi No^body. that one kndws— for

* as to all the Tramqhcane's that come by

* ^he'.crpfs poll, we, never ' reckon then^

* as any thing but Mpnfter? in h'umaa
«, Shape, that fcrVe to fill'Up the' Stage

1 of

POMPEYthb LITTLE. i6i

of Life, like Gyphers in a Pl^y. For
Inftance, you often fee an awkward
Girl, who has fewed a Tail to a Gown,
and pinned two Lappets to a Night-
cap, come runnmg headlong into the
Rooms with a wild frofty Face, as if
flie was juft come from feeding Poilltry
in her Father's Chicken-yard — Or you
fee a Booby 'Squire, with a Head re*
fembling a Stone-ball over a Gate-poft.
—Now it would be the moft ridiculous
Thing in Life, to call fuch People
Company. 'Ti$ the Want pf pities,
and not the Want pf JFaces, that n^kes
^ Place empty ;i for if there is. No- body
one knows— if there are none of us in a
Place,' we efteem all the reft as Mob
^ and 'lUbbl-e.' ; .. , *

. y{HiLi. this imagi^^ry IVJan qf Qua?-

Jity^ was thus fettling the Orders ^nd

.Ranks of Life, the Door opened a fecond

Time, and a. Servant introduced the

amorous old Gentleman, whofc Charafter

was drayy n in the foregoing Chapter. The

.Cerenjpniesthatenfued on his Appearanoe

.interrupted the Count's Harangue, and

fortunately gave the Converfation another

Turn, before that pretty Gentleman had

Time

\

of

162 The Hi si OK. r ef

Time to finifh his ingenious Diflert
on polite Company.

Our aged Gallant, putting on ar
ufual Air of Gaiety, and bullling Ini
as if hii Soul intended to walk

his Body, approached the two La
and falutcd them bodi — then fi
down, and addrelTing hitnfelf to jfit
told her, he fliould fiir ever afer?
think the better of the Batb Waters
fending her back with fuch a chari
Bloom in ber Complezion, * Mai

* added he, you out-do your uTual •
< doings: I proteft you look mon

* vlncly than ereri and not amtt

* with eitcelltng all other People, '

* you have taken a Refolutitm at laf

* cwel yourfclf.* * Sir, faid ^1

* laughfa^, chete is no Foffitxlity of 1

* inganyRejriy tofuchextfavagant<

* pliments.-<-But I thoi^ht, Sir, yc

* tended us the Favour of your Com

* at Batb this Scafon.* ■ Yes, Mai
« anfwered he, I did fe, but my d— i

* ignorant Phyficians would buiifh t

* Scarhcrougbt tho' I knew it was m

* lible for me to have my Heahh ii

* Place, at fuch a ptftance from

A-

POMPEY THE LITTLE. i6j

* Ladylhip, I proteft, added he, you

* infpire me with a Youthfulnefs, which

* I have not felt this Half-year in your

* Abfence.'

While this fuperannuated Man of
Gallantry was thus affecting the Raptures
and Fire of Youth, the Door opened a
third Time, and the young Lord appeared,
whoie CharaAer concluded the preceding
Chapter. He approached the Ladies
with a refpedful Bow, and enquired ten-
derly concerning their Health, but ad*
dre&d himfelf rather in a more particu*
lar maimer to Aurora. Her Face imme-
diately changed on his entring the Room,
and a certain Air of affe&ionate Languor
took FdTeinon of her Features, which
before were a little exprefiive ^ Scorn
and Ridicule: in fhort, ihe received him
vidi fomething more than Complaifance,
and a Tone of Voice only calculated to
convey the Sentiments of Love. The
Converfation that-enfued between them
was eafy, natural, and unafFefled \ and
tho' fometimes his Lordfhip's Eyes would
ftray involuntarily to Auroray yet he ftrove
to dired his Difcourfe indifferently to the
two Sifter^, and likewifc to the other
Gentlemen that were prefenl 2 For the

1 64 TheHisTOKV cf~' 1

Delicacy of his FafTion was unwilling b)
reveal icfelf in a mixed Company. S(J
very differeotly did thefe three Lovers ex-
preis their AfFeftion.

Little Pemptywzs Witnefs of many
of thefe Interviews, and began to think
himfelf happily fituated for Life. He
was a great Favourite with jiureray who
careflcd him with the fondeft Tenderncfs,
and permitted him to Deep every Night
-in a Chair by her Bed-fide. When (he
-awoke in a Morning, (he would embrace
■him with an Ardour fuperior to his Dc-
ferts, and which the happieftLover might
have envied : Our Hero's Vanity, per-
haps, made him fancy himfelf tlic genuine
Objeifl of thefe GareiTes, but, in reality,
hewasonly theReprefentativeof a much
nobler Objed. In this manner he lived
with his new MiftrelTes the greateft Part
of a Winter, and might have ftill con-
tinued in the fame happy Situation^ if he
had not ruined himfelf by his own Im-
prudence, and defeated his own Happi-
nefs by an unguarded Aft of Folly.

Aurora had been dancing one Night

at a Ridotta with her beloved Peer, and

retired homft late to her Lodgings, with

' thit

POMPEY THE LITTLE, i6$

that Vivacity in her Looks, and Tranfport
in her Thoughts, which Love and Pleafure
always infpire. Animated with delightful
Prefages of future Happinefs, fhe fat her-
fclf down in a Chair, to recoiled the
Couveriation that had p^ed between
theai^ After this, fhe went to Bed and
abandoned berfelf tothe pyrcft, Slumbers,
She flept longer than ufual the next Morn-
ing, and it feemed as if fome golden
Dream was pidured in her Fancy ; for
her Cheek glowed with unufual Beauty,
and her Voice fpontaneoufly pronounced.
My Lor d^ I am wholly j^«rj.— While her
Imagination wa§ preftnting her with thefe
delicious Ideas, little Pompey^ who heard
the Sound, ^nd thought fhe over-flept
herfelf, leaped eagerly upon the Bed, and
waked her with, his Barking. She darted
a. moft enraged Look at him for interr
rupting her Dream, and could never be
prevailed upon to fee him afterwards ; but
difpofed of him the next Morning to her
Milliner,^ who attended her with a new
Head-drefs. ,

Thus was he again removed to new
Lodgings, aad, condemned to future Ad-
ventures.

i66 iT^^HiiTORY^

CHAP. V*

Relatif^ the Hiftory of a Milliner.

THE fair Princcls of Lace and Rib-
bands, who now took Pofleflion of
our Hero, had gone thro* a great Va-
riety of Fortunes before flie fell into her
prefent Way of Life ; fonic of which
perhaps may be worth relating. She was
originally Daughter of a Country Gentle*
man, who had lived, as it is called, up to
bis Income ; by which means he obtained
the Character of a generous hofpitable
Man in his Neighbourhood, and died
without mdking the lead Provifion for
his Family. His Widow ibon afterwards
nuirried a wealthy Lawyer in a laiige Mar-
ket-town, who like a great Vulture preyM
at large over the Country, and fuSSor^d no
other Attorney to thrive within the Re-
gions of his Plunder. The Gentlemen
round-about made him Court-kceper-g^
neral of their Eftates ; and the poor Peo-
ple flocked to him with a kind of fuper-
ftitious Opinion, that he could model the
Laws according to his Pleafure. The
Mayor and Aldermen too reforted to lum
for Advice in all dubious Cafes^ and he

was

POMPEY THE LITTLE. 1^7

was a. kind of petty Viceroy in the Town
where he liyea. Buccefs had made him
in^folent and over-bearing, and when he
flaunted tliro* the Streets on a Market-
• day in his night-gown, he looked prouder
than a Grandee of Spain.

The young Lady, who was no* to
caU him Father- in-Law,^ was not at all
pleafed with her new Situation^ thinking
herfelf much degraded by her Mother's
Marriage* When therefore the Wives
and Daughters of the Town came to vifit
Jier in their beft Gowns, fhe received them
very coldly, difdained to be prefent at
any of their, public Tea-drinkings, and
always afiedbed to confound their Namesw
She was as little , pleafed with the Com-
pany of her new Father, and excepting
the fmall Time fpent at Meals, u(ed to
lock herfelf up all the reft of the Day in
a little Clofet, to read Ccwley^s Poems,
and the Hiftory of Pamela Andrews.
Gripe the Attorney foon obferved and
refented this Behaviour y and her Mother
too» thinking it a Reflexion on the Choice
(he had made, began to take her roundly
to Talk about it. She told her, flie won-
dered what ihe meant by giving herfelf
£uch Airs, for ihe hadno Fortune to fup*

».«

«

i68 The Hi sroKY of

port them:- * And pray, Madam, faid

* Ihe, wliat is your Birth, thaf you are

* fo proud of, without Money ?* To
this the young Lady anfwered, * that if

* fome- People could demean thcmfelves,

* fhe faw no Reafon why other People
^ ihoi]ld be obliged to do the fame ; and
•^'for her part, me found no Charms in

* the Company of TradefmeU andftink-

* ing Shop- keepers.* Many Altercations
of this kind happened between them, till
at length her Mother fairly told her, that
if fhe difliked her prefent Condition, fhe
might e'en feek for a better wherever fhe
could. It was not long before fhe fol-
lowed this Advice, and married a young
Officer, who was quartered in the Town,
without confulting any body's Inclination!
feut her own. ' This was ^ fair Preten(
for her Parents to get rid of her ; th(
complained loudly of her Difobedience
not alking their Advice, reprefented hj
as a bold forward HufTy, and renoun(
all Correfpondence with her for th&
ture. The young Officer fwaggered|
little at firft, talked much of his Honi
and tlireatned to c^ane her Father-in-Lj
but finding the Attorney defpife his
Tiaces, he prudently fufJtred his Angc
cool, and proceeded no farther thariW(

■J i

POMPEY THE LITTLE. 169

The Regiment, to which this Gen*
tleman belonged, was foon afterwards or-^
dered into Flanders ; and as the young
Couple was then in tlie Honey- moon trf"
their Love, the Bride prevailed to make
a Campaign with her Hufband. He con-
fcnted, and fixed iier in lodgings at\fir«/^
fels ; near to which City the Army was
at that Time quartered. There fhe had
Leifure to obferve the Lace Mannfafture,
and leafnt the firft Rudiments of Milli^
nery, which afterwards became her Pro*
feffion. In a little Time the News of a
Battle arrived, and with it a Pie?6 of
News more terrible to the Ears of a young
Bride, that her Hufband was among the
Number of the flain. This broke all het
Meafures and Hopes of Life, and (he
was obliged to return into England^ with
icarce Money enough to pay for her
Voyage, or maintain her on the Road.
On her Arrival (he began to confider,
whether (he fhould not proceed to her
Mother, and endeavour to obtain a Re-
conciliation ; but Pride foon banifhed that
Thought ; her high Spirit would not fuf-
fer her to fue for Pardon, and fhe re*
folved, ats a better Expedient, to go to
Service. Accordingly, fhe procured her-
fclf the Office of a Wailing-Gentlewo-

I tCi^Xi^

170 neHiSToitvrf

man, in an agreeable Family, but un-
luckily there was no Table for upper Ser«
vantSy and her Pride could not endure to
fit down to Dinner with Menials. Pre*
ferably to this (he would dine upon a Plate
t>f cold ViAuals Jn her Bed-chamber ;
thus gratifying her Vanity at the Expence
of ha: Appetite.

From this Place ihe removed to ano-
ther more agreeable to her Wifhes^ where
there was a feparate Apartment for the
higher Servants, and her own Domi-
hion was pretty confiderable. In this
Family all was Pleafure. The Lady of
it having a Hufband fhe delpifed, filled
his Houfe with eternal Pardes of Com*
pany, ftudied to be eicpenfive, and feem«
cd refolved to fee the End of hb Eftate
before fhe died, without r^arding what
became of her Children after her Death*
^he Hufband himfelf was almoft an Idioti
and could hardly be faid to live, for he
. ipent his Days chiefly in dozing, and con-
llantly fell jjfleep in his Chair after Din*
Der. His Wife treated him always with
the higheft Superiority, would ibnietimes
Ipit in his Face, fomedmes fling his Wig
into the Fire, and newr ftrupled callii^
him Fool and Bldck-head i>efbre all Com^
panies.

itiltM

POMPEY THE LITTLE, iji

panics. This would now and then pro^
iroke him to nnitter a furly Oath or two»
but he had Dot Spirit or Courage to f e-
fent it in a proper manner. For her Part^
ike gave herfeif up to all the Luxuries of
Life^ and her Houfe was a general Ren-
dezvous of Pleafure^ white her flumbring
Spoufe was confidered both by herfdf and'
^rvants as nothing better than a Cypher.

Our Nfilliner having Hvcd a few Years
in this Family, in which Time ihe faved
fotne Money, refolved now to execute ft
ProjeA fhe had long been forming. She
iiad always been a great Reader of Plays^
Novels, Romances, and the like ; and
when flie few Tragedy-Queens fweeping
the Stage with their Trains at the Play-
•houie, her Imagination would be fired
with Envy at the Sight : She longed to
fit in a flowered Elbow^hair, furrounded
'With Guards and Attendants ; and was
quite wild to give herfeif Airs of High*
life in the fupenor Parts of a Gomedyr
With thefe Hopes Ihe (^ered herfeif to
the Stage, and was received by the Ma*
Dagers of Drmy-Lane^ But her Genius
did not make fo quick a Progreis as fhe
imagined ; her Amtndon every Day was
mortified wi(^ Refu&Ia j and i^* flie de-

1 2 ' ' ^t^

IjT^ TZ'^ H r s t o r y <?/

fij-ed only to play the Part of Lady
Xownly^ as a Specimen at n/ft, the igno-
rant Managers could not be brought to
comply with 'her SoUicitations. In (hort,
flie trodethe Stage near two Years without
once wearing a Crown, or wielding a Seep*
ter s The Parts allotted her were always
of the moib triSing kind, and flie had
litde elfe to do, than to appear on the
Stage as a Mute, to make up the Retinue
of a Princefe, or iympathize in Silencp
with the Sorrows of a dying Heroine, by
applying a white Handkerchief to her
Eyes.

: But tho' (he could not make a For-
tune by her Genius, her Beauty was more
luccefsful, and (he had the Luck to make
a Conquelt of one of thofe pretty Gen-
tlemen, who appear in laced Frocks be-
hind the Scenesj pr more properly on the
middle of the Stage/ Hq attended her
in the Green- Room every Evening, and
a; laft made hjer t^ie Offer of a Settlement,
if (he could be contented to facrifice her
Anibition to; Love. - Sh^ .wa.s ^ firft a
little unwilling to leave the Theatre, where
(he foresaw fych-^'dyantages:, from her
Qenius ; but , thinking her r-HV^erit not
^^Pi^Jgli^. r^g^rded, raad^efpsyiijing: o bel-

rcr

POMPEY THE LITTLE. 17^

ter Treatment (for fhe had not yet been
permitted to play Lady Townly) Ihe re-
figned herfelf to the Propofals of her
Gallant, and fet out with him immediately
for the Country. There they lived in So-
litude and Retirement for a; Year, and
probably might have done longer, had
not Death fpitefully interrupted their
Amour, and Ihatched away the fond
Keeper from the Arms of his theatricai
Miftrefs, In his Will fhe found herfelf
rewarded for her Conftancy with a Lega-
cy of feventy Pounds per jinnum ; with
which fhe returned to London, and fet up
a MiUiner's Shop. She had a good Fan-
cy at new Fafhions, and fbon recon>
mended herfelf to the Notice of People
of Quality ; by which means in time flic
became a Milliner of Vogue, and had the
Art to raife a confiderable Fortune from
Lace and Ribbands. The beft Part of
her Houfe flie let out for Lodgings, re-
ierving to herfelf only a Shop, a Kitchen,
and a little Parlour, which at Night ferved
for a Bed-chamber.

Such was P^w^^s prefent Miftrefi^

tvho now lived in great Eafe and Com*

fort, after a Life of much Vexation and

Difappointmcnt^ - >

I 5 C\S.KV.

« ra

{174 ne H I s^T e jt Y fif

CHAP. VI.

Jnotber Cbapur cf Cbaraffers.

ON the firft Floor of tbb Houft
there lodged a Family^, whole Cha^
radlers^ tho* pretty common in Life^ I
do not recoUea to have found in any of
the Novels or Romances,, with which our
Age abounds.

The Head of it. Sir Thomas Frippnj^

had formerly enjoyed a Iktle Poft ia

Queen Annt^% Court, which cntkulcd

him to a Knighthood in Confequence of

his Office, tho' the Salary of it was in-

confiderable, and his own Family-Eftatf

very fmall. At the Death ©f the Queej

he loft his Employment,, and was oblig<

to retire into the Country 5 where

gave himfelf the Airs of a Minifter

JState, and amufed his Country- Neij

lx>urs with fuch Stories of Courts and

trigues t£ Government^^ that he

efteemed an Oracle of Politicks,.

inany of them were weak enough tof

lieve from his Diicourfe, that he had

ftituted a kind of Triumvirate with

Oxford and Lord B. in the Manag(

POMPEY THE LITTLE. 175

of public Affairs. The fame ridiculous
Vanity purfucd him thro* every Article
of his Life, and tho*^ his Eftace was
known hardly to amount to Three huii-
dre4 Pounds a Year, he laboured to pcr-
fbadc People, that it exceeded as many
Thoufands. For this Purpofe, what-
ever he was obliged to do out of Fruga*
lity, he was fure to put off with a Pre-
tence of Tafte 5 and always ihaikM hi^
CEconomy under Ibme pretended Reafon
very remote from the Truth • For In-
ftance, when he laid down his Coach, he
boafted every where how much better it
was to hire Job-horfes, as Qccalion re-
quired, than to run the Hazard of Acci-
dents by keeping them — that Coach-
men were fuch villainous Rafcals^ it was
impoffible to put any Confidence in them
—that going into dirty Stables to over-
look their Management, and treading up
to one*s Knees in Horfe-dung was ex-
tremely difagreeabje to People of FaQiion
—and therefore for his Part, he had laid
down his Coach, to avoid the Trouble
and Anxiety of keeping Horfes,

«

Whew his Country Neighbours dined
with him„ whofe Ignorance he thought
he could impofe on, he would give thend

I 4 AUkt-

^

DuRiNc the Time ofjiis Continuance
m London^ Sir Thomas every Morning at-
tended the Levees of Minifters, to beg
ihe Rcftitution of .his old Place, or an
Appointment to a new one ;, which jie,
iaid he would receive with the humbl(^
Acknowledgments, and diicharge in an;
manner they fliould pleafe to prefcribe^
Yet whether it was that his Majefty^
Minifters were infenfible of his Meritj
cr could find no Place fuitabie to hi

Abilitki

176 The Hi^TO^Y ff "^

Alder- Wine, and fwcar it was Hermitagf ,
called a Gammon of Bacon a Bayonnt
Ham, and the commoneft home-made
Cheefe he put off for the bed Parmafan
that ever came into England^ which he
Aid had been fent him by a young No-
bleman of his Acquaintance then on hia
Travels..

About once in three Years he brought
his Wife and Family to Town, which
ferved for Matter of Converfation to them

- •

during the two intermediate Years, that
were fpent in the Country ; and the3f
looked forward to the Annus mirabilis or
Winter of Pleafure, with as much Rap-
ture and Expedation, as fome Chriftians
do ta their MUlennium^

J

POMPEY TH£ LITTLE. 177

Abilities, the unhappy Knight profited
little by his Court- Attendance, and might
as well have faved himfelf the Expencc
of a triennial Journey to London^.

BiTTrcho'c thefe Expeditions did not
encreafe his Fortune, they added much
to his Vanity, and he returned into the
Country new- laden with Stories to amufe
his Country-Neighbours. He talked with
the greateft Familiarity of bis old Friend
my good Lor d-'-f^ and xelated Convcrfations
that paffed at the Duke of — — *s Table,
with as much Circumftance and Particu-
Jarity as if he had beea pFefent at them*.

The laft Article of Vanity we Ihall
mention, were his Cloaths, which gives
the finifliing Stroke to his Charadler :
For he chofe rather to wear the Rags of
old Finery, which had been made up in
.the Reign of Queen Anne^ than to fub-
mit to plain Cloaths of a modern Make
and Fafhion. He fancied the poor People
in*his Neighbourhood were to be awed
with the Sight of tarniflied Lace, and
whereyer he went, the. Gold-Fringe fell
from his Perfbh fo plentifblly, that you
might at any Time trace lus Foot^^eps

I 5 1^

17$ the Hist aiBLT of

by the Relicks of Finery he left behind
him.

Lady Frippery^ his aceomplilhed
Spou(e, did not fall (hort of her Hu£band
in any of the& Perfedions,, but rather
improved them with ibme new Graces of
her own ^ for having been ibmething of
a Beauty in her Youth, fhe now retained
all thefcomful Airs and languiihiog Dif-
dain^ which ihe had formerly pra&iied
CO her dying Lovers.

T H s Y had one only Daughter^ who
having been educated all her Life at
Home under her Parents,, was. now be*
come a Mafter-piece of Folly,. Vanity
and Impeltinence. She had hot one
• Gefture 6i Motion that was natural ^ her
Mouth never opened without Ibme ridi-
culous Grimace t her Voice had learnt
a Tone and Accent foreign to itfelf ; bet
Eyes fquinted with endeavouring to lode |
aUurij^» and all flir Limbs were diflon- 1
ed with ASed3ition. Her Con^er&doa |
tamed always upon Poliieaefi^ and toe
laocied herfelf fy very beautifis]^ writ
hnd, genttel and enga^ng, thac it w»
ifnpaffible fibr aMaa to kok: nfon JtfT
ittthout Admiration*

POMPEr TH» LITTLE, tf^

I T happened now to be the iMdoih^
Winter with this amiable Family, and
they were crowded kito fcanty Lodgings
€n a firft Floor, confiding only of a
Dining-room, a Bed-chainber, and a
Clofet I for they could not afford to take
any other Part of the Houfe to enlarge
their Apartments. The Dining-room was
fet apart for the Reception of Company ;
Sir Thomas and my Lady took Poflellion
of the Bed-chamber ^ and Mifs flept in a
little Tent-bed^ occafionally ftuSt into the
Clofet.

•

O N the ftcond Floor> over the Head
of Sir Thomas and his Family, lodged a
young Gentleman, who likewife fhali
make his Appearance in this.Hiftory, as
he afterwards married the young lady
laft defcribed«.

This young Gentleman, ulually called
Jack Cfc^f^ among His Intimates, pofleffed
an Eftate of Fifteen hundred Pounds a
Year i which was juft fufficient to fumifh
liim with a Variety of Riding-frocksr,
Kevenbulhr Hats, Jockey-boots^ and
Coach-whips. His great Ambition was
to be deemed a Jemfffy Fallow $ which

J]^^ Hist OR t of ^

Term perhaps fome of my Readers may
not underftand j and therefore we mufl:
explain it by Circiimftances. He always
appeared la the Morning in a Newmarkets
Frock^ decorated with a great Number oi
xed, green or blue Capes ^ he wore a fhorc
Bob Wig) neat Buckflcin Breeches^ white
Silk Stockings^ and carried a Cane-
Switch in his Hand. He kept a. high
J'haeton Chaife^ and four Bay Cattle ; a
Stable of Hunters, and a Pack of Hounds
in the Country.. The Reputation pf
driving a Set of Horfes with Skill, he
cfteemed the greateft Charafter in human
Life, and thought himfelf feated on the
very Pinnacle of Glory, when he was
.mounted on a Coach* box.at a Horfe-race..
He . w^s one of the mpft aftivc Spirits at
Newtnarketj and always boafted as a
moQ: finguiar Accomplifliment, that be
iid not ride above eight Ston{ and a Half.
Tho' he was a litde Man, and not very
healthy in his Conftitution^ he defired to
be thought capable of going through
any Fatigue,, and was continually laying
Wagers of the Journeys he could per-
form in a Day. He had Itkewile aa Am^
bition to be thought a Man of confum-
Qiate Debauch, and endeavoured to perr
fwade yog, th^t he never went to Bc^
. ' ' without

POMPEY THE LITTLE. i»t

without firft drinking Half a dozen Botdes
of Claret, laying with as many Whores,
and knocking down as many Watchmen,
In th^ Mornings he attended Mr. Brougb^^
tortus Amphitheatre, and in the Evenings,
if he was drunk in Time (which indeed
he feldom failed to be) he came behind
the Scenes of the Play-houfe in the mid-
dle of the third Aft, and there heroicalij
expofed himfelf to the Hiffes of the Gal-
lery. Whenever he met you, he con-
flantly began with defcribing his laft
Night*^s Debauch, or related the Arrival
of a new Wh — re upon the Town, or
entertained you with the Exploits of his
Bay Cattle v and if you declined con*
verfing with him on thefe illuftrious Sub-
jeds, he fwore you was a Fellow of na
Soul or Genius, and for ever afterwards
fhunned your Company,

By living in the fame Houfe this Jemmy
young Gentkman had got acquainted with
;Sir Thomases Family, and leemed to be
commencing a CourtQiip with the Daugh-f
ter \^ which her Parents encouraged from
a Knowledge of his Eftate. Sir Tbomaj
indeed could have wiflied for a Son-in«-
Law more after his own Heart, having
00 great Idea of Horfemanlhip and the

(

i82 SrJfe History of

Kcrots of Newmarket i but on the other
hand» he thought it imprudent (o let his
Daughter flip ib advantageous a Matcb^
and therefore ftudied to promote it by all
the Stratagems, which rarents think it
lawful to pradlife in the Difpofal of their
Daughters ; for it muft be confefled„ this
fage Knight had a very laudable Regard
for Mr. Chace\ Eftate.

CHAP,

POMPEY TBI LITTLE. i8j

CHAP. VII.

A fad Difapr befaUs 5lfr Thomas Frip-
pery in the Nigbt^ and a worfe in tbt
Dtfjr. •

•

AN D now that wc hart drawn the
Charafters of fo many People, let
us look a Itttte into their A(5):ions ; for
Charafters alone afibrd a very barren En-
tertaittment to the Reader.

Oifft Hero was grown a great Favou-
rite with the Milliner, who prefented him
with a laced RufF^ made ia the neweft
Fafhion, worn by Women of Quality^
and fufFered him to play about the Shop»
where he was taken Notice of by all the
Ladies, who came to traffic in Fans and
Lace, and was often ftroked by the fairefl:
HarKls in London. In requital for theie
Favours, he one Night preferved the
Honour of his Miftrels from the Attacks
of a defperate Raviflier, who came with
a Defign c^ invading her Bed.

The ancient ICni^, defirribed in the
hft Qiapftr^ had,^ m hk Toutb> been a

Ma»

184 7*^^ History of-

Man of fomc Amour, and ftill retained 2
certain liquorifh Inclination, tho' he was
narrowly watched by the Jealouly of his
Wife. From the Time of his Jaft Arri-
val in Town, he had caft the langui(hing
Eyes of AfFcdion on the fair Milliner
with whom he lodged, and had been pro-
jefting many Stratagems to accomplifh
his Defires. He ufed frequently to call
in at the Shop, whenever he. found the
Coaft clear, under Pretence of buying
little Prefents for his Wife or Daughter,
and there indulged himfclf in certain
amorous Freedoms, fuch as Kifles, and
the like^ which would provobe her to cry
out, Pray Sir — I>on\y Sir Thpipas— i
vow ril call outy if you offer to be rude.
Inflamed with thefe little Preliminaries,
he once attempted a bolder Deed 5 and*
tho* fhe repulfed him with great Difdain,
ftill he nouriihed Hopes of Succefs, and
watched for a fair Opportunity of; making
a fecond Attempt,

Onb Midnight, therefore, when his
Wife was faft aflccp, he ftole gently out
of her Bed, and with great Softnefe pro-
ceeded down Stairs, to find his Way to
that of hen Rival. . But when he came to
^ihe Door, unfortunately it' was locked^

and

POMPEY THE LITTLE, 185

and the Noife he made againft it awakened
little Pompey^ who lay watchful by his
Miftrefs's Bed fide. Inftantly the Dog
took the Alarm, and fell to barking with
fo much Vehemence, that he roufed his
MiftreiSy who ftartedy and cried out.
Who is there ? To this a gentle whifper*
ing Voice replied, One^^Pray let me m.
The Milliner, now no longer doubting
but that her Houfe was broke open by
Thieves, rang her Bell with all Jier Might,
to fummon People to her Afliftance, and
Pompey feconded her with fujch outrageous
Fits of Barking, that the amorqus Knight
thought it high Time to fhcer off to his
own Bed, As he was groping his Way
up Stairs in the Dark, he raa againft
Jack Cbace^ who having heard the Noife,
was defcending intrepidly in his Shirt, to
find out the Caufe of it. They were both
exceedingly alarrn*d, and as Sir Thomas
had fome Reafons for not fpcaking, Jack
was obliged to begin the Conference,
which he did in the following Words,
What the Devil have we got here ? Sir
Thomas now finding himfelf under a Ne-
ceflity of replying, to prevent any farther
Difcoveries, anfwered with a gentle Voice,
Hujhy hujh Sir I — I have only been walkf
ing in ny Sleeps thafs all^Toull alarn^

tht

I

i86 ne History of

the Family J Mr. Chace ! Hujhy for Gotf
Sake J and let me return to my Bed again.
This brought them to an Eclairciflcmenty
and Sir Thomas repeating a Dedre of re-
turning to Bed with as little Noife as pof-
iible. Jack Cbaco lent him his Hand,
and they were almofl: arrived at the
Chamber-door^ when the Maid, who bad
rifen at the Sound of her Miftrefs's Bell,
and with her Tinder-box ftruck a Light,
met the noble Pair in their Shirts, on the
Top of the Stair*cafe. She immediately
fcreamed out, dropped her Candle, and
ran back to her Garret with the utmoft
Precipitation. Mifs Frippery^ who had
long ago heard the Noife, and lay trem-
bling in her little Bed, expefting every
Moment fome Houfc-breaker to appear
and cut her Throat, now began to be re-
vived a little at the Sound of her Father's
Voice^ whom ftie heard talking with Mr.
Cbace^ and took Courage to call out from
her Cabin, HeavenSy Papa! fTJbat is the
Mattery Papa t By this Time, the wor-
thy Knight was arrived at his Bed-fide^
and finding his Wife afleep, blefled his
Stars for being (b favourable to Iiim *, and
then putting his Head into the Clofet
where his E^ughter lay, defired her not
. to wake her Mother with any Noifr, ad-

' ' ding»

POMPEY TOT LITTLE. 1J7

^ng, I have only been walking in my Sle£p9
my Dear ! tbat*s all v and Mr. Chace has
keen fo kind t$ eonduSi me back again to my
Bed. So fayingj, he dcpofited himfclf
QKC mote by xkt Side of his flecpiog
Spoufe^ yfboft gent k Skiinbers nocallthe
N(Hfe in theHoufe had been abte tQ

*Tis weUobftrvcd, that MisfbrtuMS
never come finglc, and what happ^ed to
Sir ^btmas Frippery will confirm this an-
cient Maxim ; for the Difgrace he fuSered
m the Ki^ty was followed l^ a more
diiaftrous Accident the en&ing Day.

Out of Compliment to Jack Chace^
who was then laying clofe Siege to his
Daughter, our Knight had confented to
make a Party to Ruckolt-boufe^ which was
at that Time the fafhionable ^efort of alt
idle People, who thought it worth while
to travel ten Miles for a Breakfaft. Sir
Thomas^ and his Lady, went in a hired
Chariot, and the Lovers Ihone forth in a
mod exalted Phaeton^ which looked down
«with Scorn on all inferior Equipages, and
feemed like the triumphal Carr of Folly»
But alas! the £x|>editioii fet out under
Ibe Influence q£ feme evit.Sf«r, and For^

r88 ^he History of

tune Teemed to take a Pleafureih perfr
cuting them with Miichances all the Day
long. Sir Thomas had not long been
landed at RuckoUy before he found him-
felf afflifbed on a fudden with a mod vio^
lent Fit of the Cholic 5 and the Agitation
of his Bowels fo diftorted the Features cf
his Face, that his Companions begaa
to think him angry with them, and
begged Pardon if they had offended him.

* Zounds, cried he, I have got the Cholic

* to fuch a Degree^ that I am ready to

* die; and 'tis fo long fince I have been

* at any of thefe youthful Places of Gaiety,

* that I know not whea to go for Relief.*
Jack Chace could not help laughing at the
Diftrefles of his future Father-in-law, -but
condufted him, however, to one of the
Temples of the Goddefs Cloacina^ whofc
Altars are more conftantly and univerlally
attended, than thofe of any other Deity.
Here he was entring with great Rapidity,
when, to his Surprize, he found two Fe-
male Votaries already in PoflTeffion of the
Temple \ and 'tis an inviolable L^w in
the Alcoran of this Goddds, as it was
formerly in the Ceremomes of the B^na
JDeay that the two Sexes Ihall never com-
municate in Worlhip at the faiinc Timc^
This put our Knight into the ftrangcft

' . Coa-

POMPEY THE LITTLE. 189

Gonfufion, and he was obliged to- retire,
muttering to himfelf, thai Women were
always in the way. The Confequences of
this Difappointment I forbear to rncntiQn ;
only I cannot help lamenting, that Statef-.
men fliould be as fiibjeft to the Gripes as
inferior Mortals ; for I make no doubt,
but the greatcft Politicians have been
ibmetimes invaded with this Difeafe in
the moft critical Junftures, and the Bu-
fmefs of the Nation fufpended, *till a
Minifter could return from his Clofe-
ftool.

A s the Party was returning home.
Jack Chacej defirous of (hewing his
Coachraanfliip to the young Lady, whirled
fo rapidly round the Corner of a Street,
that he overturned the Chaife, and it was
next to a Miracle that they efcaped with
their Lives. But luckily the future Bride
received no other Damage, than fpoiling
her beft Silk Night-gown (which I men-
tion as a Warning to all young Ladies,
how they truft themfelves with Gentle-
men in high Chaifes) and little Pompey^
who was in her Lap, came with great
Dexterity upon his Feet. The Driver
himfelf indeed lofl his Ear, which was
lorn oflF by the Wheel, in his Fall ; but

this

i^o The Hi-STORY of

this be efteemed a Wound of Honour,
and boall^d of it as much as difabled Sol*'
diers do of the Lois of their Legs and
Arnis* As for Sir Thomas j he endrdy
difclaimed Ruckolt for the remaining Part
of his Life, which he fwore aboun(kd
with Perils and Dangers, wad declared
with much Importance, that there was
no fuch Place in being, when he and Lord
Oxford were at the Helm of Affairs.

CHAR

\

i

.^rttM

POMPEY THE LITTLE. 191

CHAP. VIII.

A Defcription of a Drum..

BU T I faaftcn to defcribe an Event,
which cngrofled the Attention of
this accompliflied Family for a Fortnight,
and was Matter of Converfation to them
for a Year afterwards. Lady Frippery^
in Imitation of other Ladies of her Rank
and Quality, was ambitious of having a
Drum ; tho* the Smalnefs of her Lodg-
ings might well have excufed her from
attempting that modifli Piece of Vanity*

A DRtJM is at prefent the higheil:
Objedt of Female Vain-glory 5 the End
whereof is to aflemble as large a Mob of
Quality as can pofilbly be contained in
one Houfe ; and great are the Honours
paid to that Lady, who can boafl; of the
largeft Crowd. For this Purpofe, a Wo*
man of fuperior Rank calculates how
many People all the Rooms in her Houfe
laid open can poflibly hold^ and then fends
about t^o Months beforehand amow the
Teople one knows^ tobefpeak fuch a Num-
ber as ihe thinks will fill them. Henc6
great Emulations ariie among them^ and

the

.1

fji 7**^ History of

the Candidates for this Honour fue as
eagerly for Vifiters, as Candidates for
Parliament do for Votes at an Eleftion :
For as It fometimes happens" that two
Ladies pitch upon the fame Evening for
raifing a Riot, 'ps neceflary they fhould
beat up in time for Voluntiers ; other wife
they may chance to be defrauded of their
Numbers, and one of them lie under tlic
Ignominy of coilefting a Mob of a hun-
dred only, while the other has the Honour
of affembling a well-dreft Rabble of three
or four hundred ; which of courfe breaks
tlie Heart of that unfortunate Lady,* who
comes oflf with this immortal Difgrace.

N o w as the Aftions of People of Quar
lity are fure of being cop iecl, hence it
comes to pafs that Ladies of inferior Rank,
refolving to be in the Faffiion, take upon
them likewife to hare Drums in Imitation
of their Superiors: Only there is this
Difference between the two Orders, that '
the Higher call nothing but a Crjov>d a
Vrum^ whereas the Lower often give that
Name to the commoncft Parties^; and for
the fake of Honour call an ordinary Vifit
an Afl^mbly,

POMlfEY THE LITTLE, idj

T}i I s was the Cafe with Lady Frippery%
her Acqjj^tance in Town was very fmall,
and it fccrhed improbable that (he could
afiembte above a dozen People at raoft^
without making any AHowance for Cold?,
Head^achs, Vapors, hyfteric Fits, Fevers
upph the Spirits, and other Female Indif-
t<)ritiohs ; yet ftill fhe relbived to have i
utiitki and the young Lady feconded
hdr Mamma's Inclinations fo vehemently,

that Sir Thomas "^2^^ obliged to comply.

»

^ From the Moment this 'great F^vent
i^ras . re(&! ved on, all their Con verfations
turded upion it,< and it was ^leafant te/
hear the Schemes and Contrivance^ they|
had about it. Their firft and principal
Care was to fecure Lady Bab Frightful^
the chief of Lady Frippery^ Acqua^in-
tance; knd whofe Name was to give a
Luftf-etothc Affembly. Now Lady 5^*^
bfeing one of the Quality, it 'was pofliblc(
Ihe might have a previous Engagement^'
unlefi (he was taken in time ; and there-
for6 a Card wasdilpatched to her in the firlt
Place, to befpeakher^ for fuch an l^yen-*
ing ; and it was refolved, that if ahy trofs
Accident prevented her coming, new'
Meafures fliould be taken, and the Drum
be deferred till another Night- Lady'

K Bab

^

194 The History pf

% fill* -returned for Aniwcr, tbalJhe,wuU
wait cn Lddy Frippery, if ber H^alibfer-
mitieJ, This dubious kind, of MeiTage
puzzled them in the llrarigciit ti^nneri^
and was worfe thin a Denial ; for withn
out Lady Bai it was impoflible to pro-
ceed, without Lady: £jA the. Affembl^^
would qnake no lugur^, . and y^.tliey
were obliged to run the. Hazard ot^ htt
not coming in Conlequence of her An-*
fwer. Every Day therefore, they fqit to
enquire after her Health, and their Hopes
rofe or felLaccordijig, to -the Word that
wa3 brought them ; till on the Day before
the Drum was to be held, a nooft calami^
Cous Piece of N^ws arrived, ibal Laif
Bab was difahUd by her Surgeon^ who in
cutting her Toe-nail had made an Inci-
fion in l^er Flefh 5 yet ftiU fbe prpqaifed.
to be with them, ifiimffsp^tbUfor ber
fp bobbk Jbroad. ' Tis itnpaffibic tq de-
fcfibe the I^amp which this faul Mefiagc
ftruck into the whole Faniily % a general
Confternation at once overilpread their
Faces^ and they looked as if an E^th-
quake was going to Avallow them up :
But they were obliged to fubnut with Pa-
tience, and as a Glimpfe of Hope flill re-
mained, they had nothing \th but to put
up their Prayers For Lady Bab\ Recovery.

At

POMPEY THE LITTLE. 195

At length the important Evening ar-
rived, that was to decide all their £»-
pe&ations and Fears. Many Conrulta»>
tions had been held every Day, and zU
naoft every Hour of the Day, that Things
Mght be perfeA and in Order, when the
Tinre came : Yet notwithftandmg all their
Precautions, a Difpute zroic alnH>ft at
the laft Moment, whether Laif Frippery
was u rtceive her Company at the Top or
Bottom of the Stairs? This momentous
l^^ueftion begat a warm Debate. Her
Ladyihip and Miis contended refolutely
for the Top of the Stairs, Sir Thomas for
:he Bottom, and Mr. Chace obferVed a
(Neutrality ^ till at length, after a long
Altercation, the Knight was obliged to
rid)nfHt to a Majority of Voices^ tho' not
p^ithout condemning his Wife and Daugb*
cr for want of Politenefs. • My Dear,
iaid he, taking a Pinch of Snuff with
great Vehemence, I am amazed ;thac
you can be guilty of fuch a Selecifm
in Breeding : It JRirprizes me, that you
are not fenfible of the Impropriety of
it — Will it not Ihew nnich greater
Refpeft and Compl^ilance to meet your
0)mpany at the Bottom of the Stairs,
than to ftand like an Jndiqn Queen re-

K i « ceiving;

f

jg6 The Hi ST OK Y of

- * cciving Homage at the Top of tf

* Yes, my Dear ! anfwered her ]

* fliip ; but you know my Tcrritor
^ not commence till the Top of the 5
^ our Territories do not begin

* Stairs ; and it would be very imj
**f6r me to go out of my own I
^ nions-^Dpn^t you fee that, my 1

* I amfurprized at your Want of

* prchenlion to-day. Sir Thomas /* *

* well, I have given it up, anfwere
•^ have your own Way, Child ; have

* own Way, my Lady, and then

* beplcafcd, I hope — ^but I am fu;

* my Days, People would have met

* Company at tne Bottom of the 1

* When I and Lord Oxherd were :

* Miniftry together, Afiairs would

* been Very diflferent — hut the Ag

* loft all its Civility, and People ai
<* half ib well-bred as they were forn

This Refiedion on modern '

Eiqued the Daughter's Vanity, ¥fh
egan to play her Part in the D

* Yes Papa, faid (he, but what fi|

* what People did formerly- ? thar

* thing at all to us at preTent, you I

* for to be fure^all People were Foo
'* merly : - 1 always think People

POMPEY THE LITTLE. 19;

Fools in former Days. They never
did any thing as we do now*a-days, and
therefore it (lands to Reafon they were
all Fools and Idiots. *Tis very mani-
feft they had no Breeding, and all the
World niuft allow, that the World ne-
ver was fo wife, and polite, and fcnfi-
fible, and clever as it is at this Moment ^
and, for my Part, I would not have
lived in former Days for all the World/
Pugh ! faid the Knight, interrupting
her, you are a little illiterate Monkey ;
you talk without Book, ChHd ! the
World is nothing to what it was in my
Days. Every thing is altered for the
worfe. The Women are not near fo
handfome. - None of you arc compa-
rable to your Mothers.' Nay> there— •
faid Lady Frippery^ ^interpofing, there.
Sir Tl^omasj I entirely agree with you--*
there you have my Confent, with all my
Heart. To be fure, all the celebrated
Girls about Town are mere Dowdies, in
Comparifon of their Mothers ; and if
there could be a Refurrefkion of Beau-
ties, they would fhinei only like Brijiol
Stones in the Company of Diamonds.!
Blels me. Mamma! cried the young
Lady, with the Tears {landing in her
Eyes, how can you talk fo? Theice

K 2 I never

\

fgS ^ifc/ History ij^

* never were fo many fine Women in the

• whole World, as there arc now in Lon-

* don \ and 'tis enough to make one
^ burft out a crying, to hear you talk— «

• Come, Mr. Cbaciy why dcm*t you ftand
^ up for us modern Beauties ?'

In the mtdft of this Converiation,
there was a violent Rap at the Street-
door; whereupon they all flew to the
Window, crying out eagerly, Tiere--—'
there is Ladj^ Bab—/ am Jure 'tis Ladj
Bab ; for I knew ber Fopimdfi^s Rap. Yet,
in fptte of this Knowledge, Lady Bai did
not arrive according to their Hopes \ and
ft feemed as if her Lady (hip had laid 'a
Scheme to keep them in Sufpence ; for
of all the Peopfe, who compoled this il-
laftrious Aflembly, Lady Bah came the
hift. They took care, however, to in^
form the Company frpm time to time,
that (he was expefted, by making the
fame Ofoiervation on the Arrival of every
lre(h Coach, and ftill per(2(Kng that they
knew her Footman's Rap, tho* they had

iven fo ma^y Proofs to the coatrary.

Lt length, however. Lady Bab Frightful
CUmei and it is impoffibfe to exprefs the
Joy they felt on her Appearance ; whkh
revived tfaenii on a fudden ^om . the
- ' ' ' ^ Depth

POMPBY THE LITTLE. 199

Depth of Dcfpair to the highcft Exalta-
tion of Happiacfs;, ;

H^U, l^^dyftip'^ grew To^ engroflcd
the Converfation for the firft Hour, whofc
Mififorlunt yfsA ktm^t^ in very p^ithctic
Termini bj aU L the Coii>p*rty^ arjd ipajtty
%ik VitBeAms tmr^ mid^ iipon the Ao
ckJieit. wfcieb h^d buppenedi fpnic con*
dtOMiiDg ibe lgmr#m:^s wd others thjc
Cai^fi^fs oi the Si|fg<;^t;», who had
t*en .gMiky of ^ych a Trcfpafs on her
X^i^K&ip's Flcjh. ^on^ advifrd l|cr to
be ^ory carc&i: biw Q^ wai|ced uppn it ;
'Qfhtoi i»^«;«aiQ^ftd % l^r^ff Shoe to her
lAiyJhif^ 1^^ h%fiy Fri^fry^ ipparticu-
Mr» OOttfiWW^ {hf wh^ Evening tp pro-
Mft jtb^ i^:QyigMi9^ fhe I^ad to her,
for fwwrUig :hfir, wiA ^r Company un-
der fuch an Affli^jpo., ?uf Jiad J[ a^
hundred Hands, and, as many Pens, it
Sifoiild b< ina^pfONOible to defcrib^the Folly
of that Night: Wberefoire, begging the
Readt^r foTupply it by the Help of his
own IinaginatiQo, I proceed to other
//arts of this Ji^ftofy^

Jf^ 4 CHAP.

2Q(f The Ht&TOKYcf

■ t

C H A p. DC

In which fever al Things are touched upon.

WHEN this gre^ Affair was over,
the Marriage came next upon the
Carpet; the Celebration of which was
fixed for Eafter Week; biit Mr. Chace
recolleding in Time that it would inter-
fere with Newmarket Races, - procured a
Reprieve till the Week following. At
his Return from thofe Olympic Games,
<he Nuptials were celebrated before a
general Aflembly of their Relations, and
the happy Couple were conduced to Bed
in Publick with great Demonfbadons of
Joy. The Bridegroom todc PolTeflion rf
the Bride, and Sir Thmaas took Poffeflion
bf Mr. C^rr's Eftatc.

When they had (hewn their new
Cloaths a little in London^ they fet out in
a Body for the Country ; and in a few
Day afterwards, the Lodgings on the
firft Floor were taken by a Lady, whi*
pafled under the fidtidous Name of Mrs.
Caryl. The hafly Manner, in which fhe
made her Agreement, infufed a Sufpiclon
into ourMilliner from the very Beginning ;

and

POMPEY THE LITTLE. 201

and many Circumftances foon concurred
to perfuade her, that her new Lodgef
was a \^^fe eloped from her Hufband.
For befides that fhe came into her Lodg*
ings late In the Evening, (he Teemed to
aflfeft a Privacy in all her Anions, which
plainly evidenced, that (he was afraid of
fome Difcovery •, and ' this encreafed our
Milliner's Curiofity the more in propor-
tion as the other feemed lefs inclined to
gratify it. But an Event foon happened
to confirm her Conjeftures ; for three
Days after the Lady's Arrival, a Chair
(topped at the Door one Evening near
Ten o'clock, from whence alighted a
wcU-dreft Man about Fifty Years old,
who wrapping himfelf up in a red Cloak,
proceeded haftily up Stairs, as if delirous
to conceal himfelr from Obfetvation.
This Adventure favoured fo (h-ongly of
Intrigue, that it was no wqnder our Mil-
liner contrived to nleet him in the Paflage,
to latisfy her Curiofity with a Survey o£
Bis Features ; for People, in' whom that
Paflion predbmiriates, often find the^
greateft Confblation from knowing the|;
finalleft Trifles. Pompey was ftill morc^
inquifidve than his Miftrefs, and took
Courage to follow the Gentleman into thq
Diriing-JRoom, widi a Defire, I luppofc,
"^^^ ^ K 5 of

of hearir^i; what palTed in fb fa/hioaablc
an Interview,

* ■■ f

Th« l>dy rofe from her Chair to re-
^ve this Man of Fafliion, who faluted
her with great Complaifance, and hoped
ihe was pleafed with tier new Apartments.
1 Yes, my Lord, anfwercd Ihe, the

* people are civilized People enoi^h,
^ and I believe have no Su4>iciQn about

* me but did they fee your Lord«

* fliip come up Stairs?* * *Pon my

* Honoui*, Maaam^ faid the Peer, I can t

* tcU; there was a femaje Figure glided

* ^ me in the Paffagc, but whether the
^ Cfreature made Remarks or not, I did
^ not ftay to obferve— -Well, Madamt
' 1 hope now I may give you Joy of
^ , your Ffcap^ and I dare iay you wiU
% find yourlelt much happier than you
^ was under, the lU-ufage of a Tyrant

* you dtfpifcd.* The Lady then rehted,
with great Pleafantry, the Manner of
her Efcgpe, and the Difficulties that at-
tended the Execution of it ; after which
(he concluded with faying, * I wonder,

* my Lord, what my liuiband is no^
' thinking on ?' ^ Thinking on I an-
^ fwered the Peer — that he's a Fool and
^ a Blockhead, I hope^ Madam, and de-

• ferves

^glg^ka^aasMMI

•^ ferrcji tQ be kapgjsd fpr abyfmg the
^ Ch^vm^ pf fa divioe ^ Creature — Good

* God i w^$ k poflible for him to har-

• bQur ^p ill-nawre^j Thought, while he
^ h2i4 thfl ^Ic^fune of looking in thaf

• angeUc Fftce?- 'My Lord, faid the
« Ij^dyj> I fenow I have taken 4 very ill

< S^ mtjilp Eye of the World j but \
'« Vv^ ti^;^.tT»ich Spirit to bear Ill-ufagc

* with Patience, arid let the Confcquences
^ be what they will, I am determined to
,«^ fujbipjt tp. tlj^ni, r3?her tb^n be a Slave
« tp t^ ^g-l^pflpiQjjrs pf a Man I defplfcd^
,• h^|ed^d^q;pft^d.* « Forbear Madam,
i i^id his Xpf^njijp*, to tbmkv of him j
,f my rprtiwij?,l,nf»j^ Intcrcft,, my Sword*
< ^e ^ devpjcd to^ypw Service, and I

\ ^mjf^l tp !9t^We any U>p^inancl you
^'; pl^^lje^tp^jx^fpiipQOrng^^ let us call
•; ^ Ripjte ^fec^l^ Xppif of Ck)nverfation,

' S9PW ^frerjthb g Jight, but elcgapj

.Supper. w^p plftc^d ^J^PP'^ ^he Table, and

the $pryfnt3 wpre ordered to retire •, for

there j^eeert^in Sleaftins, when even the

iQv^t f^efire '^ b^nilb Oftentadon. The

^bfeatlj^^fb^d Furnifliedthem widi much

JP,^\l\tfyy ^n^ tliey pjAured to themfelves

continually the Surprize he would be in»

when Hrft he difcpvercd his Wift^s IKJop^-

, ., , menu

W04 ^he History of

ment; nor did this Man of Galk
iand Fafhion finifh hi^ amorous Vifi
paft Two o'clock in the Morning;
he was going down Stairs, he founa 1
felf again encountered by the barkin
Jictle Pompeyj whom be fn'atched u
his Arms, and getdng baftily into
Chair, that waited for him at the E
carried him off with hitti to hl^'
Houfe.

T H B neict Morning, when our I
waked, and took a Survey of his
Apartments, he had great Reafon tc
joice in the Change he had made : '
Magnificence of the Fumitore evide
jhewed that he was in the Houfe <
Man of Quality ; and the Imports
Vhich difcovered itfelf in the Faces of
the Domeflics, feemed likewife to pt
that their Mafter belonged to the Cc
The Porter in particular appeared to I
Politician of many Years nanding, fo
never deliver'd the mofl ordinary Mef]
but in the Voiceof a Whifber, accompai
with fo many Nods, Winks, and 01
myfteripus Grimaces,^ that he j>a
among his Acquaintance for a Statefi
bf no comnion Capafityt

«*••*

iLV

POMPEYthb LITTLE. 265

About Nine o*Cl6ck Tn the Morning
Lord Danglecourt was pleafed to raife him-
fcif up in his 3ed,' and fummoncd his
Valets to aflift hini in putting on his
Cloaths. As foon ^s it was reported
through the Houfe that his Lx)r/ifhip was
ilirring, the Multitudes who wefe waiting
to attend his LeVee, put themlelves in
Order in his Antichamberto pay their
Morning Homage, as foon as he pleafed
to appear. Several of them, however,
who came on particular Bufinefs, of were
neceiT^ry Agents under his Lordfhip,
were felefted from the common Groupe,
and introduced into the Bed-chamber
where they had the inexprelCble Honour
and Pleafure to fee his Lordfliip wafh his
Hands and buckle on his Shoes in private.

B u T bis Lordlhip was condemned thia
Morning to, give private Audience to the
chief Inhabitants of a Borough-Town,
of which (to ufe the common Phrafe) he
made the Members^ and confequently was
obliged to treat ttiepi with that ceremor
nious Refpeft, which Free-Britons always
demand in exchange for their Liberty.
Thefe Gentlemen were ambitious of hav-
ing their Town itrefted into a Corpora*
" ^ ti<M\^

."»

uon, and now waited on Lord Dangle-
court with . fi Petition, fett^g forth , the
Mature of thejr Requeft^ and iipgging:
hi? lx)rdlhipV lotereft to obtain a Charter
for them. They were condudted into a
private koonii^ where hi$ Lprdfhipfopo
prefented hVnfeJf tQ theni, ^anrf after f^-
, ludng them ail roundj beggecj to know
if he could haye the flonour of fervin^
the4Ti in any thing, making, many Prp^
jtcftations of his particular Regard ^
them and eterijal Dcyotion to their In-
tereft. TJiis fcemicd to anfwer their
AVUhes V whefeuppn one. of them ticking
la Packift out of his $reaft, be^n tp read
wljat noig^^b^ xr^jied. the Hiftpry .of their
Towp wjt^ ioorc propriety th^n a jPetitipn,.
for it cpntaiii^d fliie JSfim^spf afl the gl^ck-
ifrtiithjs^ Barbers^* aqd; Awrnip, . th^t h?i4
fldtiriflied in it for many Centuries back-
wgrcjs. His Lprdfbip tpplfgr^s^t Pfiins
"to fupprefs hijj InclinatipD to JUaught^r^
and for a while feep^?d tor liften with
jgre^t Attention j but at lengfh bijB P;i-
tience /being quite cxhauttc;ci» he was
obliged to intcrriipt die Orator ^of the
. Company, j&ying, • WpH, ' Gen^lcme^,,
« I won't give ypu the Trouble to rea4
* any more 5 I fee the Nature pf y wr
I Pctiuon extremely nfcU, and ypu may

* depend

POMPEYT«it LITTLE. ^7

Vdrpeod tipota piy Interef^as \?^^ 0>

* leave yourf^ctiqoo with me, Sir^ fp4

* ru look over the remaining Part 4t mj

• Lcifurc — -T^Depcad upon it, Geiuk*-
\ men^ you Ihall (oon be in Pofieffion of

• your Dcfire^/ HisLordfhip theplje-
g^Q to enquire after their Wives an4
Paugbters^ and having ordered his Scr^
yants to bring a Salver of Sack and
Biicuits, he drank Pro^rity to their new
Corporation, reprefented in the ftrongeft
Terni3 the Hooour they did him, in
making him ioftrumentai to ^ Com^

Sletion of cheir Delii^s, and ihopp^ he
looLd verv fopn i>e able to complimept
them on their Succefs. H$ then con^
duAed tbem to the Door, and they de*^
parted from him with the mod: graicefiil
Acknowledgmentsof his Gpodnef^, and tl^.
higheft inward Satisfaction to think they
had fo gracious a Patron.

They irere no (boner gone, than his
Lord(hip_ returned into his Clofet, and
fell a laughing at the Folly and Imper-
tinence of his Petitioners. ' Curie the
< Boobies, cries he, do they think I have

* nothing to do but to make Mayors and

* Aldermen?' and fo faying, he threw
down the Petition to the Dog, and began

2 to

ioS 75^^ History^

Co make Mm fetch and carry for his Dw
verfion . Pompey very read ily entered into
the Humour of this Paftime, and made
fuch good ufe of his Teeth, that the
Hopes of a new Corporation were fbon
demolilhed, and the Lord knows how
many Mayors and Aldermen in a Mo-
ment perimed by the unmerciful Jaws oi
a Bologna Lap-dog. But his Lordfhip
loon grew tired of this Entertainment,
and when he thought the Petition had
been feverely enough handled by the Dog,
he fnatched it from him, and flung it mto
the Fire, faying, with a moft contempt
tuous Sneer, So much for a new Corpora^
Hon: After which^ he called for his Hat
and Sword, and went Abroad ; nor did
Pompey fee any thing more of him during
the remaining Part of the Day.

CHAP.

POMPEY THE LITTLE. 200

< ,

CH A P. X.

Deferring the Miferies of a Garreteer

Poet.

r . . .

THE next Morning as his Ijordfhip
was fitting in his Stiidfi and read-
ing fome Papers of State, his Gentleman*
Uflier came into the Room, and informed
him, that Mr. Rhymer the Poet was
below. « Curfe Mr. Rhymer the Pbet^

* cries his Lordfhip, and you too for an
^ egregious Blockhead— why the Devil

* did you let the Fellow in? Tell him

* that his laft Political Pamphlet is exe-

* crable Nonfenfe and unintelligible
^ Jargon, and \ am not at X.eifure to fc6

* him. this ^Morning/ * My Lord, feid
^ ihe*VaIet> 'he defired me to acrquaint

* yoiij tW hie has a Plan for writing tlii

* Hiftory of your Lordlhip's Family^

* which fie wants to communicate to

* your Lordfliip for youf Approbation/

* Turn the Scoundrel out of Doors 'thii

* Moment, arifWered the Peer j I won't

* haVe the Honour of my Anceftors be-
« fmeared-with his Gruhftreet Ink— Stay,

* hold Dick/on ! let the Fellow fend up

* his execrable Specimen hawever, ^ if
\ • wUl

210 \^.^MT<nr:^

^ will furniih me, perhaps, with a little

* Diverfion this Morpio^? if it be very

* abfurd, and that I have no doubt of—
(5o, brwg hi^^PUn. Mr. Dic^fou then
went down Stairs, and foon returned with
the unfortunate Propofals, which being
prdwed 'to tq^d, J^c j^^j^ngqiicedr ji^-tht
following Manner ^ Trop^tdsfor pointing
iy SukfcripUon Hifioricat M^mpirs af fhn
illufiriius and noble Family of John Earl
of Danglecourt, in whUb U will be proved^
that the Virtues of all Ms divifie ^ncef^\
eenUr in bis prefect lj>r,J^ip^ and' tba^ U
is the Mocaenas of Leltersj tbe Ric^eli^cu
$f Politics^ and the Hampden oftbe £^r^
liih ConftiliUionJ ^ Very well, cries |)is

< liOrdfliip, thi$ is a Sycophant, t^at
« would deify oi^ for a Craft of Bneadt
f however, kt him proceed ^ HU Wpik^
^ and wh(^ he has oniA^ed it, P^^l^^^ ^
^ may give hin^-—^ a Dinner/ .••My

* Lord, anfwer'd the Valet, unlels youi

< LordflHp beftow; that Favour upon^bim

* beforehand, L aoi afnud he will ne^ei
f live tQifiqiftt rt, for. really theipooi

< Qentlpmaii fceo^? a little put of C?fe^
^ and I b^licy&.he i« fcidom guilty of In-*

* temperance at bis MeaJ^-r^He begs ma

* CO prefent his bM«ible I>uty to youf

* Lordflupft : apfj M iofotsa your L^ndi
':' ■ ' * fhip.

POMPEYthi LITTLE, ztt

L (hip, diat a fimU Giacuttjr woiild be
' very accepcaMe a£ prdent^ for it feemir
^ his Wife v^ ready to. lie-in, and he lays^
\ he has not Six*pcnce to defray the Ex«
^ penccs of her Groaning.' * How,
^ cries his Lordihip, has that Fellow the
^ Impudence ik) beget Children 2^ The
^ Dog pretends here to. be ftarving, and
' yet has the Afliirance to deal in Ffo-
' creation — — Pry thee, Dukfitfy what

* fort of a Woman is his Wife ? have you

* ever fccn her? Yes, my Lord, anfwer-

* ed the trufty Valet ; but I an\ afcaid
^ (he would have no great Temptation^
^ for your Lordihip ; for the poor Gen^
f tlewoman has the Misfortune to iquint
5 a lititle, which does not give a very

* bewitching Air to her Countenance^
^ andhastheAccompfiflnntntofredHalr
^ into the bargain/ < WeU then, cries the

< Peer, turn the Hound out o( Doorsj^

* and bid him go the Devil. Pox
^ take him, if he had a haodfome Wife#
^ I might be tempted to encourage him
> a little ; but how can he expeft my
^ Favour without doing any thing to de«

* fcrvc it ?• * Then your lixdfliip won't
^ be pleafed to fend him a fmall Acknow-

< fedgment, laid the Vakc de Chambre/

< No, leplicd the Peer; I have no Money

• to

aia Tbi Hi sr OK vef

* to flmg away on Poets and Hackney '^

* writers ; let the Fellow eat his own

* Works, if he is hungry,— Hold, ftay,
^ I have thought better of it ; here Dick-
f fon^ ciarry him this Dog which I brought
^ home the other Night, and bid him
^ keep the Creature for my Sake.'

'Die K s ON was a Man of fotne little
Humour, which had promoted him to
the Dignity of firft Pimp in ordinary to
his Lordfliip, and perceiving that his
Maftrr had ia mind to divert himielf this
Morning with the Miferies of an unhappy
Poet, he refolvcd that the Joke (hould
not te loft in pafling through his Hands;
Taking the Dog therefore from his Lord-
fliip, he made hafte down Stairs, and
accofted the expe(5ti'ng Bard in the follow-
ing Manper : ' Sir 1 * his Lordfliip is ver^
f bufy this Morning, and : not at Leifurd

* to fpeak with you, but he recommends
^ it to you to proceed in the Execution

* of your Work, and begs you would do
< him the Favour to accept of this beau-

* tiful little Bologna Lap-dog/ * Ac-

* cept of a Lap-dog, cried the Poet with

* Aftonifliment *, blefs me ! what is the

* Matter? Surely there muft be fome
f Miftake, Mr. Dick/on ! for I cannot

' • readily

POMPEy THE LITTLE. 215

readily comieive of what Ufe a Bohgns
Lap-dog can be Co me.' • Sir, replied
the Vddt-deKrhatnbre, you may depend
upon ic, his Lordfhip had fome Reafon
for making you this Present, which ic
does not becomes us to ^efs at.' . * No,
iaid the Bard, I would not prefume to
di^e into his Lordlhip's Councils^ which,
to be fure^ are always wife and unfcru-
table ; but really now, M r# Dtckfimj a
few Guineas in prefent Cafh would be
rather more ferviceable to me than a
Bologna Lap-dbg-^Even a few Bologna
Sau&ges, to carry home in rtiy Pocket,
would have been more comfprtable to
my poor Wife .and Children.* ^ Sir,
faid the Valet, you muft not diftruft
his Lordfhip'sGenerolity : Great Statef*
men, Mr. Rhymer 9 always do Things
in a different manner . fcom the reft of
the World : There, is ufually, as you
obferve, fomething a little myfterious
in their Condudt ; but aflure yourfelf.
Sir, this Dog will he the Fore-runner
of a handfome Annuity, and it would
be the greateft Affront imaginable not
to receive him..— ^You muft never refgfe
any Thing, which the Great eftcem a
Favour, Mr. Rhymer^ on any Account ;
even thp' it flKHild ioyolve you and

* your

•214 sra/ HisroitY qf

* LordOnp defired that you "would kttp
!» (he Vog for his Sake, Sit^ and ttoe^
^ foft you may be fure he has a pntku^*

* lar Regard for you, when Jie lends yoa

* hch a Memorial of his

Tm wAuKpfifVoet finding he could
*ext0rc nothing from the unfeeling Haadsi
of his Patron, was obliged t6 rethre with
the Dog under his Arms, and climbed
up in a difconfblace Mood to his Garrer,
whene be found his Wife codkii^ the
Sciug End of a Neck of Mutton for Din^
ner. The Manfions of this Son of Afelh
were v^ contni^d, and one would
have thought it impoffibie for one fingk
Room to ha;re fenred fo many domefl^
Furpofes; but good Houfewifery knows
no Difficulties^ znd Penury has a Thou-
fatid Inventions, which anc unknown to
Eafe and Wealth. In one Corner of thefe
poetical Apartments flood a Flock-bed,
and underneath it, a green Jordan pre-
fented itfelf to tht Eye, which had col-
lected the noduriftal Urine of the whole
Family, confiding of Mr. Riymerj his
Wife and two Daughters. < Three rotten
Chairs and a half feemed to ftand like
Traps in various Parts of the Room,

threatning

POMI^EYTii^UTrLE. 115

li»2eiiiii^l>o)Vnlk}s«(>^^uittf4 f

a/xd cnc^mtatf l\iBle In ih^ Midclk of
dm atrial Gitref, Terved fo hoia the dtf-^^
fercDi iVeafur^s of the whole Family,'
Them ymrt now Jyiftg upon it the firft:
Aft of a Comedy, a Pair of yellow Sotys^
fivopi^Iftic^Palnphlefts, e Phteof Bread-
ffld^^bimery three ditty N^h^ca{>s, and
a, Vbluttoe of Mifeejlaify P&cm. Th<5
LddV of the Hbufe waidtiowi^ a Neck
ef MUvtof>9 as we befoite obferved, in
nea^-e Soi^ and the two Daughters iac
hi the Willow, metidtng thi^if Father's
bfOWrt StochaftgJ witfi Wue Worfted;
Subh were the Man^fions of Mr« Rhymer ^
the Poet, which I heartily recommend to"
1^ repealed PeruTal of all thofe unhappy
Gentlemen, who feel in themfelves a
grdwing Infclimtion to that mifehievousy
damnable, and d^ftru^ive Science.

As torn ,i& Mr. Riymer entered the
Chanmber, Ms Wife deferted her Codccry,
to enquire the Succefs of his Vifit, on
which the Comforts of hier Lying-in fo
much depended' ; alnd feeing a I>Og unde^
her Huiband's Arm, ^ Bfefs me, my
^ Dear! faid (he, why do you bring
« home that filthy Creature, to eat up
^ our Viftuab ^ loank Heaven^ we have

! got

2i6 ?1&^ History of

flot more Mouths already, than we. em
utbfyt and I am fure we want no Ad'^
dition to our Family/ * Why, my
Dear, anfwered the Poet, his Lordihip
did me the Favour to prefent me thu
Morning with this beautiful little £0-
logM Lap-dog/ * Prefent iyOw with a
I^p-dog, cried the Wife iptemipting
him, . what is it you mean^ Mr« Rhjr
tnsr ? but, however, I am iglad hii
Lordihip was in fo boundful a.Hur
mour, for I am fure then he has given
you a Purfe of Guineas to n^intauuthe
Dog. Well, I vow it was a Vferyig^-
tecl Way of making a Prefent, and I
(hall love the little Foolfor^is Ma-
iler's Sake. Great Mica do 'Thing?
with io much Addrefs always, that one
is tranfported 9S much with. .their Po-
liten^fs as their Genqipfity >• ^ tfew the
unhappy Bard Ihook his Head, and
foon undeceived his Wife, by r informing
her of all that had pafTed in his ^oming^s
Vifit. ' How, faid Ihe, no Money with
the Dog? Mr. fihymer^. I an), amaj^
that yon will fubniMt:tO; fyfJi Uf^gc
Don't yoiJ iT^c thatrjMy makeiaiFopt
and an Af$, and a LaHighihg-ftock .0^
yovi ? Why did, you take their filtbf

Dog? ru Mh? .its Braei^ daflied iftM&

* this

JOMPEY THE LITTLE, ajy

this Motnept* — ^x. fU^mer^ ifyouh^d
kept on ypiif TaJlow-chandler's Shdp^
I and mine ihould have I^ad wKerer
withal to Jive ; but you muft court ih%
draggle-tail Niafes forfqotH, and^a ^C
ProvifiAP they have, ma4c Cor y^u;^^
Here I ejtpefl: tp ht brought to ^^4
every Dfy, and 70A1 iiaye not IV^oxiey
to buy Pap 4nd Caudle.-r>0 euife y^ur
I^rds and your Political Pamphlc^^^^ I
am fare I have Realon tp repent th6
Day that ever I niarricd a Poet* * j\far
dam, faid Rkyn^r^ qcalper^ted at hik
Wife*3 Conyfer&tion, you' ought ra^er
Jto bleis the Day, that marHod you to
^Gentleman, whole Soul deipiie$ njieF
cfa^ifiiqaj Trades, aqd^s devoted tpthe
nq^iefl: Scie^e in. the tJn^vpife. Po**
etry^ M^fii;), like Virtues is i^ p]va
JEUTVard ; ^ut you have a vulgar No^
^'j^n ^<)f Tl^ngs, ijiou^afvre jin illiberal
AttaQiiaient to Money, and had rather
^ frying Greafe in a Tallpw<handler'i
Shop, thjin iillening jto the divine Rhap
iqdies of the Heliconian M^f^A^^ '^^
true, Madap:!, his liOrdfhip'has not^re^
conapenfed my La^urs apcprding to
JBxpp^tion this Morning, but what of
that? ,he ^id me proceed in the Execu^
)tikm «f jnx P^gPf .aa4 p^lputitedly

' L ^ means

218 The Hi^TOKY of

^ means to reward me* Lords are often

* deftitute of Ca(h, as well as Poets, and

* perhaps I came upon him a Irtric im-

* feafonably, when his CofFcrs were

* empty -, but I aufpicate great Things

* from his Prefcnt of a Dog. — A Dog,

* Madam, is the Emblenii of Fidelity,

* and that encourages me ^ hope his

* Lordfiiip will be true to my Intereft/

* The Emblem of a Fiddle- ftick ! cried

* the Wife, interrupting him, l.tell you,

* Mr. Rbymefj you are a Fool, and have

* ruined your Family by your fenfelels

* Whims and Projefts. — A Gentleman^

* qraothal Yes, forfooth, a very fine Gen-

* tleman truly, that ha? hardly a Shirt to
^ his Back, or a Pair of Shoes to hi

* Fect.-^Look at your Daughters there

* in the Window, and fee whether they

* appear like a Gentleman's Daughters;

* and for my Part^ I have not an Under-

* petticoat that I can wear. You have

* had three Plays damned, Mr. Rhymer^
« and one would think that m^ht h^c

* taught you a little Prudence; but, I

* Deuce fetch me, if you fliall write any

* more, for Til burrt all this Nonfcnft

* that lies upon the Table/ So fayingJ
flic flew like a Bacchanal Fury at hiJi
yTorks, and mih tivBgt Han^s was go*{

POMPEY TMXITTI.E. <ia

ing to commit them to the Flames, but
Jier Hufband's Voice intcwupted her,
crying out with Im^atiencei * See, fee
^ fee, my Dear ! the Pot boils over, and
* :the Broth Is iall running away into the
^ Fire.* This luckily fut an end to
their Altercation, and poftponed the Sa-
crifice that was going te be' made ^ thc^y
Yhen fat down to Dinner without a Table«>
cloth, and made a wretched Meal, envy-
ing oiie another every Mc»:fel that efcaped
4hw own Mouths. ,

TiiEiR Diftreffcs increafed every Day,
,and it. is highly probable, that Pompg
would foon have fallen a Sacrifice to
ijunger, and been ferved up at Mr, Rbyr
4uer*s poetical Table, had pofihe qunning
li|:tle AnitBal, prudentiaUy foreffeemg
what :might happen, taken to his I;Iec^
one Morning, and happily made his
Efcape from this Scene of Mifery, Squaf-

Jidncfe,. . and Poftiy. • /

*■ . , . ' ■

L ft-^ CHAP.

, • - r »-■ '

. , • ,4 .

-V

tljr ' #ife ti t ST 6 R Y ^if

'\

C H A p. XI.

Sbwim th ill Efeffs ^f Ladies ha^trii^

OUk Herd^ Wimfcf^ abdiit tl*
Strrtte ifof rtm or three Hours, < •tifl
bdng tired of his Per^riiiMlbn) he 'Udok
iShrfter it! 4 hattdfenic Hd«fe, ^Hft-e thfc
Door flood hofpitably ^ft td Wbftvfe
him. Here he was foon found by the
Sei^rftis, And Ihe Wakitig-geiftla/toman
tarried hitn up StsirS) a^a Beauty, tohc^
Miftrefs, whdm'flie fowid irtk Fk, and
tdnfequently "^^ Obliged to defer the tn-
Jtrodu&iott of Fm^ey^ to atoft heif Lady 1
.^h'Hirtftibrft, tod^dthct^hy^al Re-*
%^iv^s^ <With WMch ^er Chanl&er W2(s
^IcnfiifiSttf filled.

This Lady, by iS^«^' t^. ^imtm-
fick^ had the Misfortune to be afflifted
with that mod terrible Sicknefs, which
arifes only from the Imagination of the
Patient, and which it is no Wonder Phy-
ficians find fuch a Difficulty to cure, as
Ji Bai ! diiither Naa»e, TSymptoms, or £x-
Utence# She was» in reality, eaten up

with

I > IHIIHII^M"

POMPEYth? little, an

qai^jti; peithw ^l^tyr^ nor Fprf W?« Had bff-
lfe>we4 aay ^pw hfir, H^r Cflnftityti5>H

QT'mmlly \yas yerygftoi^ 4iKi healthy t

^m: Siejiac} ft) many Tpcgr? ^f n eqdeft-

YOHniiig tg^ (J^ftray ir, by th» Advip? m4

Affifti^Cje qf Jliyficiartf, ih^t fli^ h$d nOW
phyficked |ierf(5lf ioK) aH kin^s pf im^gii-

34ry jDfii0r49B, iand. WM irnhfaJthy from
f^?, y^ry Pairwi ifeei tppk » pteftrv^ hpi:

Health. Her me.ek-^tf?4 H:yn»fld
poffeffed an Eftate of Two Thoufand

lyliw^qf bis in(|u)geiit Wife l^yiftipd m^y

c» PhyficiuM md Apptjiecarifi? Wk i and
th<>* Ifee to^k al) Pale* «> lyncjiir faerftlf

wtoKdy ifi ibc Cy^ pf A HwJ(lwi4 cbe
gPfiJpWtfurtd fipiple Mai) ww fo jewr

arpimdfoC h«r %%CSbwriWi . tbftt ins ftiUr

44ci^^ het^ ».a Qo^^St m^ paid a^ipd

^. hpr wi^^ jMrv^ i^yom ivirmkKpd h^

^;^89Jill60^djl|»£:l&ofiw is»pCr lief j^ft;

in her Bed-chamber, as a .CpOigf^tiiflQ 1^
her in her Affliftions : and befides the Con-
4wn[ient be underwent, he was obliged

L 3 likewife^

21^ fie H 1 8 T O R Y (0/

*

rikewi(e» at oU Seafonst to conform him-
felf to the prefcnt State of her Ncnrcs;.
For, fometirties, the Sound of a Voict
was Death to hef, and then he was en-
joined inviolable Silence : At other Times
fhe chofe tabe diverted with a Book, and
then he was to read Hervey*s Meditations
anK>ng the Tonibs: Again, at other
Tlmesi whert her Imagination was a little
inoTt cliearfiil thafi ufua), fhe would a-
mufe herfelf with conjugal Dalliances,,
toy with her Hufband, ftfoke his ^ace,
^nd provokt him to tfeat her wkh littte
amorous -Endtarfftints. • " -

' As a Reward ■ f6r this''Humllityj and
Readiriefs to comply with her Humoun?,'
flie would do him the favour, every no#
and then, to tiake him abroad in her
Co^chJ when W' Pbyfitians prtfcribed-
her an 'AWn'g t Tlio* it nia^ be doui^^
whethef hdrei::eived^ny great Enjoyment
of this uncommon Favoui^, as the Glaffes
and Canvafles were conftantly drawn up,
while the fick Lady l^y along like a m
Cor^e, on one whole S^t of the Coach,;
gafping for Air, and compfaunh^ of tke
urieafy Motion, .^

Ai

POMPEY THE LITTLE. 2^r

A s thefe kinds of Diftempers are very
Tantafticals fhe was often feized with the
Etranseft Whims, and would ima^ne
herfelf converted into all kinds of living
Creatures, nay, when her Phrenzy was
at the highefl*, it was not unufual for her
to fancy herfelf a Glafs-bottle, a Tea-poc
a Hav-rick, or a Field of Turnips. The
Furniture of her Rooms was like wife al-
tered once a Month, to comply with the
prefent Fir of Vapours : For, fometimes.
Red was too glaring for her Eyes •, Green
put her in Mind of Willows, and made
her tnelancholic J Blue remembered her
of her dear Sifter, who had unfortunately
died ten Years before in a blue Bed i and
fome iuch Reafon was conftantly found
for Banifliing every Colour in its Turn.
But a litde Specimen of her Converfatioa
one Day with her Doftor, and the Con-
fequences of it afterwards on her Huf-
band, will give the beft Defcripdon of
her Character.

Th b Gentleman of the Efculafian Art
came to attend her one Morning, and flic
began as ufual, with informing him of the
deplorable State in which he found her.
• O, Doftor, faid (he, my Nerves are (b

L 4 ! low

\

124 ^^ History jof

* low to-day, that I can hardly fetch my

* Breath. There is JTuch a Damp and Op-
^ preflSon updh my Spirits, that *tis inj-

* poflibJe for tnfc to live a Week longer.

* Dp you think. Sir, I cih jxiffiBly Kvfe

• a Week longer ?* * A Week longcf,

• Madam ! anfwered the Phjrfician, Oh,

• blefe me! yes, yes, many Years, I

* hope— Come, come. Madam, ydu

• mud not give way to fuch Imagina-

• X\on%. *Tis the Naturie of your Difor-

• der to be attended with a Deje^ion of

• Spirits p' Perhaps forte extemil
« Objeft may have prefented itfelf, that
^ has excited a little Fume of Melancho-*

• ly J or pethapi yotr Ladyfliip may
« have heard a difagreeable Piece of

* News 5 or perhaps the Hazinels of the
^ Weather may have caft a kind of a-^
« a kind of a Lethargy over the animal
^ Spirits, or pterhaps mere want of Slee^

* may have left a uedium on the JBrain ; or
^ a thoufand Things may have cpntri-

♦ buted — but you muft not be alarmed,

♦ you muft not be alarmed. Madam! we
^ Aafl yerh^y ail Ih^t ; we fhatl Ul-ace
I up y ofir Nerved, and ^i^e t tfeW V\bv^

^. io wt Iaqoa} ^ b Dddtff, 'feia &&;

* interrupting hirti, I am afraid ytfu com-

• fo?t with vain Hopes. My BJoOd is

• quite*

P O MP B Y THE I>I TrL E. 2 25

jquite in a^State of Stagnation, Doftbr y
and I bdicTc it wlff never -flow any
more— — -t>o, fed my "FuMc, Doftor l^
Let us fee, ^et us fee, ^piw^red ,the
Phyfitian, takinjg hijoid of Jker ^aqd^
Stajgnatlohftrfrfs^ us. Madam! Nb^ no^
your Pulfe'beats very regularly jind flo-
ridly,' I pr6tcit, arjd ;yow 'Lajfyfhip
will do very well again in t.iiiic-*^|;>ut
you ^muft - take ttiie, Madam ! Tjhat
plexus of Nerves upon {the StorpaCh^
which I have often defcribed to you a^
the Seat, of your Dife>rder, wants fpme
corroborating Help to give them a ne^
Springine^ and £lafticity ; and v(rhe(i
Things-arefctej^cid, youfknow, Madani^
they iwiH -be xmt of Order. Yqu fee it
is the Cafe in all mechanical Machines^
and of courfe it mqft be the fanoie in
"^ -the human CEconomy 5 fqr we arc bi^t
* 'Machines^ we are nothing bur Ma:-

* chirtes, Madaur!* ^*vO Sir, replied thp
•* Lady, 'I f care npt What we. are > .but do,

* for Heaven's fake, redeem ipefrom t;hb
•*• Miferies I fuflfer/ * I will, Madanj,
^ tet^rned tlie Doftor; P,ll pawn nr^
•^^-•momour on yopr ^R^qovery j 'but yqu
-• tnuft take timej ^^adi^ni, your *L^y-
-* ffliip fniift have Patience, and not ejt*
^ pe^ Miracles to be wrought in a Day^

L5 fTime,

1

226 the HlSTQKY of

* Time, Madam, conquers every, thwgf
^ and you need not doubt ^ut we ihall fe&

* you up again-— in tinje. How do you

* find your Appetite ? Do you eat. Ma*

* dam ?* * Not. at, all. Sir, anfwered the

* Lady, not at: all ; I have neither Sto*

* mach, nq^ Appetite, nor Strength, nof

* any thing in ti^e World ;. and I beiievo

* verily,. I can't live a^. Week longpr-*
f 1 drank a little C^iocoUtc yefterday

* Morning,. Sir,, and got/down a. littie

* Bafbo of Broth at Noon, and eat a:

* Pigeon for my Df inner, and made a

* ihift. to get down another little Bafon

* of Broth atNight^uf I can* t eat at all^ .

* Sir ; my Appetite fails me, more and

* more every Day, and IJiLvc upon mer«
f nothing.* ^ ^ ' , ^

• . - ■ ■•

MvcH njore. of this kind of Convert

.fetion paflcd between thc^n, . which we

will not, how ftay.to Telajte. Whep the

Dofbor had taken his lle;av^, , t)ie good*

natured Hufband met him at the Bottom

cif the Stairs,, ^d very tenderly enquired

Jiow, he had left his SD9ufc? To this, the

Son X)f Efculapius anfwered, ^iU ir^ps^

.'jf/r ; : and aflured him there wa& no c^^

^tQ be made of her, Recovery ; addirjg at

$he fame time, * If you can pcrfuade hor

»> *' " - " \ * to

POMPEY THE LITTLE. 227

* to believe herfelf well, Sir, you will be

• her bcft Phyfician.* * Do you think

• fo, Dbftor, faid ^Itnfick^ with a filly

* Smile ?* « Sir, I am fure of it, an*

* fwered the Phyfician :' After which
Words he flew to his Coach, and drove
away to the Deftrudlion of other Patients.

Qualm SICK immediately pofted up »
Stairs to his Wife's Apartment to try the
Effcft of his Perfuafions upon her, little
thinking what a dangerous Office he was^
about to undertake. He began with con-
gratulating her on the Amendment of her
Health, and faid he was very glad to find
frdm the Account hep Phyfician had been-
giving, . that fhe was in a very fair W4y of
Recovery. - This extremely furprized her, .
and weak as fhe was, fhe began to put
much R^ftntment into her Countenance j.
which \^j/w^^ obferving, proceeded in
the following manner. * Come, come,

• my Dear, you mufl not deceive us any-

• longer--^ we know how it is ; we knoW '

* you are well enough, myDear, ify6u
^« would but fancy yourfelf fO^ — ^Do bjjt

« lay afide yoiir Vapours and Imagin^-
« tibns, and I warrant you will have your
I Health for the future.*

Thjs>

This was the firft time that ^alm-
]fick ever prdfumed to talk in ;this iiuda-
ciou3 Strain to hiis Wiffej which iricerifed
her To much, that flie immediately burft
out in Tedrs, and fell upon hinf) with all
the Biltcrhefs of Paffion. * fiirbarous

* Monftcr^ crie^ fhej^ how dare you in-

• fult over my Miferies, when I am juft

• at the Point of Death ? You might as

* well take a Knife and ftab me to the

* Heart, you might — brutal, inhuman
. • Wretch,, thus to ridicule my Afflifti-
^ 6ns !— "-Get out of the Room, jgo, and

• let me never fee your Face any tabre/

tTALAfsicK was fo aftounded at the
Premunire he had drawn himfelf into,,
that he knew not at firft what to think
or anfwer ^but when he had a little re-
covered his W'ts, which were none of
' the beft, he endeavoured to lay the* Blame
/on the Phyfician,, and affured his Wife>
'that whatever he had uttered, was by the
Advi<^e and Inftigation of bev DoStox.
^ *Tis a Lie, cried Jhe blubbering^ *ti$ a

* hbri'id Lie j the *I)o6lor has too nr>u(:h

* Humanity to contradid me, when I tell
^ feino I am at theToint of Death-^Noj

* 'iSs your owa Artifice, inhuman Mon-

^ ftcr !

POMPEYthe^LITTLE. ^g

• fter ! you want to get rid of me, Bar-

• barian! dnd this is the tClethod.you
^ have taken to oiurdeF me. I ani gp-

• ir% feft enough already, but Vhou VHt

• not fuffer me'todtein Peace G et
^ out orriie Room, Cannibal, and iiei!:er
^ prefume to come' into my /Prefcrice any

• more/

With this terrible Injunftion 'he was
obliged to comply, and it was near a
Fortnight before ihe ad milted hfn^ to
make his Peace ; which, however, he did
at length, with many Proteflations of
Sorrow for his paft Offence, and /epeat-
ed AflTurances of behaving with moi-e
Humility for the future. The Phyfician,
who gave Occafion to tliis Difpute, now
fell a Sacrifice to it, and was immediate-
Jy difcarded fqr daring 4:0 fuppofe that a
Lady was well, when Ihe had nfiade fuch
a vehenaent Heibhition to'be ill

CHAP.

tjP* 2**8 HtS TORY </

G H A P. XII. ]

Ctur HerQ goes to the Univerfity of Catn-

bridge,

JpOAfPJEl^ had the good Fortune to
bark one Day, when his Lady's Head
was at the worft ; whether defignedly, or
not, is difficult to determine ^ but the
Sound fo pierced her Braiir^ znd affe£led
her Nerv£Sy that (he ref6lved no longer
to keep him in her own Apartments.
And thus the fame Aftion, which had
unfortunately banilhed him from the Pre-
fence of Aurora^, was now altogether as
favourable in redeeming him from the
fick Chamber,, or rather. Hofpital of Mrs.
^alwfick. .

. Mrs. ^almftck had a Son, who was
about this Time going to the Univerfity
of CawMdge^ znd as the young Gentle-
man had taken a Fancy to Pompey^ , he
eafily prevailed to carry him along with
him, as a Companion to that great Scat
of Learning,.
<■■••■,

Young ^alwjck inherited neither the
hypochondriacal pifpofition of his Mo-
ther,,

POMPEY THE little; ajj,

ther, nor the infipid Meeknefs of his Fa-^
ther ; but,., on thci contrary^ was blefTed
with a good Share of .Healthy, had a greai
Flow of Animal Spirits, .aod a moft vio^-
knt Appetite for^ Pleafure,, He received)
the firft Part of bis Education at Weftmin-^
yj^^r School, where be had acquired what
is ufually. called,, a very pretty Knowledgi
of4ht Tawn -,: tha£ is'^to fay, he had been
iotrpduced, at the Ag^. of TJiirteen, into «
the n^oft noted Bagnios,, knew the Names
of. the moft > celebrated .Women of Plear
fare,. and could drink his. two Bottles of
Claret in an; Evening,, without being:
.gr?atty:difordered io his Underftanding,.
At the Age of. Seventeen, it was judged
proper for him,,, merely. out of Fa{hion,
and to.be like other, young Gentlemen of
his Acquaintance, to take Lodgings at a
Univerfity 5. whither he went with a hearty
Contempt of the Place, and a d^ter,mi^ned
Refolutioa never to , receive any^ Erofit
fromita

He was admitted^ under a Tutor, who
knew no more of the World than if he
had been bred up in aFore^, .and whpfe
four pedantic Genius was illrqualified to
cope with the Vivacifyand Spirit of a
:^ung^Gen;j[en!^an,,warm in.tlie Purfuit

2^2 Tlbe H^stbuV tf

of t^teafure , and -one who required much
Addi^s^ and very artful Management,
to esaike any kind of Rfftraint palatable
aftd eafy to him.

was admitted in the Rank of a
Fellow-commoner, which, according to
the Defimtion given by aMehiber of the
Univerfity in a Court of Jtiffice, is one
who fits at the feme TaWe, and tnjoys the
Converfation of the Fellows. It diflPcrs
from what is called a Gentleman-com-
moner at Oxfordy not only in the Name,
but alfoin the greater Privileges and Li-
cences indulged to the Members of this
Order-; who do not onlyisnjoy ibe Con-
^verfation of the ^Fellows ^ but llkewife a fuU
Ijiiberty of fallowing their own Intona-
tions in every Thing. <For as Tutors and
Governors of Colleges - have ufually pretty
fagacious Nofes after Preferment, they
think itiimpolitic'to 'crofe thi Inclinations
of young Gentlemen, who are Heirs to
great Eftates, and from whom they, ex*
peift Benelfices and Dignities hereifter, as
Rewards for their Want cf Care of tbem^
while they ^were ^nder Uieir Protc€Hon\
^rom hence it comes to. pals, thatPupls
^f this^ Rank are. excufed from 4H puUic
"" ' ^,^and allowed to ablcntahcm-^

A ielves

POMPEYTHfiLltTLE. 235

felves at Pleafure from the private Lec-
tures in their Tutbri Rooms, a^ often as
they haVe rrtide a \piiTty for tJ^tihg^ 6t
ah Engagerhehi ai the 'tfefihis^^ourf, or
are not v^^ll recovered frotti their Even-
ing^s Debauch; And iVhilft? a poW un-
happy Soph, of ho Fortune, fe oftM ex-
pelled f 01* thetribft trivial OfFehd^Sj of
merely to humour the capridom Refent^
ment of his Tutor, who happens to dif^
like his Fake; yo^ng Nobleman, and
Heirs of great Eftiates, liiay commit any
Illegafiti^s, and, if thdy pltafei oterturfi
A College with Impunity.

YovNo ^tMtmJhk very early began to
driptay his Genius, and Was 4odn diftin^
jgiiiihed Jbr one of the moft ehlerprizing
Spirits in die Uriiverfity. No-bbdy fet
Order and Regularity art gti?aterDefiancei
or With more heroic Bravery than he did 5
which made him qukkly be chbfen Cap*
tain-general by his Comrades, in all their
Parties of Pleafure, and Expeditions of
Jollity. Many Pranks are recorded of
his performing, which jmade the iPfaet
ftforittd wiA his Natrie ; 4)ut enie lof , hi*

ftafecs df Vvery-^drdlf^^^^^
hot forbear rfcfetmg it. ' • • -

There

^34 ^beHjLSTQrKY of

There was in the fame College, t
young Mafter of Arts,. IViUiams by Name,
who had been elected into the Society, in
Preference to one of greater Genius and
Learning,, becaufe he ufed to make a
lower Bow to the Fellows,, whenever he
pgflfed by them, and was not likely to
difgrace any of his Seniors by the Supe*
riority of his Parts. This Gentlema?
concluding now there was no farther Oc-
cafion of Study, after he had obtained a
Fellowihip,. which had long been the Ob-
jcft of his Ambition, g^ehimfelf over
to Purfuits more agreeable to his Tem-
,pcrv and fpent the chief of his Time in
drinking. T?a with Barbers Daughters,
And other young Ladies of Fafhion in the
Univerfity, who there take to thcti^felves
the Nanre pf Mijfes^ and receive amoroui
Gownfiiien at their Ruelles. For nothing
more , is meceflfary to accomplifh a young
Lady at Cambridge^, than a fecond-hand
Capuchin,, awhite walhingGowp, a Pair
of dirty Silk Shoes, and long Muflin
Ruffles V in which Drefs they take the Air,
in the publick Walks every Sunday^ to
make Conquefts,. and receive their Ad-
mirers all die reft of the Week at their
Tea-tables. Now ,^///^w/, having a

great

POMFEY.THiXITTLE. t^s

great deal of dangling Good-nature about
him^ was very fuccefiful in winning the
Affeftions of thefe Acadenilcal Mifles^
and had a large Acquaintance among
them* The three Mifs Higgenfes^ whofe
Mother kept the Sun Tavern •, Mifs Pol^
JackfoPiy, SL Baker's Daughter -, the cele-
brated Fanny Hilly foleHeircfs of a Tay-
lor,, and Rlifs Jetmy of the^Coffee-houfeJ
were all great Admirers q£ bur College-;*
gallant ; and Fame reported, tliat he had
Admiffion to fome of their Bed-chambers,;
at wcU as to their Te^. tables. Upon this
Prefumption, young ^dlmjick. hid his
Head together with other young Gentle-
men, his Comrades, to play him a Tt*ricki
whicH'we now proceed to difclbfe. ,.

' (.

About this Time,, a Bed-maker of
the College was unforiiinatdy brought to
6edi Without hai^riDgi any Hiilband to -fa-
ther the Child ; aiixias ourMaftcr ofArtS
was fufpefted, among others, to have
had a Share in the Generation of the new-*
born Infant, being a Gentleman of ait
amorous Nature,, it oecuired to young ^
^ahnfick to make the f oUowing Eaqpe;^v
fimcnt upon him*, : ..:. , »

As

«j4 The Ui^ntxKJY./if.

. • - .4

Ifis Chamber pnie marft i/);g ^an;
Chapef, he found 5^:BSiricecftandibg5t;lKs
Poor oft the top'piT. hi^ ^tajNc^fe, with
a Direftion to himfelf, >ftd; 4 Letter tied
to t|ic Handle of the Balket. He^ftood
fome Kttle time g^effing ffoh? W-^ptn iiich
i Prefect could cpiyi'e,;l)ut as h6 had tx-
petJlcd i Parcel from Ldndouhy the Coach
for a Week bfefore, he naturally concluded
diU to be the fame, and that it had been
brought by a Porter from the ten, and
left at his poor before he Was awaki in
the Morning. Wtjh t;hisf l^l»ought he
6pened the Letter^ aiid tead to' ux9 fol-
lowing Efieft.

HonorahU Siir^ , ' ....

^ Alt fmp^itedfliould tb&jnwki fiicb
^ a mamter ^ havener^ &ep ontiWtHJAg
« /of yaar Moilpy, 4h«wi wa? )lMnW^ T^
< bed^ whkii is a £3basne and A ^tf:)Led
f Sin; WJierdbJ-e ;Jiyire fcijt yte« yiwi
j/cMW| Bafliairf to jpcDvi^: &^^ mbi )9m

• Death——— 'r'-rp — :,

jBtf//y Trollop.

Thi

PONrFEXTfit: LITTLE. ^37

•' ■^ . . ■■ .. . • . • • • • ■

The Aftonifhmenr, which fcized our
MaAer of Arts at the Perufal of this Lct^
ter, may eatily be imagined, but not fo
^sofily dcfcribed : He turned pale, ftag-
^ercd, and kx^ed like Banquo^s phoft m
the Play ; but a» hi^ Confcience excu&c}
^in!i ih)m the CrHnt laid to hi$ Charge^
he ttfolved (as fiyon as his CoofufiOB
-wouU fuflfer Ufti to refolve) fo make n
^blic Eicw^le of the Wretch, tjiat faa4
dared id !la^ her Imquitie^ at fais Pqq^
To this end, as fbon as Chajpel w^s over^
he ddfiired the Maftcjr of the Cplleg^ to
contene all the FelloVvs in the Commoiv-
TObiti, for kthid 4n Affair of great Con-
ieq(weri<* to by befere ^ffn. ; When thjc
^vh-end Vi¥an ;Was /met according tp
thb Bcfire, !h* |)r€fdM^ and

-with Ian: audible Vc^ce read -the Letter/,
.Ivyell - hiK} ^^M^ CO/ it: After

mhkif jht iti^^ i. ^oog -Oration on the
aiMlpahdleUedi Iif^diince <^ the Harlot,
mho ilnd )aiteci)^oe4 m PoandaUnt himin
4shU ifil^^aobiis -Mmfier» 4nr(} iCQii^luded
-with deiiring^iihe m^ exen^pJary P^niil^.
iiKite friight t)eo}|^i^d pn iber 1 tfor he
tttd, ^l^'they ^faoumged fuG^ Piece
-cf Vilkiny iftith pw^riSweriftii fit«^ht

!i3^ ' fil&tf Hi's TOR Y^

Tcmifs in punifliing the prefent Offender*
They all heard him with great Aftonifh-
ment, and many of them feemed to re-
joice inwardly, that the Ba/ket had not
travelled to their Doors ; as thinking,
perhaps it would have been uiifathcrly
and unnatural to have refufed' it Admits
tarlcc. But the Matter of the College
taking the thing a little more fcrioufly>
declared that if Mr. fViiliams had not
been known to trefpafs in that Way, the
Girl would never have* fingled him out to
lather her Iniquities upon him j however
as the thing had happened, and he had
protefted himfclf innocent, he faid he
would take care the Strumpet fhould be
puniflied for her Impudence. He then
ordertd the Bafket to be unpacked^
'which was performed by the Butler oF the
College, in Prefence of the whole Fra-
ternity 5 when to I— — inftead of a Child,
puling and crying for its Father, out-
leaped Pvmpeyy the little Hero of this
little Hiftory ; wlio had been enclbfed in
that Ofier Confiaement by young ^ii//l»-
J^tkj and convey'd very early in the Morn-
ing to Mr. Williams's Chamberndoor.
The grave Affcmbly were aftonilhed and
enraged at the Difcovery, finding the^^
iclves. convened only to be ridiculed;

and

POMPEY^HE LITTLE. 239

and all of them gazed on our Hero with
the fame kind of Alpeft^ is did the
Daughters of Cecrops on the deformed
Ericbthoniu5^yf\itn their Curiofity tempted
them to peep into the Balket, which
Minerva had put into their Hands, with
pofitive Commands to the contrary.

~ .^f.

CHAP

\

ik

^o . tke HisT^^y of

, ■ -

C H A P. XIII.
fii CburafffT of a Mifi<r pf 4rts «/ ji

Univerfity.

WILLIAMSi tho' mwcb afliam-
ed and out of Countenance, was
yet in his Heart very glad to be relieved
from the Apprehenfions of maintaining a
Baftardy which he imagined would add
no great Luftre to his Reputation as a
Fellow of a College. When therefore
Pompey made his Efcape out of his wicker
Prifon, he was in reality pleafed with the
Difcovery, which put an end to his
Fears; and feigning himfelf diver ted with
the humour of the Thing, took the little
Adventurer home to his own Chambers.
Thus our Hero changed his Mafter, which
gives us an Opportunity of explaining
fome farther Particulars of that Gentle-
man's Chara£ter, being, I believe not
an uncommon one in either of our Uni-
vcrfities.

I r we were in a hurry to defcribe liim,
it might be done effedtually in two or
three Words, by calling him a mcft egre-
ghus Trifler % but as we have Lcifiire to

be

POMPEY THE LITTLE. 241.

be a little more circunotftantia]^ the Reader
is like to be troubled with a Day's
jQurnal of hi3 AAioa$«

Hb was in the firft Place aMaaof

»

the tnoft exaft and punftilious Neatnefs^);
bis Shoes were always blacked in the
nlcell: Manner, his Wigs powdered with
the mod finical Delicacy, and he would;
icold his Laundreis for axwbqle Morning:
together, if he difcovered , a wry Plait m ^
the Sleeve of his Shirt, or the lead Speck
of Dirt in any Part of his Linen. He
rofe conftantly to Chapel, a^id , afterwards >
proceeded with great Importance ! to
Breakfa(l:,which moderately (peaking^ took ,
up two Hours of his Morning ; for ^hea^
he had done lipping his Tea, he u{td tor
wa(h up the Cups with the mod orderly^
^xaiStnefs, and replace them with the u;t :
moft Regularity in their Corner-qupbqard.
After this he clrew on his Boots, ordered
his Horfe, and rode out for the Ain,i
4iaving being told that a fedpntary Life is^
deftruftiyp of the Conftitmion, and that ,
too much .Study impajrs the l;)eaith. At /
his Return he had barely Time to wafli ^
his Hands, clean his Teeth^ and put on a>
frelh-powdered Wig, before the Collcge-

M beil

^'^i The History^

bell fummoned hitn to Dinner in the
publicr HalL When this great Afiair was
ended, he (pent an Hour with the reft of ^
the Fellows in the Common-room to
digeft his Meal, and then went to the.
Coffee- houfe to read the News-papen;
where he loitered away that heavy Inter-
val, which pafTed betiyeen Dinner and the .
Hour appointed for Afternoon Tea: But
as foon as the Clock (truck Three, he
tucked up his Gown, and Bew with all ,
imaginable Hafte to fome of the young
Ladies above-mentioned, who all efteem-
ed him a prodigious Genius, and were.
ready to laugh at his Wit before he had
mened his Mouth. In thefe agreeable
Yifits he remained till the Time of
Evening Chapel ; and when this was over,
Supper fucceeded next to find him firefh
Employment \ from whence he repaired
again to the CofFee-Houfe, and then to
(bme Engagement he had made at a
Friend^s Room to fpend the remaining
Part of the Evening. By this Account
rf his Day^s Tranwftions, the Reader
will fee how very irppoifible it was for
him to find Lcifure for Smdy, in the 'mid(l
of (b hiany important Avocations •," vet.
he made a- (hifc fomctimes to play half a *

Tunc

POMPEY TRRLITT1.E. h*

7une on (;hc, German El.utc jn4 Mpmiag^)
and o^ice in. a Quarter ^ a Ve»r /ool^ thp .
Painfi to tranircru)c a 3ermoh oucbf va-^^
rious Authors. . f'. '!

.>

Another part of his * Charafler was
a great AfFeftation of Politencfs, which
is more pretended to in Univerlitics,
where lefs of it is pradlifcd, than in any
other^ Part of the Kingdom. Thus fTil-
liamsl like many others, was always
talking of genteel Lifej to which end he
was plentifully provided with Stories by
a female Coufin, who kept a Milliner's
Shop in London^ and never failed to let
him know by Letters, what paffed among
the Great : Tho' (be frequently miftook
the Names of People, and attributed
Scandal to one Lord, which was the
Property of ^another. Her Coufin, how-
ever,, did not find out the Miftakes, but
retailed her Blunders about the Colleges
with great Confidence and Security.

But nothing in the World pleafed him
more than fhewing the Univerfity to
Strangers, and efpecially to Ladies, which
he thought gave him an Air of Acquain-
tance with the genteel World *y and on fuch

M 2 Occa-

244 We H tBTOR Y of

Occaftbnsf, if he could- prey^il oit them
to dine with him; he would aflEe& to
ifuA:e exi^five Entertainments, which
neither his private Fortune or the Income
(f his Fcllowihip could aflford.

CHAP.

POMPEY THE LITTLE. 245
C H A P. XIV.

r ;

Another College Cbaraffer. ;

■f

ABOUT this Time three Ladies
happened to be returmng out of
the Norths whither tliej had been to make
a Summer-Vifit, and were inclined to
take Cambridge in their way home ; which
Place they believed to be wprthy qf their
Curiofityj having never ften it. For this
JPurpofe they procured a double Recom-
mendation tp two Ge[ntlei0en of diflTerenc
Colleges, le(t one of them ihoqtd happe9
to be abfcnt at the Time of their Arrival,
One of thcfe Qentlemen was the Reverend
Mr. fFilliamsj who received a Letter from
a {friend, of his, idyertifipg him of the
Aniyal of three Ladie^^ ;aiid definng he
ipoqid aifift their Curidity in (hewing
them the Univerllty. At the iame tim^
came another letter from another Gent
tleman to an ancient Doctor of Divinity^
whpfe Character we (ball herQ di$:lorew .^^

> ' ■• • ,

This Gentleman in hisTouth^ when

his Friend was at Coll^, ba4 been %

Man of grat Gaiety^ and flands upon

Record for the firft Feribn who iatro-

, M 3 duced

V46 The Hi^ro VLit of

duced Tea-drinking into the Uni\
of Cambric^e*^ He bad goo^ Parts
proved by much claflical Reading
it was his Misfortune very earJy in I
fall in Love with an Apothecary *s D
ter, with whom he maintained a (
ihip near Twenty Years ; in which
lie laboured by all means in his P
'but without Succefs, to obtain a Li
^s the Foundation of Matrimony,
tho^ his Vivacity had rendered him 2
able to many young Gentlemen of
tune, who were his Cotemporari
College, he found himfelf forgottc
f hem, when they came into the W
and too late experienced the DifFc
between a Companion and a Fi
Difappointed in all his Hopes, and §
{ng uck of a tedious Cpurtfhi^, he
hinlfelf up in his Chamber, ahd
{Jxindc^ed himfelf t6 Melancholy :
Ihurin'ed all his Friends, and becar
perfect Recliife ; appeared but feldo
Meals in the College* hall, and then
jb wild a Face and unfafliionable a £
that all the younjger Part of the Col
Who knew nothing bf his Hiftory, eft
£d'hbn > Madman. ' This was the
fdn rteom mended to conduA Ladies a
the Univerfiiy j for his Friend uniu<

^4

Xv

N

POMPEY THE LITTLE. 247

made no Allowance, for the Fifty Years
that had elapfed fincehisown leaving the
College, but concluded his old Acquain-
tance to be the fame Man of Gallantry in
his Age, which he had formerly remem-
bered him in his Youth.

Wh E N the Ladies arrived at Ctf»i^r/<3^^^
accompanied . by a Gentleman who was
their Relation, they l^id their Heads to-
gether to confider what Meafures they
fhould purfue; and all agreeing that it
would be proper to pay the Doctor a
!Vifit at his Chamber, they fet out in a
Body for that Purpofe. Being directed
to his College, apd having with PilEcjilgr
found out his Stair-cafe, they mounted it
with many wcarifome S^t^ and knocked
at the Door for Admittance.^ It was a
Jong while before the Sound pierced thro*
the fevenfoid Night-caps of the olcf
Dodor, who fat dozing half-afleep in aii
Elbow-chair by a Fire almoft extingui(hed«
When he had opened the Door, he darted
back at the Sight of Ladies with as much
Amazement as if he had feen a Ghoft«
and kept the Door half (hut in his Hand^
to prevent their Entrance into his Room^
Indeed his Apartment was not a Speftacle
that defcrved Exhibition, for it ieemc^

' M4 ^ ' not

not to have been fwept for Twenty Yean
paft, and lay in great Difbrder, fcattered
over with mouldy Books and yellow Ma-
ruferipts. , The Cobwebs extended them*
i^lves from one Comer of the Room to
the other, and the Mice and Rats took
their Paftime about the Floor with as
much Security as if it had been uninhabi-
ted. OnaTableftoodaCanof ftaleSoudl
Beer, and a Plate of Cheefe-pairings, the
Relicks of his laft Night^s Supper ; All
which Appearances created fuch Aftoiiiih«
mcnt in his Vifiters, that they began to
believe themftlves directed to a wrong
Perfon» and thought it impofliblc for this
to be the gay Gentleman^ who had been
r^ommended to them as the Perfeftioa
of Courtefy and Good-breeding.

When ^ therefore they had fuppreffcd
their Inclination to laugh ^ well as they
could, the Gentleman who was Spokefman
^f the Party, began to beg Pardon for
the Difturbance they had given in con-
fequence of a wrong Information, and
defired to be diredled to the Chambers of
Doftor Chuje. « Oho, faid the Doftor,

• What — ^I warrant you arc the FcHs

* that I received a Letter about laft
; Week r* The GeiHleman then affured

him

POMPEYfitE LITTLE. 14^

litm they were the fame, and begged the
favour of his ABiStsmct^ if it was not too
much Trouble, to Ihew the Ladies the
TJniverfitjr, which they would acknow^^^
ledge as a very particular Favour. ^ At
^ lack-a-day ! anfwered he with a (bun*
• mering Voice, I flioidd be tery gl^^
' Sir, to do the Ladies any Service iti
my Power 5 but really I protelR:, Sir^
I have almoft forgot the Univerficy;
*Tis many Years fince I have ventured
out of my own College, and indeed it
is not often that I go out of my Rooni
■ f Y ou^n find fome younger Man,
Liidles, that kiiows more oiF the Matter
than I do ; for I fuppofe every Thing
is altered fince my Tiolfr, and I queftion
whether I ihould know my Way about
the Sfreefa/ After which Words he
smde ia Motion t6 t^ire into his Chamber,
wbic^ the Compaiiy obfennn^, dOked
Pardon once more for the Difturbance
they had given, and made hafte away
to laugh at this uncommon Adventure.

• t '

r;

M5 CHAP.

CHAP. KV.

i >
<

« « ' '

if prodigious flfort Chapter.

HEN the Gentleinieii and Ls
,^ ^ were got back to their Inn,
^vjertc4 cthemfelves wit^ ix^uchRai
at the old Dpftor's Expence, ^nd b
io defpair of any better Succefs \
their fecpnd Reeommendation, charit
concluding that all th^ Members of
tJiiiverfity were like tl^ Gentleman
hii feed, Tney refolyed thf^refoie
b bo 91. t!^ Trpuble oiF vifiting Mr.
tiamSiMxit itnt a Meficng^r from the
CO inform him of their Arrival, and
the Favour of his Comply at Sup
wliidi Invitationi however,* they w

gladly ^y^. ^^f^^ ^^ from accep
^r thcy'wcire grown fick of t|i? r
and determined to leave it early the
Morning.

'Williams, who had lived in
pe£lation of their coming feveral I
polled away to the Inn with all in
nable Difpatch, and with many acad
cfX Compliments, welcomed them to (
kri^e. He ftaid Supper, and the £

POMPEY;THE LIT^FLE- 2$%

tng was fpcntwith a good deal of Mirth }
for when the Ladies found they luid to dq
with a human Being, they recounted the
Adventure of the old Do<5tor> and ^/-
liamsj in return^ entertained theni with^
feveral others of a iinailar Nature. No|^
did he depart to his College, till he ha4
made them pnxnife. to dine with faioi ac
ills Chambers the next Day.

Early in the Mqrnlng-then he r<^
with the Lark, and^held a,Q>nruI^tioq^
with^ the College Cook con^eTping thq
Dinner, and. oth^r Partiq9lars4)f ithe J^
tcrtainment : JPor as he had pcyer y^t"
been Honoured with Company of fo high
arRanki^^ he rffolyed to do wh^t Y^asjiapd-
^piej Md fc^^^ them fi]«^ay;; with an;Qpsi-;
niofi pt. hi? ^^plk^i^^s.. ;A^
^?r Pevicw |ifjiad;^f ^ i3f»^444.PP*
yqfyvwell del^rye^ npentioning, bpaag-oC
a very acade;mif^' Nature indjscd y fpr^b©'
was. at the Exj^jpnce of purcjiaQ^^^ C^n%
ra^fof.^<;m?|mjS^a^ whjc^ lftmet;iipe%
p^ffes [Up<l€r. aj r^orc; vylgaf, Nftpj^e^ti? it\

{hould chiifc to jr^tire^^aft/erpiiin^f for.

.fwiV/

tiofitjt^ey inight h«yt the Ffeafiire of
hing/ervei in China.

Whin thefe Affairs were fettled, he
drefled htmfelf in fats beft Array, and
went to bid the Ladies ^)pd«tnorrow«
As foon as thejr had breakfafted, he con«
Aided them about the Univeriity, and
Ihewed them all the Rarities of CamMdge.
They obferved, ibaf fucb a thing was
^etf grandi anothir thing was very neaty
and that there were a great numf Books in
the UkytrieSy which they thought it im*
poffiih for any Man to redA through^ tbf
0e was to live as long as Methufel^.

When their Curiofity was fiitisfiedf
«Rd WVlfdms had indulged every Wifh d
Vanity^ in being feen to efont Ladies
itbout die Unirerfity, and to hand diem
out of their Coachy they all retired to his
Chambers to Dinner. Much Converia-
tion paflfed, not worth recording, and
when the Cloth waa taken away, litde
pM^(y was produced on the Table for
the Ladies to admire him« They were
gready ftruck with his Beauty \ and oat
of them took Gburagetoafk lum as a
Arefent^ wluch die conq^aifiult Mafter
«f Arts, m h^ gtoft Gvilhyt cdoii^ed

POMPEY THE LITTLE. 253

wttht and immediately delivered him
into the Lady's Hands. He likewife
related the Scory, how he came into his
Fto£fefiion, which another Petfon per*
haps would have fuppre&d ; bat fyU^
Hams was fo tranfported with his Com*
pany^ that he was half out of his Wit|
with Joy, and his Converiation was m
lidioiloQs as his BehaTiour.

CHAP;

^54^ . > 5^rHi&T0RY of

•I

CHAP. XVI.'

fllnpey nturns to London, and occafima
, u rmarkabk Difpute in the MaU.

J . ,

ONCE nK>re then our I;Iero iet out
for the Metropolis of Gr^^Z-^/Vj/ffy
and after an eafy Journey of two Days,
arrived at a certain Square, where his
Miftreffes kept their Court. To thefc
Ladies, not ioiproperly might be applied
the Queftion which Archer afks in the
Play, Pn^ which of you three is the
old Lady? the Mother being full as
youthful and airy as the Daughters, and
the Daughters almoft as ancient as the
Mother.

Now as Fortune often difpofts Things
101 the! ih^ whimfical and furprizing
Manner, it (b happened, that one of his
Miftreffes took him with her one Morn-
ing into St. James*^ Park, and fct him
down on his Legs almoft in the very fame
Part of the Mi//, from whence he had
formerly made his Efcape from Lady
Tempeft near eight Years before, as is re-
1 corded in the firft Part of his Hiftory.
Her L^dylhip was walking this Morning

r ,

P O IVtP EY T B B LI T T L E. isi

for the Air»/and haDpenfd to;i^$rby»
almpft at the v^ry Tnftant than the little^
Adyenturer was^ fet oit his Legs to take»
^ijSi Piveifipnu She fpied him in a Mo«^
pient, with.gre^t Quickneis of Difcern-
oienti and immediately recoUe^iing her>
old Acquaintance, caught him up io her
Arm^ s^id; fell to kifling him with the
higheft Extravagance of Joy. His prefentl
Owi^iR perceiving this, and thinking only
that the Lady was pleafed with the Beauty>
of h^ Dpg, an|j had[a mind to cpmplw
ipept^J^icn w^th^ a fc^wKUTed, p^flc^ pn-
^thout Jnterruplipg, I^^r : Bu| when ihc>
^w her Ladyfhip prepmng to carry him
out of i!cit:MflU j|R Ker Arim, Ihe ad-
vanced haftily tpjwards her, and rede^
ipat^ed 1^ Fa7^)Mtite in -the fpJIpwiDg^
Tcrm^ ; . * Pray, Madam, what^ is your
\ Ladyf^ip goiiag to do witk fb^ Dog?^»
]^y iTmpfl&^epliedy ^ Nothing m the

* WqrkJ, M^a/n, bpt takfi \k\m home-
*. with me/ * And pray, , Madam, ^
K whj^t Right h^s ypiif (l^adyl^Mprto jcajie
«j a Ppg that Wongptpjine; ?^ f * Nq»^^
*. my dear !, aftfwqfed^fc^y .r<[ii»pc^ V b»t'
^, I take hini,) Child, be^i^i^l^; belongs*

* to nae/ • *Tis felfe, faid the other*
•] LadyV I aver it to be falfe ; he was*
f rj^yen me by aQtyitjQmjui of C^m»^^'4s^^

45^ ne HttTttLY rf

* smd I tnfift upon your lady fli^^s fe^
^ placing hiiri upon his Legs thisindt«
« Tidual Moment/ Tothts^ LadyTm-
pe/i replied only with a Sooer, and was
walking off with our Hero ^ which ib
grekdy aggravated the Rase of trer An^
tagonift, thait (he now loft all Patitacet
and began to exert herfelf in a much
higher Key« ^ Madam, (aid Ih^, I would
^ have you to know^ Madam, that I anr
^ not to be treated in this fi^erUttve
^ Mtnner. YtHir La<iyfliip may «ffe&
^ to fneer, if you plemr, MaAaM, tad
^ Ihew a Oontfenopt, Maditm, whidh \k
^ more due to your own A<Sti^n$ tbitn
^ tome, M^anfi; fbr^ thank Heaven, I'

* have fome Regard to Decenlcy in :^
y Aftions/ « Deilr MHi I ^dn^t )bt in a
< PaOion, relied Lady 9)«^; it M^ll
^ fpoil your Coikiplexidh Ctiil^ and jp^r

• haps ruin ycHir' Fortime -^ "b tit w5H
^ you be pleaC^ to know, my Dear, that
^ I toft this Dog weight years ago in die

* hbU^ and ddv6rti2ed him in sA the

• Nenrs-papera^ tho* you or yo* FVfehd*
« at CamMd^e^ wtio dki m« t^b Favotir
^ tt> fteal him^ were riot (b obli^hg as (o
« reftore hani ?— And will yo\i be pea(cd'

• to know likeT;4(et young Lady, that I'
y bave a Right to ttke my Prop^^

POMPEYthi LITTLE, 257

wherever I find it/ * 'Tis impoffiblc,
cried die other Lady, tolling hack her
Head, 'tis impoflible to remember a
Dog after eight Years Abfence ; I aver
it to be impoflible, and nothing fhall
perfuade me to believe it/ • I proteft,
my Dear, anfwered Lady Tmpeft^ I
know not what Sort of a Memory you
may be bleft with, but really, I can
remember Things of a much longer
Date ; and as a frefli Inftance of my
Memory, I think, my Dear, I remem-
ber you reprefenting the Chara^er of a
young Lady for near thefe twenty Y^rs
about Town/ * Madam, returned the
Lady of inferior Rank, now inflamed
with the higheft Indignation \ you may
remember vourlelf. Madam, reprefent*
ing a much worfe Charader, Madam^
for a greater Number of Years. It
would ^ well. Madam, if your Me-
mory was not altogether (o good. Ma-
dam, unlefi your Aftions were better/ .

The War of Tongues now began to
rage with the greatcft Violence, and no-
thing was fpared that Wit could fuggeft on
the one fide, or Malice on the other. The
Beaux, and Belles, and Widings, who were
walking that Morning in the A£t//, af-

ftmbled

258 The H^STOKY if

fembled round the Combatants at fu(H
out of Curiofity, and for the fake of Enter*-
tainment •, but they foon began to take Sides
in the Difpute, 'till at length it became
one univerfal Scene of Wrangle ; and no
Caufe in Weftminfter-Hall was ever more
puzzled by the Multitude of Voices all
contending at once for the Victory. At
lad, Lady ^empeft fcorning this ungene*
rous Altercation, told her Adverfary,

• Well, Madam, if you pleafe to fcpld
•for the publick Diverfion, pray con*',
f 4inue ; but for my part, I (ball no lon<^

• ger make myfelf the SpeSack of a Mob/
And fo faying, (he walked couragcoufly
off with little Pompq under her Arm. It
was impoffible for her Rival to prevent
her; who likewife immediately after
quitted the Mall^ and flew home, ready
to burft with Shame, Spite, and Indig*
nation.

La D Y ^empeji had not been long ^1
her Toilette, before the following little
Scroll was brought to her ; and (he was
informed, that a Footman waited below
in great Hurry for an Anfwer. The
Note was to this Effeft.

Madamt

■I

POMPEY THE LITTLE- 25^

Madam^ ^

* If it was polHble for tne) to wonder

• at any of your Aftions, I fhould be

* aftonifhed at your Behaviour of this

• Morning. Reftore my Dog by the

* Bearer of this Letter, or by the Jiving

* G— d, I will immediately commence a
*. Prbfecution againft you in Chancery,

♦ ahd recover him by Force of Law«

« Xour s

Lady 7>iwp^, without any -Hefita-
Cion, returned the following Anfwer,

Madam^

•1 HAVE laughed moft heartily at
^ your ingenious Epiftle ; and am pro-

• digioufly diverted with your Menaces

• of a Law-Suit, Pompey Ihall be ready
^ to put in his Anfwer, as foon as ht
^ Hears your Bill is filed againft hina in
« Chancery.

* / am^ dear Mifs^ yours ^

* TEMPESTi

CHAP.

1t€Q fti Hist oii Yd/

CH.AP. XVIL

ji iirrible MLsfortune happens to our i
wbieb brills bis Hifiory to a ConcluJ

THIS Letter inflamed the Lai
moch, that (he immediately
dered her Coach, and drove away to
coln*S'Inn^ to confult her Sollicitor.
found him in hb Chambers, furrou
vrith Briefs, and haranguing to two *
ilefnen, who had made him Arbit
in a. very important Coiitroverfy,
cerning the Dilapidations of a Pig-
On the Arrival of our Lady, the Mi
Law ftarted from his Chair, and ^
duAed her with much Civility to a
tee which flood by his Fire -fide %
turning to his two Clients, i«rhon
thought he had already treated with a
per Quantity of 'Eloquence, 'Well, (

* tlemen, (aid he, when your rcfpe

* Attornies have drawn up your fc

* Cafes^ let them be fent to m^e, ani

* give Determination upon them wit

* poffible Difpaich* This Speech
the defired £fFc(5b in driving them a
and as fbon as they were gone, addre
himfelf with an AfFe£lation of much

lit.

■V*

POMPEYthr LITTLE. 261

Ittfflefs to the M^e|» of; littl^ Pmpf^^
he began^ to enquire, after tfa^ good l^fy^
ber Mother^ zoA/kegmdlj^ her^ S^itrr*^
but ourHefoine wasibioipatient to opw'
her Gaufev that (be. hardly alV>wed her-
fel£ Tioae to aofwer his Queftions, be«^
foce ihe began in thei following Manner.

* Sir^ I was walking this Morning in the
*~MaU^ when a certain extraordinary La-

* dfy whoie Adtions are always of a very

* extraordinary Nature, was pleafed, in

* a moft peculiar Manner, to ileal my

* Laptdog from me/ * Steal yoqr Lap-"
^ dog from you. Madam I iaid.theMan-

* of Law; I proteft, a very extraordinary -

* TranfaSbioa indeed ! And pray. Ma*

* dam^ what could induce her to be

* guilty of fuch a Miibebaviour ?* • In*

* duce her! cried the Lady eagerly % Sir,
^ ihe wants iio Inducement to be guilty "
^ of any thing that is audacious and im*

* pudental — ^But, Sir, I defire you would
'* unmediatdy commence a Suit againft
^ her in Chancery, and pufh the Affair
^ on with all poffible Rapidity % for I am

* refolved to recover the Dogr if it colls

* me Ten Thoufand Pounds/ The Coun-
felbr fmilcd, and commended her Refo-
lutions *, but paufed a little, and feemed
puzzled at the Novelty of the Cafe,

rMadani) iaid he, miikHibtedly your
Laidy (Ilk) does right tdafleityour Pro-

^peity, for we would all foon be reduced
to a State of Nature,- if there were no

^Courts of Law; and therefore your
Ladylhip is highly to be applauded—-
but there is ibmething very peculiar in '■
the Nature of Dog^ — ^Thereis no Que-'
ftion, Madam, but they are to be coh-'
fidered under the Denominadon of Pro-'
perty, and not to be deemed Fer^ Na-*
iur^j Things of no Value, as ignorant

*Pe6[^e fooliffaiy imagine; but I fay,
Madam, there is fomething voy pe*'

^ culiar in their Nature, Madam. — ^Their
prodigious Attachment to Man inclines
them to follow any body that calls them,

-and'that makes it fo difficult to fix a*
Theft,— Now, if a Man calls a Sheep,
or calls a G6w, or calls a Horfe, why'
he might call long enough before they
would come, bedauie they are not Crea- *
turcs of a following NaturSy and there- •
fore our penal Laws have made it Fe-
lony with refped to thofe Animals ;<
but Dogs, Madam, have a firange un-
diftinguilhng Pronenefe to run after
People's Heels/ * Lord blels me. Sir!
faid the Lady, fome what angry at the
Ofato/s Declamation 4 what do you

* mean*

POMPEYt Hi LITTLE. 25^^

«* mean. Sir, by following Pcojrfc^J^eels ? '
•• I cio proteflt and afieyerate, that Ihe *

• Cook him up in her Arms, and carried **
•. jhim away in Defiance of me ; and the
< whole Mall was Witnefi of the Theft/ '

• Very well. Madam, very well, replied^
^•the Counfellor, I was only dating the
•Cafe fully on Defendant's fide, that^
*: you might have a comprehenfive View^
*.of the whole Afiair, before we come*

• to unravel it all again, and fhew the
« Advantages on the fide of Plaintifl; —
*, Now tho' a Dog be of afolbwing Na-'
^.Jurey as f obferved, and may be fome- '
•.limes tempted, and feduced, and in-^
*' veigled away in fuch a manner, as makes'
*' it difficult — do you obferve me — '
•' makes it difficult, I fay. Madam, to^

• fix a Theft on the Perfon feducing ; '
•yet, wherever Property is difcovercd

• and claimed, if the PoflcfTor refufcs to '
•yreftore it on Demand, — on Demand,

• . I fay, becaufe Demand muft be made—

• refufes to reftore it, on Demand, to the
•proper, lawful Owner, there an Aftion
• . fies, and, under this Predicament, we
• . ihall recover our Lap-dog.' The Lady
feeming pleafed with this Harangue, the
Orator continued in the following Man-
n€X ; * If therefprc, Madam, this Lady —

164- J*^ History^

wholbelrtr Ihe IS) ^, or jB. oc any Name
fcrves our Puipofe— if» I %, this ex^
. traordinar/ Lady* as your Ladyfhip
. juft now deicribed her» look yoitf Dog
before WknefTes, and refufed to reftore
it on Demand, why then we hare a
lawful A&ion, and Ihall recover Da-
n^ages.-— Prayi Madam> do you think
.you can fwear to the Identity of the
Dog, if he (hould be produced in
a Court of Juftice ?* The Lady an-
fwered, * Yes, (he could fwear to him
amon^ a Million, for there never was
fb remarkable a Creature/ ^. And you
RrO: became poflefled of him, you fay.
Madam, at the Univerfity of Cam^
bridge — Pray, Madam, will the Gen-
tleman, who iavdfted you with him, be
ready to teftify the Donation?' She
anfwered affirmatively. * And pray
Madam, what is the Colour of your
Dog?' • Black and White, Sir !• •A
Malct or Female, Madam ?' To this
the Lady replied. She pofitively could not
tell ; whereupon, the Counfellor, with a
mofl: fapient Afpeffc, declared he wpuld
fearch his Books for a Precedent, and
wait on her, in a few Days, to receive
her final Determinations ; butadviled her,
ia the mean while, to try the Effcft of

another

POMPEY THB LITTLE. 265

another Letter upon her Ladyfhip, and
once more threaten hervfith a Profecu-
tion. He then waited upon her to her
Chariot, obfcrved that // was a very fine
Day J and protnifed to ule his utmoft En-
deavours to reinilate her in the PofTeflioii

of her Lap-dog.

»

This was the State of a Quarrel bor
tween two Ladies for a Dog, and it
feemed as if all the Mouths of the Law
would have opened on this importaiH:
Affair (for Laidy Tmpeji continued ol>-
ftinate in keeping him) had not a moft
unlucky Accident happened to balk thofe
honourable Gentlemen of their Fees, and
difappoint them of fo hopeful a Topic
for fhewing their Abilities. This unfor^
tunate Stroke was nothing lefs than the
Death of our Hero, who was feized with
a violent Phthific, and after a Week's 111-
nefs, departed this Life on the Second of
June 17499 and was gathered to the
Lap-dogs of Antiquity. ,

From the Moment that he fettfick^
his Miftrefs fpared no Expjencc forhk
Recovery, and had him attended by the
moft eminent. Phyficians of Lendtm j^o,
I am afraid, rather haftened than delayed
^is ]^t> according to the icai{ieavotv&L

Cttftotfi bf that right venerable Frater-
liity. The Chamber-maids took it by
Turns to fit lip with him every Night
during his Ulhels, and her Ladyfliip^was
iearce ever away from him in die Day-
time ( but, aks! hi) Time Was come, his
Hour-slafs was run out, and nothing
could lave him from paying a Vifit to the
-Plutonian Regions.

It is difficult to fay whether her La-
dy{hip*8 Sorrow now, or when (he for-
nkerly loft^ him in the Mall^ moft exceed-
ed the Bounds of Reafon. He hy in
Suit three Ddys after his Death, dnd her
Ladyfrip, at fii^fl:, took a Refolution of
tttviiig him ertjbalmed, but as her Phyfi-
dam Informed her the Art was loft, flie
m^ obliged to give over that chimerical
Project 5 otherwife, our Pofterity might
'hive feen him^ fome Centuries hence,
ere^d in isi pufc^c Library at an Univer-
fity •, -tod, perhaps, fome Doftor of great
Erudition, might have undertaken to
prove, with Quotations from a Thoufand
Authors, that he was formerly the Egyp^
4ian AnuHf.

HowBVBR, tho* her Ladylhip coulc
©ot be gratified in her Defures of embalm-

m in{

FOMPEYTifftXITTLE. 467.

ing him, ftie had him buried, with great
Funeral Sqlemnuy, in her Garden, and
-credted over hinr an elegant Marble Mo-
nun>ent, which was infcribed with the
following Epitaph, by one of the greateft
Elegiac Foots of the prefent Age.

J^^g of the Gardfny Ikdimng Rofe !
Which fprang'fi from Venus* he^vm^,

When weeping for AAovh JldUj
Her pearly Tears bedewed the Plait^
Now let thy dewy Leaves bewail
ji greater Beaiaf s greater Ill\
^e Lillies ! hang your drooping Head^
Te Myrtles ! weep for Pompey dead |
Light lie the Turf upon his Breajlj
P^aceto bis Shade^ and gentle Refi.

CHAR

r

af 8 ne tiisroKY of

CHAP, xviir.

The CONCLUS ION.

HAVING thus traced our Hero to the
Fourteenth Year of his Age, which
may be reckoned the Threcfcore and Ten
of a Lap-dog, nothing now remains, but
to draw his Charafker, for the Benefit and
Information of Pofterity. In fo doing
we imitate the greateft, and mod cele-
brated Hiftorians, Lord Clarendon^ Dr,
MSddkton^ and others, who, when they
have put a Period to the Life of an emi-
nent Perfon (and fuch undoubtedly was
our Hero) finifh all with a Defcription of
his Morals, his Religion, and private
Charafter: Nay, many Biographers go
fo far, as to recprd the. Colour of their
Hero's Complexion, the Shade of his
Hair, the Height of his Stature, the
Manner of his Diet, when he went to Bed
at Night, at what Hour he rofe in the
Morning, and other equally important
Particulars ; which cannot fail to convey
the greateft Satisfaftion and Improvement
to their Readers, Thus a certain Painter,
who obliged the World with a. Life of
Mhon^ informs us, with an Air of great

POMPEY THE LITTLE. 269

Importance, that be was ajhort thick Man^
and then recoUedting himfelf, informs us
a fecond Time, upon maturer Delibera-
tion, that he was not a Jhort thick Man^
but if he had been a little jherter^ and a
little thicker^ he would have been ajhort
thick Man \ which prodigious Exaftnefs,
in an Aflfair of fuch Conlequence, can
never be fufficiently applauded.

Now as to the Defcription of our He-
ro's Perfon,^ that has already been given
in an Adveftifement, penned by one of
his Miftreffes, when he had the Misfor-
tune to be loft in S/. Jameses Parky and
therefore we will not trouble our Reader
with a needlefs Repetition of it, but pro-
ceed to his Religion, his Morals, his
Amours, (^c. in Conformity to the Prac-
tice of other Hiftprians.

It is to be remembered, in the firft
Place, to his Credit, that he was a Dog
of the mojl courtly Manners^ ready to fetch
and carry, at the Command of all his
Matters, without ever confidering the
Service he was employed in, or the Per-
foQ from whocp he received his Diredi-
on^i He would fawn like wife with the
greateft Humility, on People who treated

hicu

:z'jo S'beHisroKY df I

^him with Contempt, and was always pa!> |
*ticularly officious in his Zeal, whenever
'he cxpefSfeda new Cellar, or ftood Can-
didate for a Ribbon with other Dogs,
•who made up the Retinue of the Family*

Far be it from us to deny, that in the
firft Part of his Life he gave himfelf an
' unlimited Freedom in his Amours, and
was extravagantly licentious,, not to fay
debauched, in his Morals ;, but whoever
cpnfiders that he was born in the Houfc
of an Italian Courtefan, ^that he made the
. grand Tour with a young Gentleman of
Fortune, and afterwards iived near two
Years with a Lady of Quality, will have
more Reafon to wonder that his Morals
were not entirely corrupted, than that
they were a little tainted by the ill Effeft
of fuch dangerous Examples : Whereas,
when he became acquainted with a Phi-
lofophic Cat, who fet him right in his
miftaken Apprehenfions of Things, he
lived, afterwards, a Life of tolerable Re-
-gularity, and behaved with much Con-
Hancy to the Ladies, who were Ho happy
as to engage his AfFe£tions.

As to Religion, we muft ittgcrtuoufly
•confefs that he had none^ in which re-

ipe£t

(
\

POMPEY THE LlTTLjE.. s^V

jfpeft he had the Honour to bear ah exa£^
Referrtblance ® all the well-bred People
of the preferit Age, who hf\re long fince
difcarded Religion^- ^% a needlefs and^
troublefome. Invention^, calculated ojjy
to make People wife, virtuous, and un-
fafhionable ; and whoever will be at the •
Pains of perufing the Lives and Actions
of the Great. World, will find them, in
all Points, comfortable to fuch prodigious^
Principles.

In Politics^ it is difEcult to lay whe-
ther he was Whig or Tory, for he never,
was heard, on any Occafion, to open his
Mouth on that Subjeft, tho* he once
ferved a Lady, whom Love engaged,
very deeply in Party, and perhaps might,
have been admitted to vote at a certain
Eleftion, action^ the J^umbers that com-
gofed that ftupendous PolL

For the latter part of his Life, his
chief Amufement was to fleep before the
Fire, and Indolence grew upon him fo
much, as he advanced in Age, that he
feldom cared to be diftwrbed in his Slum-
bers, even to cat his Meals : His Eyes
grew dim, his Limbs failed him, his
Teeth dropped out of his Head, and^ at

zji 7^^ History ^, &c. j

length, a Phthific came very feafonably y
to relieve him' from the Pains and Cala- 1
mities of longj^fe. |

Thus periflied little Pofftpey, or Pm» ]
pty the Littlej leav&ig his difconfolate
Miftrefs to bemoan his Fate, and me to
write his eventful Hiftory,

FINIS.

»^

«■ • ^

v....

M